Following a dramatic shift in public curiosity, chequebook journalism is giving up on Schapelle Corby to chase Des Hasler.
The coach is currently on the run from Bulldogs members and the truth, making it a story of much greater intrigue than international drug trafficking.
Australia is lusting for him to explain his connection to allegations of repeatedly smuggling 1700 kilograms of dope in the form of a football team.
Authorities stepped up inquiries after Sunday’s flashpoint when Hasler’s Bulldogs were viciously blazed by Penrith.
Did Hasler pack his team full of footballers before it left the sheds? Can he explain why it arrived full of sedatives? Does he believe it was tampered with as it passed through the tunnel?
Most importantly, is the suspicious package his? Or is he being framed?
In addition to pursuing Hasler over the matter, the Canterbury club will also be called in for questioning after being witnessed making multiple changes in identity.
Canterbury Bankstown – aka The Family Club, aka The Entertainers, aka a subsidiary of Oasis Developments – were seen answering to the gritty title of The Dogs of War before being spotted suspiciously using the short drop-out.
Another person of interest is favourite son David Klemmer, who has been approached to explain his reasons for seeking a move to Wests Tigers under a prisoner swap deal.
But despite the range of suspects, Hasler remains the one roasting most rapidly under the lamp of public scrutiny.
Authorities received earlier public tip-offs about his conduct from Messrs T. Lamb and S. Mortimer, but their 500-plus games of Bulldog know-how were regrettably snubbed because they weren’t Bullfrog Moore.
Despite the allegations, Hasler has deflected blame by hinting his side’s unimaginative state could be down to supernatural causes like refereeing.
He has also assured fans the team’s performance will improve when Kieran Foran arrives to be mentored by experienced halfbacks James Graham and Aiden Tolman.
Hasler is also believed to be working on other enhancements to the team, like urging Moses Mbye to take up religion.
But the fans have ignored his assurances, preferring instead to simply concentrate on Josh Reynolds returning so he can at least kick something to restore normality.
They will protest with a proposed boycott of Monday’s game against the Dragons at ANZ Stadium, leaving the stands at the venue embarrassingly empty for the first time in almost four days.
Hasler is the man who holds the answers they and this nation seek, and he can reveal them safe in the knowledge he has complete amnesty from everything except the consequences.
But if he cannot provide a reasonable explanation, he should hand back his salary under the Proceeds of Crime act.
The Barry
Roar Guru
F..k you're a gronk
Isaac
Guest
Hasler shouldn't be sacked, Moses Mybe And Michael Lichaa are hopeless.
TigerMike
Guest
Haha Dane Great work Hey maybe Woodsie has the inside dope? Love Des tv interview so I'm v surprised that Des himself hasnt replied!
BigJ
Roar Guru
This reminds of the the Wwf v Wcw wrestling war of the late 90s. Two of the biggest wrestlers of the time Scott Hall ( razor Ramon) and kevin nash (disel) were working fo Vince McMahon's wwf in 1996 after both guys contracts came up for expiry the pair jumped ship to ted turners wcw for more money and easier work schedules. The pair along with wrestling biggest star hulk hogan woukd from the NWO in july of 1996 which would become the biggest most popular group in either company. Unfortunately it would destroy the company outside out because the group got to big for the company to handle. The wcw was purchased by the Wwf in 2001 with McMahon admitting he sent Hall and Nash to kill the company from the inside out. Hasler seems to be doing the same with the dogs
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Thanks AGordon. It certainly has been an elite display of Tigers-like administration.
AGordon
Guest
I thought Hasler would be the first coach sacked this year and a week after I had that thought, he gets a contract extension. No idea what the Berries management is thinking but happy with the results as a non-Canterbury supporter. Great article by the way.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Based on this, look for Tim Cleary to be new Dogs CEO
Bunney
Roar Rookie
I like it BigJ. Could also explain why Manly let the highly rated Buhrer go to Newcastle too. They might have miscalculated George Rose's impact at the Storm though...
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Swish!
qwetzen
Guest
And then get the players to change the time of coke back to the traditional end of season trip where it belongs....
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Thanks Scott, much appreciated. Look forward to receiving my 'internet' in the post
Scott Pryde
Expert
You have just won the internet for today Dane. Comment of the month.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Max, I won't lie. 4720 minutes is a lot of minutes. The NRL needs to pull its finger out and change the speed of time
BigJ
Roar Guru
True i could be on to something here
kk
Roar Pro
Hello Dane, This mystery, be it mystery comedy or mystery tragedy is contracted to run for another 690 days. Included therein is the necessity for 59 games totalling 4,720 minutes of Rugby League to be played. Your brilliant takes may help thousands through these winters of utter discontent. "Laugh with Dane: Relieve the Pain" Blanket donations to the Belmore Depot of the C-BRLFC warmly received.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Could be, Qwetzen. Personally, I prefer the nickname "The Rampant Nepotismists" (if that is a word)
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Thanks Barry! Glad I could deliver you a snort. (A statement last heard on Rep Round)
Dane Eldridge
Expert
BigJ, you downplay your elaborate conspiracy. But remember, we are talking about Bozo here
qwetzen
Guest
True or False: Was 'The Family Club' a sly euphemism for 'rampant nepotism'? Like the famous 'colourful racing identity' was for 'crook'.
The Barry
Roar Guru
Even though this was funny it's pretty grim reading anything about the Dogs fortunes at the moment. But the line "like urging Moses Mbye to take up religion" literally made me snort out loud on the train. Does that count as a lol? Thanks for brightening up my Friday albeit in the least expected way!!