After another contentious golden point balls-up in Perth last night, it’s become apparent The Bunker is an expensive and worthless waste. The NRL is left with no choice but to abandon the system and scam it off to a sucker at an over-inflated price.
Yep, I urge the game’s bosses to not hesitate and do what I say. The Bunker has got to go, and it’s got to go now, preferably at a face-saving price.
Usually Cash Converters would be the perfect chump for fleecing-off such a dud piece, but these days they’re only in to designer labels and high-end products like pre-loved Discmans or pre-thieved Gameboys.
Unfortunately, they’ve learnt to identify a lemon when they see it, so the NRL’s salesmen wouldn’t even make it past the preliminary ‘are you a drug dealer’ stage of their purchasing process.
To get rid of a ground-breaking shonk like The Bunker, the NRL needs the Defcon One of ‘creative marketing campaigns.’
By that, I mean they need ‘blatant fibs,’ a concept also known as an ‘informercial’.
Yep, the reliable infomercial industry has been flogging off dodgy products for years.
Their funded testimonies and bleached teeth have regularly entranced idiots in to parting with the balances of their pre-approved Creditline accounts since Jesus drank from a Nutri-Bullet.
Sure, some may view their strategies as slightly ‘consumer law breachy’, but so what?
These are desperate times for the NRL. They need to offload this monstrosity to a foolhardy consumer before the game’s grand match-fixing reputation sustains serious irreversible damage.
Sure, I know what you’re thinking.
Exposing The Bunker to the shady infomercial fan-base could be a risky ploy that sees it converted it in to a porn den, but at least its better than finishing up as spare parts, or worse still, continuing to be used as an inadequate review system for professional sports.
I imagine their shonky script would go something like this:
Are you tired of making your own mind up? Sick of the peskiness of forming your own decisions?
Are you through with the drudgery that comes with reaching the correct outcome? And most importantly, are you weighed down by credibility, dependability and a spare $2 million that can be transferred immediately?
Then you need The Bunker- the ultimate Central Command Centre for all your day-to-day arbitrations!
As we all know, modern life is a wonderful blur of energy and initiative. Imagine if these could both be retarded and paralysed?
It’s no secret we’ve all found ourselves yearning for something that can unnecessarily over-analyse the contentious moments in our day-to-day lives and totally mess it up.
We simply want to delegate everything to a room in another suburb, and we want it done with the pace of a distracted meth addict and half the reliability.
The Bunker can do this, and so much less!
Created using rare televisual technology exclusive to most regular households on planet earth, The Bunker is the world’s first premium economy deliberation device that fits snugly in to your spare acreage.
Until now, owning an expensive state-of-the-art network of cool screens like The Bunker has been the stuff of imagination for everyone except illegal importers and professional voyuers.
But for a small fortune, now you can be cool and wrong, just like these guys!
Combining Apollo 13-style ingenuity with doona fart-popularity, The Bunker comes delivered on the back of a tiny semi-trailer in an easy-to-assemble 8526 piece set of complex cabling, control desks, screens, joysticks and a heap of nobs.
(But you can call them ‘Tony and the boys’).
Assembly is easy. Following our simple instructions, all you’ll need is a jackhammer and a Yale graduate. Next thing you know, it will be next Tuesday and you’ll still be following our simple instructions!
Watch how all of your simple day-to-day decisions are intruded upon by a multitude of over-zoomed split-screens that replay repeatedly until you scratch your head and develop a bizarre craving for Wicked Wings.
Not only is The Bunker energy-inefficient and microwave safe, it also possesses absurd perceptive qualities that will have you impressing your friends in no time with your other-worldly interpretation of ‘doubt’.
Now that’s ‘reportable’!
We guarantee, after one tedious week with The Bunker, you’ll have totally forgotten it’s non-existent imitations.
And as for the counter-factual data-driven analysis of the doubters? They’ll be washed away in the family’s amazement at the machine’s life-altering efficiency!
But how much would you expect to pay for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
We’re not going to tell you because the numbers on the keyboard don’t go that high. However, call now and we’ll waive your cooling-off period at no cost!
And if you’re one of the first 50 callers through, we’ll also throw in shipping and Luke Patten.
C’mon you rich idiot. Buy The Bunker! Seriously, you need the cords.
And for those in doubt? We already have a decision and we’re going to the board.
Don’t hesitate. Buy now.
Cugel
Roar Rookie
Judging by the cheering from the peanut gallery here every time someone might get hurt, which then leads to yet another tackle type banned, "ballerinas" is what the league public want.
andrew
Guest
OT Did any of those enraged Souths Supporters point out that they haven't had a game where they haven't used the HIA as an extra interchange since Round 4? and that Jason Clark and Kyle Turner seem to be the unluckiest (or luckiest however you look at it) in that they both seem to have suffered a knock that required to remove them from the field three times each already this season and coincidentally they all happen between the 30-40th min and the 62nd-72nd minute.... Poor Souths, never get the rub of the green do they....
andrew
Guest
I love a Souths fan thinking there is some conspiracy to prevent them from winning... lol... a SOUTHS fan of all people...
Arnold Krewanty
Guest
How about rid technology all together, and just go with the Refs call, like we have for over a hundred years of RL?
Red Dog
Guest
Keep taking your pills Alex .
Josh
Guest
yes he was standing there, but he was not even looking at the ball. You see him take a sideways glance at Fergo before the collision. He really did milk it and he should have been pushed over. In Morris's defence - if you can get away with it - then fine. But the Bunker should have picked it up. That said I prefer the Bunker to the Video Ref of prior seasons
Joel
Guest
yea dj, they see all angles at once too .. and Archer explained that they are getting a high percentage calls correct, and if that is the case, bunker stays, I am happy with it so far, just keep Luke Patten away from it and all will be fine.
Raugeee
Guest
The bunker got some great calls right in the Sharks V Doggies match tonight.
djcooper
Roar Guru
Did we see all of the angles though Epiquin because Tony Archer was adamant the correct call was made on the footy show yesterday?
Marvel
Guest
I noticed they seem to completely overlook obstruction for try scoring altogether so it has swung the other way too far.i
Lovey
Guest
To be replaced by the same "lack of spontaneity" four times during a game? And for the rest of the game we go back in time to on-field decisions, with the attendant replays showing clearly wrong decisions. I don't think the time to review is such a big deal. To speed up the game, do away with scrums.
Alex L
Roar Rookie
It was Josh Morris, and he was standing right at the drop of the ball only to be pushed off by Fergo before the ball landed...
Epiquin
Roar Guru
Valid argument there Baz, but I think Jimmmy explains it pretty well. The ref still has to call it how he sees it, instead of looking for every possible infraction and the player's birth certificate before he makes up his mind. We might see the refs get some of their confidence back and captains will only challenge if they are pretty certain the ref is wrong. The nightmare scenario is something like the Morris try from Origin 1 - if anyone tells you the video ref was wrong they are lying, but if they tell you the video ref was right, they are also lying. There is no possible way for any human to see what happened there and the ref can't make a definite call either way.
Jimmmy
Guest
That's why we need a better system Epi.
Jimmmy
Guest
TB , I agree with your first point. Truely the video ref should not be getting decisions wrong . It is ridiculous. If there is any doubt go with the Ref for sure. The video ref is only there to stop the absolutely terrible ref decision IMO. Your scenario could happen but if the video ref is told to overturn only on near certainty it should not be a big issue. Your second issue doesn't really arise. The try is scored, the Ref rules try The other captain would quickly ask the tackler or another close player if there was an issue . If they think it is a no try they challenge. If not , back to half way. The team would not want to waste challenges so if it seems OK the decision will stand . Obviously if a team has challenges in hand towards the end of the game they will routinely use them but again if the bunker is told you must be 95% confident to overturn a decision that shouldn't be a problem. It does take a lot of pressure of the Refs. If they don't challenge an incorrect decision then it is the riar fault not the Refs. If they challenge an obviously straight forward decision, they have wasted one. The NRL should trial this perhaps preseason games and Iron out the bugs but it is much better than we have now.
The Barry
Roar Guru
The thing I don't understand about the captains challenge is how it is supposed to take the onus off the officials. Say a captain uses one of his challenges but gets it wrong. He uses his second challenge but gets overturned on a shocking video ref call. You know the ones. Later in the game, the refs miss an obvious knock-on, foot on the sideline, double movement, whatever. The skipper has used both his challenges, so there can be no disputing the decision despite replays clearly showing the infraction. He's been robbed of one of his challenges by the poor video ref call. That scenario sounds like an absolute nightmare. I'd like to say it's unlikely but its not. Coaches and fans will still be whinging about the decisions that cost their teams tries or cost them challenges. I also think that shifting the responsibility for correct decision making to a captain who might be on the other side of the field, as opposed to the ref who is (or should be) on the spot is ridiculous. It almost sounds like an out for the refs "Yep, we got it stone motherless wrong, but blame your captain, he used up all your challenges" Decision making sits with the decision makers not the captains. The technology is good but the systems and processes of how and when the video ref is used are poor.
catcat
Guest
I like the idea of a captains challenge too as I have seen it used in NFL (coaches challenge there)...for NRL it would give the refs a good reply to players that challenge their decisions or are trying to work them over in a game like some do...if you think I am wrong why don't you challenge it.... However- all these things seem like a great idea but when played out on the field have unintended consequences. Are we going to get players watching the replay videos, or trainers calling out, more video replays with more contentious decisions??? Maybe good to trial in an all star game or similar first to see where we end up......we could end up watching half the game from the bunker if we're not careful!
steveng
Roar Rookie
Yeah, he would have had to have broken some sort of a sprint record if he could have gotten to Reynolds to stop that kick at a field goal. That penalty for obstruction was ridiculous and RL is going to the dumps and allot of fans are getting more and more disappointed with decisions like that, RL is becoming more and more like the soccer ballerinas and no wonder players are taking a dive for an obstruction and a penalty!
Birdy
Guest
I agree Jimmy, Captains call . Bring back to spontaneity of RL . That's what made it great.
Joel
Roar Rookie
I like the way they treat video ref decisions in the rugby union. Whatever decision is made by the video ref is in consultation with the on-field ref, rather than the on field guy going with whatever the video ref says and then blaming the video ref when the players complain on the field.. "it's been reviewed mate, it's been reviewed"... The NRL treats the bunker like a higher power during games enforcing hard and fast rules and getting it wrong instead of applying common sense rulings and being fair.