Are you a rugby league journo looking to spend more time fossicking through dumpsters?
Then this easy-to-use template will take care of that pesky job of reporting on actual matches, thus freeing you to research the game’s more pertinent issues. Just fill the gaps and file.
[X] overcomes [Y] and [miscellaneous controversy] to secure valuable win
The [insert club here] have defeated the [insert opposition here] in a pulsating thriller, with [topical player] delivering a standout performance despite the explosive revelation he once enjoyed consensual sex.
In an epic encounter before a sell-out crowd that the NRL needs to address because it wasn’t big enough, the home side prevailed thanks to three tries from [other troubled star].
The hat-trick capped a stunning redemption for [troubled star], who yesterday had his character besmirched by us tabloids but has now exorcised his demons because, y’know, footy.
He was ably assisted by another five-star performance from [insert rookie here], the man who can barely shave but we’re still nominating to solve all of the world’s problems right now.
Selectors must obey the tabloid’s orders and select [rookie] in the next rep fixture so we can acutely increase focus on his fledgling game before slamming him the moment he blunders.
In the middle, the battle of the forwards was one to remember.
Well, that’s what others said anyway. We were too busy trawling Twitter for insensitive comments from players.
While both packs toiled tirelessly to lay a platform for their outside men, it wasn’t enough to prevent the AFL’s unstoppable takeover of Western Sydney.
The tight affair was blown open in the 65th minute when [winning team] scored in the corner, which incidentally was before a handful of empty seats left by an absent family because the NRL hates fans and won’t reduce the cost of attending the footy.
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The game was further marred by controversy when it was revealed there was a late decision to include referees.
In another black eye for the game, officials blew a mildly asymmetrical penalty count because one side transgressed more than the other.
It again begs the question: when is the NRL going to wake up and realise penalty counts should not be a representation of how often each team broke the rules?
The fans deserve better.
Until the tabloids receive an answer, we won’t be buying another ticket to a rugby league match, despite not paying for entry since 1923.
In the end, [winning team] was able to overcome the refereeing blunder to secure a sensational win with a late try.
Fans were abuzz at the final siren, describing the match as a wonderful advertisement for the game. In light of this, Todd Greenberg should be immediately stood down.
Following the match, [losing coach] denied his tired team was underprepared. But his denial was immaterial because our source said otherwise. So the coach lied.
Despite his team’s fabulous effort in a losing cause, he is sure to endure a week of speculation over his job because he’s not a friend of any of this tabloid’s journalists.
Next round, [the winners] will meet the high-flying [insert non-Sydney club we don’t respect] in a tantalising fixture which this tabloid will overshadow with the trivial administrative dramas of a lowly Sydney club.
We promise the finest wall-to-wall coverage, right up until a former Blues great provides his opinion on next year’s Origin series.
steveng
Roar Rookie
About me, come off it, I come from a European family mate and I've always kissed my father and mother and family members but, not on the lips and as a pash!!! Its more about you and what you are and stand for, as I'm not and never ever will support SSM and I've voted NO!!!
Matt P
Roar Rookie
How is he taking it too far? I think that statement says more about you than anything else.
Larry1950
Guest
I think he's making a personalstatement while taking the piss, nothing more sinister. Move on folks, nothing to see here!
steveng
Roar Rookie
Never mind the NRL jurnos, have a look at Joey and this. I don’t know what’s happening with Andrew Johns in this article but, this photo of him is ridiculous and downright ugly. Sure there is a push for this SSM thing but these celebs and sports people like Joey are taking it too far!!! Have a look at this pic of Joey; http://www.msn.com/en-au/news/australia/andrew-johns-shares-support-for-marriage-equality-in-instagram-post/ar-AAs67Sj?li=AAavLaF&ocid=spartanntp
spruce moose
Guest
Funny read Dane, But you did forget to put in the bit "while the media is out to smear Hayne's - sorry, troubled star's - name, what people don't see is the hard work he's putting in behind the scenes that goes unnoticed, and the genuine anguish he's feeling about the situation."
spruce moose
Guest
@noip Umm, the channel that broadcasts all 8 games, has a dedicated channel, significantly more punditry, analysis and non-Broncos telecasts and paid more than Channel 9 in the package is in every possible measure, the main broadcaster. Channel 9 are the main broadcaster in Brisbane. PayTV would be a waste of money there when you get the Friday night Broncos on Channel 9 each week.
RM
Guest
Yeah I had the same thought. Whatever small chance the Broncos had of springing an upset might have just vanished as soon as Weidler published that article. Remember how Qld team rallied around Smith at the height of the 60 Minutes controversy and absolutely buried NSW with a 50 point thrashing? Broncos might be in for a long night...
Duncan Smith
Guest
Good job, Dane. You should release a book.
Duncan Smith
Guest
Well said, Womblat.
no one in particular
Roar Guru
Thee's 2 people that didn't read websters article. Looks like that saw the names Smith and weidler and blindly took sides
no one in particular
Roar Guru
Umm, no. The channel that goes to 30% of homes isn't close to a main broadcaster.
Con Scortis
Roar Guru
Hey Dane, I have a lot of dirt on your colleagues at the Roar, but I will only reveal the info if you agree to me being an "unnamed source", as I don't want to be sued for defamation. For example, I heard that Tim Gore drinks Lady Gray Tea, which even Twinings says in their marketing material was originally designed for soft, delicate ladies who can't handle a strong brew. Tim will do anything to keep this information under wraps. I also know for a fact that when Robert Burgin replaces the bikkies in the Roar lunchroom, he buys generic ones but pretends that they're real Tim Tams. Finally, I have it on good authority that when Mary was little she had a massive crush on former Parra halfback, Tim Smith, and had his photo plastered on her lunchbox.
Matt P
Roar Rookie
Smith was being interviewed. What does an interview entail?
Emcie
Roar Guru
You could argue that having 24hr league content makes fox the main broadcaster... Anyway, I'm sure Wiedlers happy he's found someone that agrees with him
Emcie
Roar Guru
Smith talked about them all, Weidler decided to specifically dwell on the McKinnon inccident. Clickbait for the win
no one in particular
Roar Guru
The main broadcaster should be invited. Just the usual pettiness from Fox
no one in particular
Roar Guru
So Smith raised it. Not Weidler, not Webster, but Smith
Matt P
Roar Rookie
The interview with Andrew Webster involved the controversies that "tarnish" his career. Obviously if they were all mentioned in his article, they were brought up as a topic for discussion.
Womblat
Guest
That's actually a great point. You watch Melbourne close up shop, come together like a wolfpack around their prized Captain, and play the house down for him. They'll be hard to stop now. The Broncos will be THRILLED. Hang on... maybe that was the object...?
Womblat
Guest
No way dude. His angry staredown would put me in the ICU. Never known a more despised journalist among players.