Des Hasler and Michael Maguire may never work in this town again, unless we need to obliterate the Kiwis or a club’s payroll.
Their misappropriation of Damien Cook over the years has shaken Australia so deeply that some have even compared him to a plastic bag.
As the postscript of South Sydney’s stirring win over Melbourne attested, really important stuff like unfair comparisons and Supercoach points have gone begging while these twisted patriarchs consigned him to the cold basement of reggies.
What was their motive? Was it a conspiracy? Does Cook’s resemblance to the Anonymous logo – the decentralised hacking group that has nothing to do with rugby league except maybe Billy Slater’s Wally Lewis Medal – mean anything?
Hindsight shows his yearly suppression was society being forcibly fed the blue pill, with it locking us in the simulated reality of a Cook-free matrix where we’d be starry-eyed over mortals like Michael Ennis.
Thankfully an unlikely saviour in the form of Anthony ‘Morpheus’ Seibold arrived to save the world. Even more heroically, it’s on a cheap rookie wage and to the cost of nobody except Russell Crowe.
Seibold liberated Cook, thus freeing us of the enslaved existence of the machines and opening the world’s eyes to blissful sensory experiences never before felt, like the demolition of Cameron Smith.
(AAP Image/Richard Wainwright)
Cook’s showing on Friday night was another endorsement for Hasler’s and Maguire’s decisions to be inducted in the Guild of Foolish Verdicts alongside seven tackle restarts and Vegemite 2.0.
In a human of the century performance, the Rabbits rake enjoyed 178 metres of clean heels, 40 of which left us reaching for a replay and a post-coital Winnie Blue.
Moments after extricating himself from under Nelson Asofa Solomona, Cook scorched Melbourne’s stingy middle for one of those tries that will live long in our viral memories, maybe even until next week.
It was a scintillating highlight that further consolidated him in the same class as Sam Burgess and Cody Walker – as in so damn valuable it’s criminal they play for Souths.
But once the euphoria died down attention turned to Hasler and Maguire and what they were smoking.
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They were widely criticised for depriving us of this before, with many lamenting Cook’s geriatric age of 27 and all the opportunities missed over the years to be reminded he was a beach sprinter.
But in defence of both, it must be difficult as a football coach to identify talent when it’s your job. I can only assume both were preoccupied reading more literature on the flat earth theory.
To be fair, the former Dogs coach may have allowed Cook to depart in favour of Michael Lichaa, at least it wasn’t for Braith Anasta or a Juniper.
As for Maguire, it’s fair to say Cook simply didn’t suit his game style. Unfortunately the Dally M hooker-in-waiting doesn’t mesh with a strategy that was producing the voltage of a sunken log.
In saying this, the pair should still be made to suffer like the rest of us. This could be achieved by forcing them to review old matches and think about their mistakes. The last year of their tenures should be punishment enough.
As for restorative action, it is a must.
Does anyone know an attorney who could test the statute of limitations on dummy-half probing?
Ginger Meggs
Guest
Maguire and Hasler both individuals with very rigid mind-sets, Hasler also burdened with a fetish for back-ended contracts. Farah was contracted as much for his game management and much needed leadership of the rudderless Rabbitohs as for his attacking skills. He didn’t fire because he wasn’t put in charge. It would have been much more effective if they had paid Maguire off and made Farah captain/coach. Maguire big example of talent blindness was keeping Cody Walker at North’s for a whole season where, after a late start, he took the Bears from last place to a NSW Cup grand final and had Joel Reddy galloping down the field off his passes like Reg Gasnier. This while Souths were pulling John Sutton back out of the forwards into five-eight to cover injuries. But Madge is forgiven his trespasses and more for getting that 43 year monkey off our back. Amen.
steveng
Roar Rookie
Cook was the best thing that the Dogs had in 2016, I was flabbergasted that Des let him go then I saw him in a Bunnies jumper. Can't believe that Des let him go but, he came to the Bunnies when Madge was filled with hookers (just like Charlie Sheen was lol great one Con) but, it wasn't rocket science for Seibold to realise that Farah wasn't the answer and Cook was, which Madge didn't and that is one of the reasons why Madge got the boot. All in all its been a bit of a journey for Cook but he's made it. what an outstanding game against the Storm Cook had and as I said, he left Smith looking 'old stock' on Friday, just like the Bunnies will when they win the GF. Go the Bunnies!!!
Daveski
Guest
Sheesh, Aaron and Billy must've had real ordinary weekends. Or maybe they're just always such narks.....
Dane Eldridge
Expert
“Informed”? “Intelligent”? “Lower grades”? C’mon Billy, you know I’m not the go-to for research and logic! Will work on the funny for you though. Thanks for reading too
ReggieRabbitoh
Guest
Either way you lack intelligence and humour.
BillyBoy
Guest
You're surprised? This is par for the course. It is like a Rothfield article. Trying to sound funny and intelligent but clearly never watched Cook extensively in lower grades so it is ill-informed.
Aaron
Guest
Not sure if this article is meant to be funny or insightful. Either way it failed.
JOHNY BULLDOG
Roar Rookie
Brilliant Con ?
souvalis
Roar Rookie
Cook is not only the best hooker in the NRL,hes probably the most dangerous attacking player...yet,it was only a fortnight ago that Robbies Tigers whipped them good,and the Eels had them down and (almost) out...flabbergasted that Belly didnt have anything credible to trip him and Walker up as Coach Cleary did...its tough when youve got Sam Burgess destroying your entire forward pack though..
Con Scortis
Roar Guru
In his 6 years at Souths, Madge worked his way through as many hookers as Charlie Sheen. Nathan Peats Api Koroisau Isaac Luke Cam McInnes Robbie Farah Damien Cook
kk
Guest
As a matter of interest SF what is Damien worth $$$ on an open market?
stevesyd
Roar Rookie
Could be but I suspect the roosters fall short in their forwards and will fall 1 short of making the GF if they have to play Souths or Storm the week before. If Smith is gone then my pick for the GF will be Souths v Sharks
stevesyd
Roar Rookie
The quality Cooky displayed in the last 5 games of 2016 after fully recovering from 4 concussions during that season confirmed his ability and looked the obvious 1st choice coming into 2017. I couldn't wait. That was backed up and confirmed in his MOM performance in the 2017 Charity Shield but alas, Madge decides to the dismay of many that one Robbie Farah was the answer to our no 9 position that would take us to great heights last year. Left me dumbfounded and literally disgusted and what followed with Madge's team coaching effort for the season doesn't require further input. Cooky had to endure a season as 2nd choice hooker mostly off the bench and little game time and thanked my lucky stars I didn't wake up one day to the news that he was seeking a release where no doubt any astute coach would have jumped on it. Thank you Cooky for persevering and sticking by this great club which in 2018 you play an integral role toward the very strong likelihood of delivering another premiership within 4 years of the last. Thank you Madge for delivering us a premiership in 2014 but something went amiss with you after that and I suspect that 2018 would have been more of the same if not for your overdue departure.
E-Meter
Guest
Cook is the best hooker in the game right now. He makes Smith look like an old wrestling hacker.
kk
Guest
Brilliant run Dane. Re reads a must. Cook's voyage of discovery. Helensburgh - Penrith - St George - Canterbury - Souths. Damien should never holiday in Hawaii. Easts v Souths for the big one?
Forty Twenty
Guest
Craig Wing scored a great solo try in his early days at the Bunnies but this one from the Cookie Monster might be even better. In dodgy year for an Eagles fan I'm just glad I haven't got the added burden of watching Maguire and Hasler coached teams run around.