BREAKING: Jarryd Hayne named captain-coach of Gold Coast Titans

21st August, 2017

The world of rugby league is in shock after reports confirmed Jarryd Hayne is set to take an unprecedented role at the Gold Coast Titans.

Soon after the news broke that Neil Henry had been sacked by the club, Twitter was awash with rumours over who his replacement would be.

While names like Kevin Walters and Brian Smith were thrown around, it was revealed by Titans CEO Graham Annesley that Jarryd Hayne would be stepping up into the role as ‘captain-coach’.

“The board came to the conclusion that Jarryd would be the best way forward for the club after he threatened to leave if we didn’t give him what he wanted,” Annesley said.

“He’s always got the best interests of the club at heart.”

Hayne, for his part, is thrilled for this new chapter of his career.

“It’s been my lifelong dream to be captain-coach of an embattled NRL expansion team ever since I was a little kid,” Hayne told the media.

“It’s not about the money or the status or the accolades, what it’s really about is the thing that’s most precious to me – building my brand.

“I really think this will open up a whole new range of merchandising options, and isn’t that really what sport’s all about?”

According to the players, the first training session went off smoothly, having been put through their paces with a number of new drills to help them adapt to Hayne’s style of play.

These include: throwing ill-timed and wildly unrealistic passes, running sideways for as long as possible and mandatory ‘Hayne Plane’ celebrations for all tries.

Editor’s note: Yes, in case you didn’t realise, this is a satire piece and is not meant to be taken seriously.

The Crowd Says:

2017-08-26T06:42:56+00:00

jonnyacidseed

Roar Rookie

Love your work Riordan - especially the early stuff!

2017-08-26T06:39:34+00:00

jonnyacidseed

Roar Rookie

Er, yeah Ben. Read the disclaimer at the bottom dude!

2017-08-23T04:07:13+00:00

Mad Magpie Rob

Guest

At least now Wests Tigers are no longer the club with the worst administration. Doggies were on top with the whole salary cap thing, but Titans have just blown them away.

2017-08-23T01:45:04+00:00

matth

Guest

Won't someone please Remember the Titans?

2017-08-22T11:07:18+00:00

Milli vanilli don't blame it on the hayne

Guest

Hayne is a super star if you know your league and look at your stats then you would never bag the bloke ,they only talk bout the good ones super star all the way as milli vanilli said (don't blame it on the hayne)

2017-08-22T01:28:59+00:00

Andy James

Guest

Absolutely disgusted - I could understand if someone like Jonathan Thurston- who is the best. Good luck titans because u r going to need it.

2017-08-22T00:59:43+00:00

IKnowEverything

Guest

Hmmmmm - April Fools Day in August!

2017-08-21T23:21:05+00:00

Rellum

Roar Guru

If he buys into it. sure. Not sure he is really that into league to buy into any game plan.

2017-08-21T23:13:54+00:00

Nat

Roar Guru

I think that would have to be a prerequisite for the next coach. Who would take the job knowing there is a 2nd rate player they cannot touch. Otherwise I like what the Walker Bros could bring. Do you think Hayne could fit into their game plan? Maybe if he was 5kg lighter.

2017-08-21T22:49:11+00:00

Roger F

Guest

You got to be ? joking

2017-08-21T22:12:21+00:00

Birdy

Guest

Plus all in-flight movies are prescreened at the local high school.

2017-08-21T13:52:20+00:00

Barry

Guest

Can you imagine the post game interviews lol ( they did'nt do what i said lol).