Have the AFL and Brisbane Lions lost it? Why a live lion at the Gabba is the worst idea ever

Perhaps you don’t need the headline explained. But just in case a live lion at an AFL game doesn’t make sense to you, let’s take a good look at the dumbest idea in recent AFL history.

(It is arguably not the worst idea ever, given that an actual live elephant was once brought to a North Melbourne game, and it went nuts and tried to escape, as you’ll read more about below. But this is not 1979, it’s 2014.)

Since dominating the AFL for the first half of the new millennium and putting Aussie rules on the map in the Sunshine State, the Lions have taken more knocks than Jonathan Brown’s cranium in recent years.

After sacking favourite son Michael Voss as coach last year, conceding ground both on and off the field to little brother, Gold Coast Suns, and battling declining memberships and attendances, you could excuse the side from getting a little desperate.

But even this has to be a sign that Rome is burning.

The Lions have sought to boost their ‘game day experience’ by bringing a live lion to their home games.

Yes. A live lion.

Caroline Wilson in The Age reported late yesterday that the Lions’ new CEO Greg Swann had sought to spice things up at the Gabba – and apparently a live lion was the best he came up with.

He has actually sent his marketing team out to local zoos to investigate. This is actually happening, in Australia, in 2014.

Fortunately Swann has assured Lions fans that the lion will be in a cage. Clever CEO work there. Swann has also tried to get fans onside by announcing a competition to name the lucky mascot.

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan is reportedly also behind the idea.

This all seems a little too Ace Ventura for my liking. A live lion at the Gabba seems like a dumb idea, for a variety of reasons. If you don’t get them already, read that last sentence.

If you still don’t get them, here they are.

First, having been to the Gabba, I really have no idea where they will put the thing. The ground isn’t particularly large, and there isn’t much space to stick a lion on the side of the ground ala Buck the Bronco.

Second, it’s a live lion. In the middle of potentially 30,000 rabid Queenslanders. A live lion.

Third, aside from logistical concerns, it has to be a cruel environment for the lion to be in. Keeping lions in zoos is one thing, but putting the king of the jungle in a cave in front of 30,000 fans has to be pretty uncomfortable for the poor thing.

Let’s hope the Lions don’t make the grand final and Larry the Lion has to make an appearance in front of 100,000 at the MCG. Perhaps opposite Terry the Richmond Tiger?

Fourthly, it’s a live lion.

Finally, while they promised to put it in a cage, there has to be a danger in bringing a live lion to a game of football (just read that sentence again if you have any doubts, particularly the second part).

There really appears to be some short memories in both the Lions and AFL boardrooms. A similar stunt in the late 1970s occurred – albeit with an elephant for some reason.

Said elephant got away from its keeper on North Melbourne’s Arden Street Oval during a game against Collingwood. You can read more about it on the AFL website Big Footy under the headline The day the elephant went berserk at Arden Street.

Thankfully no one was trampled, but the risk of a hungry elephant devouring a couple of fans was significantly less.

Finally, its a live lion.

All respect to the great man, but did Jonathan Brown make this decision? Browny has taken more than a few head knocks in his time, but even he must have thought bringing a live lion to the ground was harebrained at best.

We know things aren’t so peachy at the Brisbane Lions right now – well, for the past few years actually.

Over the past four seasons (2011-2014) attendances have dropped by around one third for the Lions. They have averaged around 20,000 – 8,000 less than their average in the five years after their premiership triumphs (2006-2010). Memberships have also been on the decline. From a peak of 30,000 at the height of their three premierships to an average of 22,000 across the past four seasons.

There have also been troubles at front office, with the side announcing an average yearly loss of around $2 million per year since 2007.

Brisbane fans are very sensitive when it comes to their lion. They got up in arms and threatened to walk out the last time head office played with it – and that was just putting the ‘Paddlepop’ lion on the front of their traditional jersey.

Hopefully this is just a marketing stunt to increase the AFL’s profile, particularly in the northern states, at finals time.

I’m no AFL CEO, but perhaps spending the money on the playing list might be the way forward. Brisbane crowds love a winner.

But if bringing a live lion is what is needed to boost flagging support, then perhaps it really is a circus over at Lions HQ.