Jargon and corporate speak do my head in. In the media, in the workplace and in life itself. I cringe when people spit out inane catchphrases and hyperbole.
A friend of mine shares my frustration and we have begun compiling a list of all the nonsense we are bombarded with on a daily basis. It has started to take on something of a substantial shape, as the list grows longer and longer.
So sick we are of being asked to ‘diarise’ material, of management ‘flagging’ things with us and encouraging ‘blue sky thinking’ to solve workplace issues.
Apparently I also practise the art of having lunch ‘aldesko’, which sounds so exotic, yet is merely a sad indictment on the realities of the modern day office worker.
As with many sporting endeavours, football reflects life. Both in the beautiful metaphor it presents as an educative lesson, but also as something of a microcosm of broader society.
In this sense, football too has become laced with a variety of oral ‘standards’ that appear in both the professional and amateur game.
To the untrained ear, they probably sound a little strange yet for the majority of us immersed in football throughout much or all of the year, they seamlessly slip into our vocabulary and weave their way through our football conversations.
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They are words and phrases that could be replaced, potentially, by more effective language choices yet they never will be. They are part of football and our kids are hearing them at local parks and in the media early enough, that they too, will eventually adopt the phraseology.
#1 Between the lines
I grilled my daughter on this one; a two-year football veteran whose team isn’t at a level for this word to mean anything to her.
Her interpretation had more to do with the painted lines on the surface of the pitch than any concept of a player stepping into the vacant space between defensive structures.
On reflection, it seems odd that we use a rigid and precise concept in what is such a fluid game. Sure, the back four will be aligned at times yet ahead of them lies a constant flux that is more like a series of ever expanding and contracting triangles than a straight line.
#2 Ball watching
I am not sure Robbie Slater can make it through a day without a reference to this one.
Every now and again at home, I will cite the reason for a goal, pause the coverage and indicate the player in question, illustrating the exact moment when he switched off defensive duty.
My wife is constantly fascinated by the entire exercise, mystified as to how ‘watching the ball’ can be such a fatal error in a game where the sphere is essentially the only piece of equipment required to participate.
As cliché as the term is, it is a fascinating conundrum for coaches dealing with young kids and trying to teach appropriate decision making in defence.
(Photo by Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)
#3 The front third
I will curse the day football ever introduces a broken, faded line on the pitch to indicate this area.
As many other sports have experienced, there is something of a statistical obsession with scoring position or ‘the red zone’ as the Americans so cheesily label it.
Ned Zelic is the master of this one and combines it well with ‘wide areas’ when discussing attacking play.
In essence, it is so simple. Get the ball forward and use width to create space on the flanks. My favourite footballing word: width.
#4 Brace
I don’t like this one at all, although I guess it is a little better than a commentator interviewing a player after scoring two goals and saying, ‘wow, you scored so many goals today that we had to separate them with a comma and place them in parentheses’.
#5 Well in
Used to commend a player for committing to a challenge and timing their assault on the ball well, this one is a vivid memory for me as a kid.
I can still remember hearing it shouted out from the sideline and thinking the manager was referring to our centre back named ‘Walid’.
I kid you not. Good player Walid; scored a brace once.
#6 Worldie
This one is particularly apt for Australian football in its constant battle for acceptance on the world stage. Sadly, we seem to spend more time trying to gain that acceptance from people within our own country rather than those beyond our shores.
Another fun one to try out on the kids before they understand what it means. I’ll never forget the day ‘Timmy with a Worldie’ echoed through the house; sounds more like the title of a Wiggles song.
#7 Hit
Last but not least, the universal synonym for kick has taken on a life of its own. Whether it be ‘hit it’, a ‘great hit’ or ‘what a hit’, you aren’t a real football fan until you completely ditch the archaic notion of kicking and start ‘hitting’ things all over the park.
I am sure there are many more clichéd examples of jargon from within the footballing world; the words that form the sound of the game and the specific little language that we share.
I’m wondering if football-speak crosses all languages or whether each dialect contains a unique set of phrases and terms.
I’m sure there would be some cross-over yet without the skill to express my ideas in anything other than English, I can’t quite put my finger on the German word for ‘worldie’ or the Russian term for ‘ball watching’.
Happy New Year everyone.
Paul
Guest
Kris...yes H.C had his center half drop back true. He'd assist in defence , but was still a half. I played a similar role, helping out in defence as well as playing in behind the center forward. You'd run all day. He ( Chapman ) also employed a sweeper. As well as that , one of the inside forwards would drop back. The first changes employed in australian football from my memory was to use a sweeper. Things in the clubs hung onto the 2-3-5 formation up until ( pardon the term ) modern times. I don't really think we were gifted with too many tactitioners back then.
Paul
Guest
With 50 plus years of involvement with the game in australia, a center half was a center half...not a full back.
Leonard
Guest
Doubly ironic - or trebly? References that 'old saying' about "avoiding cliches like the plague".
Kris
Guest
Ironically ... an article deploring the jargon and phrases used in modern sport is itself a tried and tested trope that itself qualifies as a cliche.
Tom English
Roar Guru
F3 Derby is pretty average sounding- but then, I guess so is the "Original Derby" and the "Distance Derby"
Leonard
Guest
About "commentators (not just football) clearly do not understand the definition": doesn't it partly depend on what is meant by 'definition'? Dictionary 'definitions' change over time, and not always for the better, as clearly and sadly shown by the way that (some nescient^ people, and some unprofessionally ignorant journos) have been using 'reticent / reticence' as if it meant the same as 'reluctant / reluctance' - with the result that 'reticence' has lost its sharpness. The same has happened with 'issue', where every problem, hindrance, difficulty, holdup, delay, irritation et-effing-cetera gets lumped into stupid nonsense such as 'addressing the issue'. (Great for our dumb / dumber / dumbest politicians - they (or their parasitic minders) don't have to think of just the right word.) We in the Anglosphere, fortunately, don't have a useless bunch of (overpaid, as usual) bureaucrats like the Academie Française telling French people how to use (or more often, how not to use) the words in their language. So our dictionaries are better seen as describing how words are used, rather than prescribing how they should be. Back to ‘ironic’: Wiktionary has the traditional meaning, plus this extra bit: “Some writers complain about an overuse of the word ironic to extend to situations which are remarkable for reasons other than irony - perhaps just coincidental or merely odd”, though the Wikipedia ‘irony’ entry notes that “the more general casual usage of a contradiction between circumstance and expectation originates in the 1640s”. Just have to put up with it, or rage silently against such ignorance. ^ ‘nescient’ - a way of not insulting ordinary folk who are ignorant of language niceties because of the ignorance of their teachers. Sad that some of these fake-teachers even boast about that dumbness.
BA Sports
Guest
Not a cliche but if we are putting in our request for words we would like commentators to stop using, it is the word "ironically", since 99.9% of commentators (not just football) clearly do not understand the definition. When the scoreline is the same in match between two teams as it was the last time they played, or if a player scores in the same minute in consecutive matches, that isn't irony, it is coincidence. One would think, this was easy to understand for people who speak for a living.
Waz
Guest
It’s about now jb should step in and recommend reading the book “inverting the pyramid” which explains why a Center half cane about ...
Kangajets
Guest
David basheer from sbs
Grobbelaar
Roar Guru
I have to admit, none of those cliches would keep me awake at night, if these are the very worst examples, then our current commentating is doing ok. For example, intuitively, we know what they mean when they say someone is getting between the lines, and whether it's an accurate description or not, it invariably means that he's finding plenty of space and his team mates are looking for him with some success. One thing I dislike is, after any altercation, Andy Harper used to say something like: it's just handbags at seven paces. Let's not forget the grief the SBS commentator used to get (sorry, got a mental blank on his name), for keeping the commentating down to the bare minimum words, which personally, never worried me.
Griffo
Roar Guru
I'd also add all the business speak from FFA - 'the brand' when talking about the league, national teams, 'metrics', etc.. Maybe not one for this article but would be worth a notebook ;-)
Griffo
Roar Guru
My personal unfavourite is the 'go-ahead goal'...so glad that hasn't quiet caught in from the MLS.
Griffo
Roar Guru
I found this one was over used in the Championship and lower grades. It just grates for some reason...as if it explains all the failings of the game they just lost...
Griffo
Roar Guru
There's a classic Youtube clip of Harperisms...it's hilarious. I guess he's keeping a lid on it these days ;-)
Mach
Guest
"We go again" - After a loss or draw. Of course you go again. That's what happens after a match. No need for it.
Simoc
Guest
Excellent
Lionheart
Guest
you should be Petratoe that would be the plural I guess
Onside
Guest
If Devonport (not Hobart) we'd have that, Darwin Devonport Distance Derby Dammit
Martyn50
Roar Rookie
Is the cliche thing just Australian? Happens in all Aussie sports, not just soccer.
Kangajets
Guest
Yep lionheart Having trouble using the kangajets or petratos sometimes. Think I’ve a technical problem. Same happened yesterday too