The ICC have today released updates to the Laws of Backyard Cricket exclusively to The Roar.
A redacted copy is produced below.
1a – First ball
No player can be dismissed first ball.
The purpose of this law is to ensure your Star Trek-loving cousin will at least feel compelled to field for a little bit after you get him out second ball.
1b – Auto wickie
The ‘auto wickie’ playing conditions vary from ground to ground. As a general rule, auto wickie will extend to a virtual third slip and may/may not include a leg slip.
In situations where a wicketkeeper is present, the match referee may still allow for the auto wickie law to be in force.
The auto wickie never drops a catch. The exception is Pakistan, where the auto wickie rarely holds a catch.
1c – One hand, one bounce
The Law is only enforceable when the fielder has his other hand occupied with a beverage contained in a glass vessel or sausage in bread/roll (sauce optional, but preferred).
The one hand, one bounce Law ensures that batsmen will attempt to keep the ball along the ground, therefore not losing them in the neighbour’s gum tree or down a gutter in the street.
1d – No LBW
The bowler can never be trusted to form an impartial view on the bona fides of any LBW appeal.
Therefore, an appeal for LBW is automatically declined the moment the appeal begins.
Batsmen deliberately blocking the ball with their legs are deemed to be ‘shit blokes’, and may be punished by repeated bouncing (see Law 1e – six and out).
1e – Six And out
Selfishly hitting the ball over the fence shall lead to the following procedure being enacted:
1) The batsman shall be awarded 6 runs; and
2) The batsman will be deemed out; and
3) The batsman must recover the ball.
In the event that the ball is unrecoverable, the following procedure shall be enacted:
1) A new ball shall be found; and
2) Should a new ball be found, the batsman who lost the previous ball will no longer be allowed to bat; and
3) Should no new balls be available, all players shall gather in front of the BBQ and remind the batsman what a terrible human being they are.
1f – DRS
Any child under the age of 16 may ask for a review from an adult once per innings. Tears are known to be an effective way to sway the review in your favour.
A person of any age may ask for a review by the host if at a BBQ.
Law not applicable in India
1g – Magic wickets
A player will be deemed run out if the fielding team throws down either wicket with the batsmen out of his ground.
The fielding team shall be the arbiter of whether the batsman has made his ground.
2a – Standard over
The bowler will continue to bowl until either:
1) The batsman asks how many balls left. The bowler is to reply “three” and finish out the over; or
2) Another fielder asks how many balls left. The bowler is to reply “This is my last ball” and finish the over.
2b – Legal delivery
Those under 15 years of age may bowl underarm.
The bowling crease shall be loosely marked, either by a crack in the driveway concrete or an imaginary mark on the grass.
The length of the pitch will variable.
3a – Esky
The esky shall be placed at either end.
The esky shall be filled with ice and beer.
The esky shall act as the wicket.
Any player spilling the esky will be deemed a ‘shit bloke’.
3b – Balls
Only tennis balls shall be allowed.
Taped tennis balls may be used where the pitch is rated dead or you are playing at Damien Fleming’s house.
3c. Dog
Dogs are to be treated like a loose impediment in golf: any ball hitting the dog is ‘rub of the green’.
Any ball caught by the dog is out.
Any slobber on the ball is bad luck and must be taken care of by the bowler.
3d – Bat
Only bats with well-worn grips, a fake Allan Border signature and a Gray-Nicolls moniker may be used.
Visiting players may bring their own equipment.
Double scoops are prohibited.
4a – End of match
The game shall be deemed over when:
1) The salad and the sausages are ready; or
2) All the balls have been lost; or
3) Steve Smith is batting/Mitch Johnson is bowling on the TV; or
4) Bad light stopped play.
4b – Damage to the garden
All flower damage shall be deemed to have occurred prior to the start of play.
4e – WAGs
WAGs shall be permitted to bat by either:
1) Invitation; or
2) They have fielded for at least 10 minutes; or
3) They have brought food and/or beer to the players at some stage during the day; or
4) They have been looking after the kids.
WAGs shall bat at their own risk, noting that the bowler may be inebriated.
The ICC has opened submissions for future iterations of the Backyard Cricket Laws. Those submissions are to be made in the comments section below.
Warrane cricket council
Guest
WCC amendment X2 9.A"Geoff boycott" law.... Where your older brother, or English mate is being a toss and failing to offer any enterprising stroke play, lbw shall be enacted for a determined period, Out decision based on the majority of fielders with at least 1 senior club game agreeing... 9.2A Sandshoe crusher. Where taped ball is in use, and the bowler bowls a perfect waqar younis inswinging yorker, crushing batsmens toes, the batsmen must walk. LBW is deemed irrelevant. S--t bloke clause applies to non walkers, who must do beer runs for the rest of the game....cheers
Andrew
Guest
There shall be a clear linear correlation between the pace of the bowler and the length of a batsmans innings. A batsman at the start of his innings shall receive medium pace or spin (exception to the rule is when sledging has been in play whilst the batsman has been in the field), and pace shall increase over the course of the innings to the point of express pace bowling when the batsman is approaching a milestone, ie 40's, 90's or highest recorded score at the venue.
Tony
Guest
I was wondering where you were going with "intimate objects". To be used in lieu of bails perhaps?
Dennis Freedman
Roar Guru
It was coloquial commentary Megan in a satirical piece. #Context
Ben
Guest
All bowls must be of an acceptable pace, taking into consideration the skill of the batter and the general nature of the game. Although once an over the bowler, after clearly announcing "Shoaib" to all players (batter and fielders alike), may bowl at any pace/line they feel like challenging the batter with. This may NOT occur on the first ball of the over.
Will
Guest
- Running forever until the fielders recover the ball is permitted if the batsman manages to on-drive along the ground under the hut at the end of the wicket - The third umpire can be referred to by way of the CCTV camera in the adjacent dentists' car park. Referrals can take days and should not delay the ongoing play. - Certain zones on walls may be deemed automatic 4s and 6s. However, catching off the wall is permitted, as per Justin's proposal on catches off the roof. If caught, no runs are scored.
Megan Maurice
Expert
I really enjoyed it until I got to the sexism. The rest was very funny though.
JohnD
Guest
Title of law 1g needs to be altered to account for regionally specific nomenclature, i.e. "Magic/Electric Wickets"
Steve
Guest
What if a six is hit and the ball bounces off an adjacent roof and back into the field of play? Is that still out?
bryan
Guest
Any batsman in for longer than 10 minutes should immediately start hitting catches, preferably as hard as you can at the loudest mouth in the field. Any and all drops should be sledged. No walking on the pitch if it is beach cricket. Anyone who hits the final ball as a 6 and out requires the offender to immediately drive to the nearest store to obtain new balls
Sean Bowen
Guest
Certain intimate objects may be deemed to be automatic fielders, as long a suitable name is established for said object E.g. Bricky Ponting, Brett Tree, Shane Lawn, Glen McCar, Muttiah Muraliwheelie-bin. All automatic fielders must be declared at the beginning of the match by the captain of the home side.
Captain Kickass
Guest
Regarding sub-section (1e) 'Six and Out' : My years spent in the BCG taught me that above all the "Ball" is the essential factor in any successful days play. It should be treated with the highest of reverence. On occasion, batsmen on the verge of a half-century may sacrifice any chances of further cricket by deliberately and blatantly smashing pull shots two (sometimes three) yards away. In doing so, it often renders the day's proceedings 'over'. My neighbours on one side were Turkish immigrants and highly protective of their various vegetable gardens. To the rear we had a full grown German Shepherd, who started to treat those on ball-fetch duty as some kind of prey. As a result, we implemented the removal of the six run reward for these outlandish acts of douchebaggery, acicidental or otherwise. - ALL shots over the fence / stuck in gutters or on roof / sent into an irretrievable abyss ... are considered as an outfield catch (invisible outfield if you will), and as such signals the end of your innings. - NO RUNS will be awarded. - 6's WILL be earned with good technique. - As punishment for your crimes you also have to get the ball (this also incorporates requests to neighbours front doors, and negotiations with feisty animals).
Jack Smith
Roar Guru
These are all absolutely correct. Addition to 1e) Play shall be abandoned if ball is unrecoverable in the circumstance that the neighbour has threatened to call the police if they find one more ball in their yard. Participants must flee with all equipment into the safety of the house. This applies at all levels. Also, if the ball is hit onto the road and is recoverable, the batsmen shall be awarded a four to ensure they cannot run a ridiculous number of runs as a result of oncoming traffic.
Rich_daddy
Roar Guru
Spirit of the Game Rule 4c - Hit and Run A hit and run rule may be adopted with the mutual agreement of both sides. It is recommended this rule is adopted when two batsman are at the crease If a player is repeatedly leaving balls or offering only defensive strokes, he/she will be subject to sledging such as "corpse with pads" or "Would you like me to bowl you a piano to see if you can play that?". In such circumstances, the hit and run may be introduced mid-game at the discretion of the fielding side.
Andy
Guest
4e should include HABs as well!
Kris Swales
Expert
The Swales clan take the annual Christmas Test pretty seriously.
Wade
Guest
There's a score card?
Justin
Guest
4e. WAG Bowling A WAG shall be permitted to bowl if she asks. No questioning of a WAG's bowling action is permitted (in the interests of marital bliss). Any male batsman who is out to a WAG shall be mercillessly sledged.
Justin
Guest
additional subclause to thi law with regards to trampolines placed on their side to protect windows. Ball is still considered 'in play' until it strikes the ground.
Kris Swales
Expert
Any ball hit into a nominated tree on the full goes into the scorecard as "caught Graeme Wood". Also needs a Spirit Of Cricket addendum - Sledging is compulsory.