The Liebke Ratings: Australia vs New Zealand third Test

With the run-fest of Perth behind us, everybody headed to Adelaide for the third Australia versus New Zealand Test. Little known fact: this was the first ever day-night Test, and Australia ended up winning it by three wickets in three day-nights.

Here are the historic ratings for the historic Test between these historic nations.

History
Grade: B+

Arriving in Adelaide on the day of the Test, you could feel the excitement in the air. Or, if not excitement, then a seemingly endless amount of speculation about the behaviour of pink balls. Which is surely the next best thing.

For a Test with such historic significance, it’s important for teams to take an early advantage. Disappointing, then, that neither team learnt their opponent’s national anthem and drowned them out with a perfectly harmonised rendition.

You can’t strike too soon in Test cricket, and anthem one-upmanship is surely the kind of edge international teams should be searching for.

Ah well. Maybe in the first night-day Test.

Mitchell Starc’s foot
Grade: D

While bowling in the first innings, Mitchell Starc suffered a stress fracture of the foot, bringing the Australian and New Zealand teams to what is commonly referred to in cricketing circles as Mitchell Parity.

The injury also inspired the following anagram: ‘stress fractured’ = ‘Starc duress! Fret!’

But fret the Australians refused to do. Oh, sure, they made Starc bat at 11 in the first innings. But Josh Hazlewood went on to compensate for Starc’s absence with the ball, taking 6-70 in New Zealand’s second innings of 208.

Hazlewood’s effort seemed sufficient for captain Steve Smith to completely forget about Starc’s injury, as he cruelly sent his hobbled fast bowler in at more or less his usual batting spot to bat with Peter Siddle with only two runs needed for victory.

Expect limited edition prints of Starc hopping the winning two runs in the first ever day-night Test to be plugged endlessly throughout the rest of the summer.

Massage therapists
Grade: C+

With Starc off the field from the very first day, Australia sent out their massage therapist Grant Baldwin as a substitute fielder. A lot of people took this as a sign of unprofessionalism on the home team’s part, but surely the opposite is true.

What could be more professional than having someone on the field who can apply physiotherapy to any of his 10 teammates between overs? Much more efficient than waiting for players to come off for treatment one at a time. Great thinking from Cricket Australia.

And, besides, a massage therapist fielding for Australia is by no means the craziest idea I’ve heard. After all, there was a time not so long ago when an ex-Bonds underwear model captained the team.

Now, that was crazy.

Shaun Marsh
Grade: A

Since Shane Watson retired, Australia have struggled to find somebody to fill the comedy cricketer role that the injury, lbw and DRS-prone all-rounder had made his own over the past decade or so.

I’m pleased to report that in this Test, Shaun Marsh stood up to claim that spot, senselessly run out in the first innings for two and then caught at slip one run short of his half-century in the second, while attempting to guide Australia to victory.

Bad luck for the injured Usman Khawaja, of course. But despite his best pseudo-hipster shirt-top-buttoning efforts, Khawaja never really looked like the humorist for the job.

Marsh has much more potential in this role and plenty of experience now. Let’s hope that the selectors choose to give him a decent run in the comedy slot.

After all, Australia haven’t been Mitchless and Marshless since the fourth Test of the 2013 Ashes at Chester-le-Street. With Mitches disappearing by the Test, it’s up to Shaun Marsh to hold this streak together.

Nigel Llong
Grade: B

On the afternoon of the second day, with Australia eight wickets down and still 83 runs behind New Zealand’s first innings score of 202, New Zealand referred a not out decision for a catch off a sweeping Nathan Lyon.

Third umpire Nigel Llong then made his mark on the game by ignoring the mark on Lyon’s bat, in favour of the lack of any mark on Snicko. Full marks.

Reprieved, Lyon unwalked and went on to score 34 in a 74-run partnership with wicketkeeper Peter Nevill. Then the hobbling Starc smashed 20 off a single Mark Craig over to give Australia an unlikely first innings lead, prompting speculation that perhaps all the Australian batsmen should have their feet fractured before batting in their second innings.

When New Zealand collapsed in the third innings and Australia struggled to chase down the total in the fourth, the extra runs from the first innings Lyon-Nevill partnership loomed large in the minds of New Zealand fans.

Luckily, for the good of world cricket, New Zealand went on to only just lose the game, ensuring that the Black Caps will be maximally fuelled by Llong fury for the foreseeable future.

Personally, I’m more than happy for New Zealanders to bang on about Llong’s DRS decision for the next 35 years, especially if it means they might give the whole underarm thing a rest for a bit.

A change is as good as a holiday and all that.