2014's Almost Australian team

In light of Tuesday night’s All Australian team announcement, let’s take a (satirical) look and honour those players in the AFL that may have ‘just’ missed out on All Australian selection.

Whether they have had trouble with injuries, off-field incidents, do the one per centers or make you cringe when they have the ball in hand, these guys deserve recognition for their contribution (or lack thereof) to the game of AFL this season.

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Backs
Josh Bootsma – Drafted no.22 overall by Carlton in 2011 AFL Draft, Bootsma struggled mightily at AFL level never quite reaching his ceiling. A horror game against Richmond where he was tackled and pinned for holding the ball in the dying stages ultimately cost the Blues the game, which had the fans up in arms.

In June he was sacked for sending naked selfies on Snapchat after 14 games over three seasons.

Zac Dawson – He is considered a journeyman of the AFL after spending time with Hawthorn, St Kilda and now Fremantle. Obviously loves Ross Lyon and fits his defence first game style with his spoiling and under ten disposal games. In 2014 Dawson has averaged 2.7 kicks per game and had six disposals in the Dockers semi final against Port Adelaide.

Kyle Cheney – The 186-centimetre lad recruited from the Demons by Hawthorn as defence insurance, Cheney had his hands full in Round 5 when Tom Hawkins made him look like a rag doll kicking five goals on him. He has only played sparingly this season with nine appearances in the brown and gold.

Tom McDonald – The Demons defence is in shambles and McDonald battled hard throughout the first half of the season. Missing targets and spoiling when marking was the easier option highlight a tragic year for Melbourne fans. More time to understand Paul Roos’ game plan and coaching style is definitely needed.

Nick Maxwell (capt) – One of the most loathed players outside of Collingwood. Yes he is a premiership captain and that will always be on his resume but Maxwell played the loose man in defence and picked up many cheap possessions.

His advertisements for Ballarat University should solely get him on this list. Matthew Scarlett described him as “highly overrated” and said none of the Geelong players had any respect for him. He retired after Round 17 due to an ongoing ankle injury.

Troy Chaplin – After he crossed from the Power to the Tigers via free agency at the end of 2012 he sent a departing email to the rest of his then Port Adelaide teammates. He was critical of their work ethic and the culture of the club but egg is truly on his face after he now watches Port play in a preliminary final and his Tigers teammates sit around for the second year in a row losing the first week of the finals.

Midfield
Dale Thomas – Signed as a free agent by the Blues on a huge deal to cross over from Collingwood after last season. Enjoys a kick to kick session with adopted father Mick Malthouse before each game and hasn’t lived up to the hefty price tag Carlton are paying him.

Needs to get his ankles right before he can recreate his form, which saw him become a premiership player with the Pies.

Liam Anthony – Pick no.43 in the ’08 AFL Draft by the Roos and is now a forgotten man in a relatively deep Kangaroos midfield. Has played only four games this season and is a perfect candidate for the sub’s vest when picked. His ball skills and work ethic give reason for North fans to start tearing their hair out.

Ryan O’Keefe – A forgotten man in a star studded Sydney Swans team hoping to make their second grand final in three years. At 33 his career looks over but it is his September action off the field, which yields the 2012 Norm Smith medalist a place in the Almost Australian team. He and his wife Tara are taking the Durex ‘30 nights of nookie’ challenge and good luck to them.

Forwards
Ty Vickery – What more needs to be said? Tried to be ‘aggressive’ against the West Coast Eagles and earned himself a bad reputation and a four week sabbatical for clubbing Eagles ruckman Dean Cox knocking him out cold. Is normally dynamite on the set shot but needs to fix up the feathers too.

Liam Jones – Drafted as a key position player to aid the Bulldogs’ forward line, Jones hasn’t done enough to warrant a spot in the side after numerous chances. Played only ten games this year and has been held goalless in five of those matches

John Butcher – Has all the attributes of a decent key forward except the only skill that really matters, goal kicking. On numerous occasions has booted the ball out of bounds on the full when on a set shot and finds it very difficult to hit the fat side of a barn.

Scott Gumbleton – Injury has cruelled this man from the very start after the Bombers invested pick no.2 in the 2006 AFL Draft. ‘Gumby’ played 35 games for Essendon over seven seasons before being traded to the Dockers last year where he tore his hamstring twice and retired earlier this month after failing to play a single game for his new club.

Lewis Roberts-Thompson – LRT managed to play in two premierships with the Swans and remarkably played 179 games for Sydney. A rugged player with the ability to play forward or back he was the ultimate X factor whose effort outweighed his skill output.

Robin Nahas – Richmond fans were rejoicing after the Tigers delisted Nahas at the end of the 2013 season. This then transferred into angst from Kangaroos fans after the club picked him up as a delisted free agent. Used primarily as a backup to fellow small forward Lindsay Thomas, Nahas was booked in for shoulder surgery and will miss the remainder of this season after playing eight uninspiring games.

Rucks
Majak Daw – The first Sudanese man to play in the AFL has a body that looks like its been carved out of stone. A harsh selection based on his limited football ability but nonetheless deserves a spot in the side due to his misjudgment of the flight of the ball and confusion in reading the game. A raw talent who can look lost but needs a lot more work put into him.

Clinton Jones – A typical tagger whose job is to solely stop the person he is assigned to each week. Other then that Jones’ skills and left foot leave fans and opposition cringing. Delisted by the Saints and looks unlikely to get a second chance at AFL level.

Ryan Crowley (vice-capt) – The man who is an opposition nightmare and a guy you just love to hate. A renowned antagonist and accused pincher, Crowley uses any means necessary to put his opponent off their game and erase their influence. At age 30 (soon to be 31 next year) it looks as though time is fast running out for Crowley to hold his place in the Dockers team.

Interchange
Heritier Lumumba – The man formerly known as Harry O has his heart in the right place but just doesn’t know how to portray this to his club and the public. Seems to take everything to heart and wants to become the next Australian of the Year winner. Looks set to leave the Pies and flourish with the Demons.

Karmichael Hunt – Harmichael as Sam Newman loves to call him crossed over from the Brisbane Broncos in the NRL to try his hand at AFL and although he did better than his contemporary Israel Folau, still left a lot of things to be desired. Kicked the match-winning goal against Richmond after the siren, which is something he can proudly claim.

Jack Watts – The number one overall pick in the 2008 AFL Draft which has Demons fans wondering if he will ever live up to the status of his draft number. Frustrating to watch with his selective efforts and is constantly under fire from former Demon great Garry Lyon.

Chris Dawes – Had a fantastic year in 2010 when he was with the Magpies playing in their first flag since 1990 and kicking 30 goals from 20 games. Was traded to the Demons after the 2012 season and hasn’t looked like regaining his 2010 form. Needs a helping hand in the forward line which could be aided by Jesse Hogan’s fitness and imminent debut.

So there you have it. Are there any players missing? Who would you pick in the Almost Australians of 2014?