Origin 1 teams analysed

Looking for an in-depth examination of the combatants in the upcoming State of Origin clash?

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New South Wales

James Tedesco
Although struggling for form early in the season, the Roosters custodian has regained his mojo ever since discovering the benefits of hot-stone massage.

Playing the entire game with 12 hot stones stitched into his jersey, Queensland will have their hands full with the newly relaxed Tedesco.

Josh Addo-Carr
NSW coach Brad Fittler has selected Addo-Carr in the hope that his double-barrelled surname will convince the Queensland defence that he is two different people.

Will Fittler’s plan to trick defenders into chasing Addo, while Carr sneaks off down the touchline, pay off? It just might.

Latrell Mitchell
Mitchell brings a crucial point of difference to the Blues backline, as he is the only centre in the NRL with false teeth.

James Roberts
Roberts’s nickname, ‘Jimmy from Jet’, derives from his time playing bass for popular retro-rock quartet Jet. The natural sense of rhythm he brought to that job is evident in his play, as he is regularly seen to lay down a steady groove for his teammates to follow.

James Roberts (AAP Image/Dave Hunt)

Tom Trbojevic
Trbojevic will make history on Wednesday night as the youngest man to play for New South Wales, at the age of 11. The Blues intend to play on the Maroons’ natural sympathy for children to create gaps for Trbojevic to shoot through.

James Maloney
Maloney’s greatest strength is his ability to see several plays ahead. His greatest weakness is his inability to see what is happening in the present moment. Thus he frequently kicks on the first or second tackle, and often dives over the line for a try, only to be told it’s the halfway line.

Queensland may exploit this tendency by running at Maloney while he still thinks he has the ball.

Nathan Cleary
Cleary bears a heavy responsibility in this game, as he is not only the Blues’ halfback, but is also in charge of organising the team’s trivia night fundraiser.

He has a strong kicking game, but may be distracted by the array of new facts that he has learnt this week.

David Klemmer
The giant Bulldog is expected to prove a handful for the Queensland pack, especially as he has been given special dispensation to wear his spiked helmet on the field.

Once he starts running with his head down, it’s bad news for tacklers.

AAP Image/Mick Tsikas

Damian Cook
Cook has been chosen for his incredible speed off the mark. At the Rabbitohs, he is noted for running the 100 metres in less than four seconds. Occasionally his legs burst into flames due to the friction between them and the air. This will make him even more difficult to tackle.

Reagan Campbell-Gillard
The burly Penrith prop has publicly stated his intention to “make those Maroons look real pretty”. Nobody knows what he means by this.

Boyd Cordner
Some people thought the NSW captain would lose his place in the team this year, with Phil Gould claiming his game had “stagnated”. The doubters didn’t reckon with one fact: Cordner took the jumpers home to wash after Game 3 last year, and they’re still at his house, meaning he had to be picked or the team would have no uniform.

NSW Blues captain Boyd Cordner (AAP Image/Dan Peled)

Tyson Frizell
Frizell has been one of the Dragons’ most consistent performers ever since he arrived, embedded in a fragment of meteorite. His radioactivity and extreme heat to the touch are his greatest assets.

Jack de Belin
Jack is the grandson of Australian rugby league great Fred de Belin. He therefore takes his place in this team as a legacy, despite his slight frame and constant coughing fits.

Doubts persist over his ability to play out the game, though the man himself claims his walking stick will be an advantage, not a hindrance.

Paul Vaughan
Will be expected to come off the bench late in the first half to clean up any cups or chip packets the other players have left on the ground.

Jake Trbojevic
Just as his brother Tom is renowned for his running game, Jake’s forte is his enchanted hammer. When the Queensland forwards get tired, the hammer will play a crucial role.

Angus Crichton
Crichton is a fictional character first encountered in Charles Dickens’s The Pickwick Papers. A haughty butler with a shameful secret, Crichton’s role in the plot will become ever more apparent as Raoul’s desperation grows.

Tyrone Peachey
Cloned from the femur of a fossilised sabre-toothed tiger, Peachey’s ferocity is matched only by his vertical leap.

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Queensland

Billy Slater
Without his long-time teammates Johnathan Thurston, Cameron Smith and Cooper Cronk, Slater will no doubt be lonely and bitter, and spend most of the game sobbing quietly to himself.

His desolation will cause us all to ponder our own mortality.

Valentine Holmes
Holmes’ blistering speed saw him score a record six tries in last year’s World Cup semi-final. Queensland coach Kevin Walters has warned him he cannot rest on those laurels, and if Holmes scores fewer than eight tries in Origin 1, he will be dropped.

Greg Inglis
Inglis has been named captain because of his strongly authoritarian political ideology. His one weakness as a player is that he has no ankles.

AAP Image/Dave Hunt

Will Chambers
Whenever the coach calls Will’s name at training, he calls out, “Will Chambers do what?” Everyone has a good laugh.

Despite this, some consider Chambers a liability due to his haemophilia.

Dane Gagai
A solid performer for the Maroons in previous years, Gagai has taken his game to a new level in 2018 by having both his hands surgically transformed into enormous lobster claws.

It makes him pretty hard to tackle, and the NSW left edge will have its hands full.

Cameron Munster
Cameron ‘Lily’ Munster is noted for his deft footwork, clever passing, and accurate spitting. All of these will need to be on display if Queensland is to win.

Ben Hunt
Ben ‘Michael’ Hunt is noted for his clever footwork, deft passing, and delicious curries. Queensland plan to use him in short bursts, and keep him in an underground freezer for the bulk of game time.

Dylan Napa
Napa is a colossal presence in the Maroon engine room. His great height allows him to see much further than most players, so the defence is unable to sneak up on him.

His loud warning calls when tacklers are near, allowing his teammates to flee, are integral to the gameplan.

Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images

Andrew McCullough
The Bronco has big shoes to fill, taking the place of Queensland legend Cam Smith. He will prove to be sadly inadequate for the role, and will end the night in ignominy and disgrace.

Jarrod Wallace
Wallace first made his name as a biochemist, and will be looking to prove that research into the hydrogen bonds between nitrogenous bases of nucleic acids is not the only string to his bow.

Gavin Cooper
Cooper’s availability for the game is still in doubt after his recent conversion to an obscure sect of Mormonism that forbids working on Wednesdays.

Felise Kaufusi
In the last couple of years Kaufusi’s play for the Melbourne Storm has gone to a new level. Some attribute this to a more positive attitude to training. Some attribute it to his crippling addiction to Swisse vitamins. Either way, it’s working!

Josh McGuire
McGuire has been quite open about his intention to use this year’s Origin series to promote his new Jim’s Finance franchise. His competitive interest rates on personal loans will be displayed on his shorts.

Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

Michael Morgan
Morgan is the sort of invaluable player who can slot in literally anywhere. On this occasion, he will be slotting in at Gunnerson’s Sk8 World in Bexley, and will miss the game completely.

Coen Hess
The name ‘Coen Hess’ has become synonymous with post-Hegelian idealism, and Walters will be hoping his extensive lectures on the seductive nature of Gentile’s reflections on free agency and the limitations of Kantian aesthetics can punch some holes in the Blues’ usually epistemologically watertight middle defence.

Josh Papalii
Papalii’s selection surprised some, especially those who were informed of it by a loud and obnoxious neighbour screaming it through an open window at 5am.

Papalii has hit top-form in recent weeks and has somewhat cryptically announced that at some point during the game he will “light the fuse on the sausage-cracker”.

Jai Arrow
Nothing is known about this person and violent repercussions have been threatened against anyone attempting to find out.

NSW collective score: 15

Qld collective score: angina