Seriously Parramatta, WTF...

Culture. It’s an overused word in the NRL these days. What does it even mean? The most relevant definition that I could find was, “The attitudes and behaviour characteristic of a particular social group.”

The cultural issue that has raised its ugly head in a big way this week is the train wreck that is the Parramatta Eels.

Seriously. What the hell?

This club is the epitome of dysfunction. It has been 29 years since their last premiership. Only Cronulla has waited longer. Since 1990 they’ve had 10 coaches. That’s an average tenure of two-and-a-half years. Take Brian Smith’s 10-year stint out and each coach has averaged less than two seasons at the helm.

Now the Kieran Foran deal looks like going belly up too. Why? This is what I have been able to figure out:

• The NRL fined Parramatta $525,000 for repeated salary cap breaches in 2013 and 2014. They must undertake an independence governance review or they might lose four competition points in 2016.

• Foran signed a $4.7 million deal, which was later revealed to have a $1 million escape clause should there be turmoil at the club. Turmoil at Parramatta is like sauce on a pie.

• The NRL pointed the clause out to a stunned board, who knew nothing about it and desperately started trying to revise the contract so as to avoid more salary cap punishment.

• CEO Scott Seward resigned – presumably because of this issue.

• Rumours abound that it also looks grim for coach Brad Arthur, with former coach and current general manager of football operations Daniel Anderson angling for the job.

• Calls for the Eels to be privatised to end mismanagement and dysfunction appear in the press.

• To add to it all, a story breaks that Will Hopoate may leave the club because of third-party deals that have failed to eventuate.

Undoubtedly there is more to it than this, and more back stories than a season of Days of our Lives. Only someone deeply invested in the club would know the whole story and understand all of the feuds at play.

What I know is that the NRL would be much better with a strong Parramatta.

However, is it possible for that to happen? Is the infighting and dysfunction too deeply ingrained? Do they, as some have suggested, need to have a dictator at the helm, or just be privatised, or both?

In a message to supporters yesterday Parramatta chairman Steve Sharp, who played in the Eels first three premierships, apologised to the club’s supporters for the uncertainty over Foran, as well as discussing other issues.

I have added some possible interpretations to his statements.

The board and I acknowledge that speculation around Kieran Foran’s contract and other issues in the media have been unsettling for you; the Eels fans and members, our club, our team and Kieran.

For that, we apologise. However, we are conscious of our duty and obligation to ensure the long-term viability of our club and its effective governance.

Possible interpretation: We are sorry this is such a balls up and we look like idiots again, but the problem we (well, the NRL actually) found in Kieran’s contract – that we should really have been across from the start – means we might break the salary cap again.

Conversations are ongoing with Kieran and his management and we are hopeful that these contract issues can be resolved and an agreement reached that is positive for all parties.

We see Kieran as an essential part of our football team going forward, and his approach to this unfortunate issue has only confirmed that he is the type of player who can take this club forward, on and off the field.

Possible interpretation: Please don’t go somewhere else Kieran! We’ll be your best friend! Honest!

The board has not discussed any change to the position of Head Coach and no other head coaching candidates have been approached. The speculation in today’s media is false and factually inaccurate. On Monday night, the board invited Brad Arthur, Daniel Anderson and the Acting CEO John Boulous to our meeting to provide their input. The contribution from our coaching and management team was exceptional and demonstrated that the spirit of collaboration is the only way to take our club into a new era.

Possible interpretation: If Brad goes then we are virtually no chance to get Kieran. Everyone wants Kieran to come so we’ve agreed to present a united front. We did get rid of football manager Jason Irvine though.

Six weeks ago we went through a democratic election process and while others have sought to denigrate our club and our successful candidates, we have continued to push forward with a positive agenda. We are disappointed that some self-serving individuals are seeking to destabilise our club through the media during this period.

These unwarranted attacks must cease.

Possible interpretation: We won the election and now the rest of you have to shut up.

In relation to comments this morning regarding privatisation, the board on behalf of our membership base expresses its disappointment at such appalling opportunism. Our club is a community asset, owned by its members, and it’s not for sale.

Individuals who are unable to get elected or appointed through a democratic process should not try to grasp control of the club by trying to buy, or undermine it with their continued vicious attacks.

Possible interpretation: It’s our bat and our ball so we make the rules. No matter how badly that’s gone in the past we aren’t going to consider change.

All this tongue in cheek aside, the great majority of Parramatta’s warring parties only got involved in the fight because they love the Eels. Sure, there will be some mercenary opportunists in there for their own benefit, but for the most part these people just want Parramatta to become a powerhouse again.

What they need is someone that they all can rally behind.

One Parramatta player I’ve always loved is Peter Sterling. Not only was he one of the very best halfbacks I’ve ever seen, he’s a great bloke. He drips with decency, integrity and rationality. He might be the only person who could pull the dysfunctional club together and get it back to its glory days.

Last night on his show he made an impassioned plea for all the warring parties at the club to work together to get rid of the issues that plague them. And they just might if he was at the helm.

Back when I was working with the Nine Network I asked him if he’d consider coaching a certain side. He said there was no way he’d do it as the management there had such a bad reputation. Given that was his stance back in 1998, it is hard to see how he might now volunteer to charge into the valley of death that is the Parramatta Leagues Club.

It’s a pity though. He’d be great.

I have no idea if there is any fix for the issues and culture of dysfunction at Parramatta. I just wish some were found, partly because it’s not a good look for the NRL, but mostly because their long-suffering fans deserve so much better.