With Cameron Smith now also handling Origin team selections, rugby league officials plan to save the hassle and grant him control of “pretty much everything”.
Smith has recently wedged Queensland selection duties into his brimming portfolio, resulting in Tim Glasby’s debut and a proposed ban on considering any talent in Sea Eagles matches.
This latest duty adds to his responsibilities as skipper of club, state and country, roles he performs in among his service as Players Association president and on-field one-man jury.
NRL officials have grown aware of Smith’s gradual monopolisation of rugby league, with most concerned his absurd vitality will see him inevitably outlive the game they so cherish to stuff around.
They are also troubled by the massive losses forecast on shipping costs as he further pillages their trophies, not to mention the expensive outlay to perform routine annual audits on the 2012 premiership.
As a result, officials plan to simply give him the keys to everything now and “call it even”.
This means Smith will finally be handed the reins officially at all levels of governance of rugby league, beginning with chairing the Match Review Panel, then overturning his own decisions as head of the judiciary.
He will take control of all NRL assets such as goal posts, referees and the remains of the giant Optus Vision TV, which in its current form draws a steady income as a bedsit on Airbnb.
In addition, Smith will assume rights to his rescinded 2007 and 2009 premierships, with record books to be retrospectively updated to reflect he ultimately stripped them from himself.
The handover will also result in the champion hooker receiving full shareholder rights to the Knights and the Titans, a package which is set to land him a windfall of at least 23 penny shares.
Smith may also take up the presidency of both clubs should he wish to attempt emulating an Eddie McGuire-style acquisition, however this will also require remodelling his image to be boorish enough for breakfast radio.
Furthermore, the 34-year-old will finally formalise current processes by assuming official control of The Bunker.
Speaking at the official handover, where Smith was presented with the NRL Headquarters’ WiFi password, CEO Todd Greenberg remarked he was “powerless” to finally ratify the Queenslander’s vice-like grip on rugby league:
“They manner in which Cameron was so hypnotically polite with his request, I was compelled.”
Larry1950
Guest
Well Dane, I realise there's a touch of humour in your post but my preference would be to give Cam Smith a fair bit of say in what happens across the NRL despite the haters who object to his game management for the Storm , Qld and Kangaroos. Seems to be a fairly intelligent, SOBER, family orientated individual. The other option is to go down the track of those scribes who suggest we keep giving chances to partner bashers, drunken yob players, positive drug tested players, simulating dog-ro*ters, semi-literate sideline commentators, self interested club ceo's and the like who've made our game so great. John Grant, a person with playing credentials, was a bit too educated and businesslike for them. Thank God the AFL has Sam Newman to make our game look a bit better, but I'd be first to tune in to a footy show hosted by someone like Smith instead of that embarrassing head-wobbling read head who should have punched his time clock years ago. As a card carrying maroon, Vautin has become a laughing stock with his 1990's style humour and outlook.
Beergardener
Roar Pro
Great, another Slater fan boy. It's a conspiracy he wasn't selected, it's not at all cos he is old...
Matt H
Roar Guru
Smith reminds me of that guy at the pub. The one you play pool against and you just know that somehow as he slides innocuously around the table that his balls are disappearing discretely into the pockets, but no matter how hard you try you just never catch him at it. His next trick is to have a quiet chat to the Rugby Union fraternity and without even realizing it they will be playing 13 a side and getting rid of those pesky set pieces and contests for possession.
Matt H
Roar Guru
At the very least we know Smith would gamble no other way but 'responsibly'.
Craig
Guest
I think it's a fair stretch to say people don't like Smith. I think he's quite well liked. He's well spoken, his speech after the g.f as an example. He's one of the most highly respected people in the game.
Alexander Clough
Roar Pro
Got to make it a contest.
kk
Roar Pro
Do you mean that Cam is going to take Rugby League to Berlin?
Remo Shankar
Roar Pro
...and I'm not joking...
Remo Shankar
Roar Pro
That's interesting. With his smooth, silky skills, I've always seen him transitioning into cabaret.
Albo
Guest
Imagine the great man straddling the Mastercraft Sauce bottles at the southern end of CC Stadium !
AGordon
Guest
Smith currently referees the games he plays in. Will he take on the role of referring all games, each round? Save a heap of money on full time refs, touchies, the Bunker, etc because he's never wrong, just ask him?
Wild Eagle
Guest
Some dictatorships are good. Singapore was a poor back water but has thrived under a "dictator". Bozo has a touch of dictator about him they say and he is another good one. ( according to me ) Cam Smith could control the NRL one day and if he can get a team to play out of Gosford I will put him in the rarest of creatures category , a good dictator.
mushi
Guest
Those fake news phoneys and their salary cap!
mushi
Guest
That may just be the paradox which tears rugby league apart. Cameron Smith doesn’t gamble he’s a super computer working on complex probability assessments. Will the concept of gambling cause him to short circuit and melt down? What would rugby league have then at the helm? A incapacitated empty shell of a figure head that promised so much but delivered so little… Don’t we already have one John Grant?
BigJ
Roar Guru
Ill help select the teams
Chop
Roar Guru
When have you seen Cam Smith negotiating? He's just telling people what he wants to happen, he's the NRL's Donald Trump.....
Dane Eldridge
Expert
I'm still backing him to rule the game from the high seas
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Max, I always appreciate your CC-based mail. Greatly excited by Cam the Redeemer and how stunning his outstretched hairy arms will appear against the backdrop of Brisbane Water.
kk
Roar Pro
Psst! Dane. Why are you holding back on the best part. Is it because you are a Central Coaster and want to please the great Cameron Smith and perhaps gain a position as his right hand man. The Drum is strong that HE is forming a new Rugby League Club with its homebase at Gosford. The club will be named 'The Grisly Bears' motto Ursa Ursa. Cam has been granted special powers to sign up (conscript) any group of 30 players currently registered with the NRL. In appreciation a grateful Gosford/ Wyong council will erect a 'Cam the Redeemer' statue, the base of which will require the removal of four palm trees to the east of the scoreboard. Hearing of this, an egotistical guy named Jarryd has offered his services for nothing. Next Saturday will be a sell out, as will all future games thanks to the great Cam Smith.
Jacko
Guest
Nah...He is off sailing...He found a big boat in his backyard in a paper bag a few years back and has been wondering what to do with it.