When I am not reading articles on The Roar or the form guide (Fridays and Saturdays), I enjoy the satirical musings of The Betoota Advocate.
Cadet writer Wendell Hussey, dropped one recently titled, “Australia’s Hopes for National Sporting Success Now Pinned on Wallabies”.
I laughed out loud reading the headline, and the following is inspired by Hussey’s fantastic article.
As Hussey’s headline implies, and as a result of Australia’s World Cup semi-final loss to England earlier, the Wallabies are our last chance for any success.
The Federation Cup in November is not considered I assume for the purposes of satire.
Anyway, I digress. If it’s not obvious, I laughed out loud because the Wallabies are at best roughies to win the Rugby World Cup and our ability to laugh at ourselves permits such literature.
However, after the humour subsided, I started to ponder the greater sporting landscape. I nearly fainted! The realisation hit me like a Richard Loe elbow, England will be playing none other than the Kiwis in the final at Lord’s.
Things only compounded when in the same breath I remembered the All Black are odds on to lift the Rugby World Cup later this year.
The horror!
“WTF”, could New Zealand actually simultaneously hold the Cricket and Rugby World Cups? This is usually the domain of Australia. Such has been our past success that even when we don’t have one, we at least have the other.
It took a little while but I composed myself, breathe in, breathe out, slowly. It was almost too much.
“What could be worse?”
“Really?”, I thought to myself.
“England!”
“No, seriously?”
England is also in the Cricket World Cup final. They even have the advantage of home, playing the final at Lord’s, making their chances of victory more probable.
The Rugby World Cup on the other hand, with the wily Eddie Jones at the helm of the Red Roses anything is possible. Their squad won’t be too shabby either, I rate them a better chance than the Wallabies.
The impact of the awareness that England is also a chance to hold both cups, was in stark contrast to a Richard Loe elbow, not immediate. That type of success for the English would be something new, for us as much as them.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad but I came to my senses and a feeling of impending doom.
Now it’s all getting too much. Trump’s the president, China is probably the major power, Brexit, video games are a sport, Mitchell Pearce won an Origin series – and now this!
So, what would be worse, New Zealand or England as world champions in both rugby and cricket?
I admire the sportsmanship the Kiwis exemplify in the way they play cricket. It would be nice to see the nice guys win and they have been a consistently good ODI side.
On the other hand, the All Blacks, oh I hate them so much! They are always naughty, never nice or playing within the rules. Was Richie McCaw ever onside?
The English, I preferred them when they had a South African for a captain. They were more likeable. The Cricket World Cup itself, who gave it to them in the first place? It’s had more rain than a Northern Territory wet season.
Rugby-wise, the last thing the poor Japanese people need to hear is the incessant singing of “Swing low, Sweet chariot”. So, for the sake of the Japanese populace, the sooner they are home the better.
Where does that leave us?
Either nation winning both would be a disaster. I hear enough “primo” and “brilliant” when they talk about our superior weather and lifestyle after migrating here for that same weather and lifestyle.
So, in conclusion, I hope the Kiwis win the CWC. For the Rugby World Cup, I will support the Wallabies and any team playing the All Blacks. Your thoughts?
SandBox
Roar Guru
Had a feeling that if it was originally offensive, that it would be sanitised in the age of PC.
charly_777
Guest
That happens to Brazil in soccer ... it has 2 confederations, the Brazilian soccer team must have a team made up of half the players of each confederation ... they are never the best of that time ... and so on 5 times world champions came out!
FunBus
Roar Rookie
You've just sent a shiver down this Englishman's spine, Mark.
FunBus
Roar Rookie
Yes, Aussies being good at sport is so 'last century' isn't it Basil?
Mark Richmond
Roar Guru
There is a third, and in my view, a preferred alternative. Remember that the ECB stands for the England and WALES Cricket Board. Wales potentially, could now hold both titles, not just England. ;-) Cymru am byth.
charly_777
Guest
Let's not talk about the POLO! there the world hegemony of Argentina is much worse than the d elos AB, s !! Because of the losers, they took the Polo out of the Olympic sport! hahahaah
charly_777
Guest
Argentina was the world champion of softball that more countries play it than Cricket!
charly_777
Guest
Basketball will be for Argentine girls, like soccer and rugby a start from scratch! In rugby the girls approach Brazil, which is the powerful one in South America ... for now ... hahaha
charly_777
Guest
The worst is that the English win the RWC! I will always support any team will be SH over NH !!
Homer gain
Guest
One story I've heard is that it was associated with Chris Oti's days as a flying England winger back in the late 80s. But it was already well-known as a club rugby song in England (complete with very offensive hand gestures) at least in the early 80s and probably long before that.
GiantKenneth
Roar Rookie
England all the way. Naturally.
jeznez
Roar Guru
That’s why I live in HK. You live in WA, right? :D
piru
Roar Rookie
Iocane comes from Australia A country entirely peopled by criminals!
jeznez
Roar Guru
He may be on something, perhaps he's been trying to build up an immunity to iocane powder.
jeznez
Roar Guru
All good Yenda. I wouldn't presume to hazard a guess what most Kiwi's would do. I'm pretty certain that one of my best mates would support England (he has whenever the pair of us have watched an Oz v Pom in any sport). As I said above though, that is just little brother running off to side with Mum. I think of it as him hiding behind Mother England's skirts, sticking out his tongue, putting his thumbs in his ears, waggling his fingers and then going na, na, ni, na, na. He just doesn't get what he calls Aussie cockiness and I call optimism. He's genuinely perplexed that I'm not hiding at home and instead am standing with him in the pub wearing a Wallabies top when the Bledisloe rolls around.
piru
Roar Rookie
the vast majority of Australians would concur with me you keep on using that term I do not think it means what you think it means
piru
Roar Rookie
How many times are you going to make this comment Republican? Show us where the Kiwis hurt you
piru
Roar Rookie
They don't eat chips, particularly not when beached.
piru
Roar Rookie
* Judging by your attitude here I imagine you’re self righteously mistaking contempt for you with contempt for an entire nationality * ……..is’nt that what the entire NZ collective does in regards to this nation, on a daily basis? Jesus, there goes my irony meter - that's another one that's exploded
piru
Roar Rookie
The vast majority of Nz’ers will present diplomatically when face to face but under the surface they are probably bubbling away with utter contempt for Australians truth be told……. 'vast majority of NZ'? Or 'most of the kiwis you've got into arguments with on the internet'? You've already got a skewed sample there, mate