Brisbane’s decision to cut ties with its six-time premiership-winning GOAT coach in favour of a rookie on a deeply-risky five-year multi-million deal has, incredibly, come back to bite them.
But trust the process, Broncos fans – your shameful Titans-like low will be recalled as the most rewarding string of shameful scorelines and media circuses your club has ever endured.
That’s because it will forever serve as a lesson that your club is only functional under the sovereignty of Wayne Bennett and that you should never hire a mortal to do an 800-game demigod’s job.
In millennial terms, Anthony Seibold is a painfully long software update that is incompatible with the Broncos because the club only operates using Bennett, an old charger Paul White discarded under the belief it no longer fit the upgraded model.
The rookie has come under intense fire for a string of embarrassing results including a 59-0 loss to the Roosters, the worst in the club’s 32-year history after surpassing his 58-0 loss to the Eels and the $300,000 loss by Andrew Gee.
Under his guise, the Broncos have transformed from a team that tackled until the final siren to one that tackled until it was puffed, a club school kids dreamed of captaining to one on the verge of conscription.
Experts have suggested a number of factors for the decline, arguing a lack of playmakers and a long-term cultural slide, whereas Matthew Johns believes it’s more a footy-related thing and they don’t have enough barbecues.
However, the real reason the Broncos are broken under Seibold is this: because nothing nice can happen at Red Hill without Bennett there, and regrettable things occur when he’s not.
You don’t need stats to know this; a Bennett administration meant the bad press was rare, the blue-chip recruits were aplenty and the external jealousy flowed like the salmon of Capistrano.
In fact, the entire city of Brisbane was in a better headspace, creating an environment where players could confidently ball-out on-field and headlock nightclub seccies off it, never with a whiff of censure.
But when he left, terrible things occurred. Ivan Henjak. The disappearance of Anthony Milford. The re-election of Katter’s Australian Party. Jack Bird. Craig Bellamy remaining at Melbourne. All things that never happen if he stays.
With all due respect to Seibold, nobody in Brisbane was ever going to respond to calculus and collegiate theorem. This club needs a coach with two things: the keys to the city and intimate knowledge of life growing up in the 1920s.
Unfortunately, when compared to Bennett’s 20+ years at the club, Seibold’s five-year deal is going to feel like a century.
(AAP Image/Dave Hunt)
While the rookie coach’s fast-tracked appointment brought a welcome end to the messy final months of the legend’s last era, his arrival has extinguished the lingering tension and replaced it with unspeakable pain.
Since he has inherited the stagnating deals of Milford, Bird and Darius Boyd, and reasonable questions why he didn’t offer these to Johnathan Thurston, Cameron Smith and Cooper Cronk.
In a bid to appease his oppressors, he offloaded experience in the shape of Andrew McCullough, Kodi Nikorima and Josh McGuire, but all it has stemmed is rubbish on the face and scapegoats.
This saw him forced to appoint Alex Glenn as captain, with the veteran considered the standout candidate after best embodying the club’s culture by being shopped around and having his salary slashed.
Would any of this have occurred on Bennett’s watch? For the purposes of this narrative, I would definitely say no.
So take it from an outsider from Sydney with no idea of the inner workings of the club – Brisbane needs Wayne, and if they’re smart about it, they’ll let him oversee the club on his terms well into his taxidermied 120s.
Kman
Roar Rookie
Brilliant as always Dane!
Rich
Guest
I've noticed that this angle has been developing in the media and quite frankly, I find it mildly insulting. It's an interesting point of view - but extremely wide of the mark. I feel like these people are not Brisbane fans - or if they are, they must have an incredibly short memory. Wayne Bennett has a lot to do with what is happening at the Broncos right now. Not to blame - because in my mind things are utterly obvious and Siebold should have been able to fix it. If you're a Brisbane fan, for the last 4 years, you've been bottling it every time they have to defend a set anywhere close to their line. The team have completely lost the ability to defend. Bennett was presiding over the same absolute mediocrity that you're seeing now, it's just that the game has progressed to absolutely highlight this. Every time they give away a penalty, for the last few years, it's pretty much been either they survive by luck, opponent misplay - or they just let one in. It is incredibly rare to see them defend a set well. If you want evidence that they always had the problems, you only need to look at what the Storm would do to Brisbane every year. Almost every single team has changed in the last 4-5 years. It used to be just the Storm that would completely pants the Broncos on the fringes. Now just about every team uses the same tactics to draw and pass, scoring seemingly at will against them. Now we're seeing the truth that has been there for the whole time. For quite a while, I would base my Brisbane tip on how effective the opponent were on the fringes. It was that simple. Even before that - when Brisbane had Hunt, they were a strange team. A team who used Ben Hunt, with one of the shortest "long" kicks in the game. It was equally as frustrating to watch. They would start their sets with a 20-30m disadvantage. Sure, they defended better - but you'd often struggle to see them ever down the other end because they couldn't make territory to save themselves. It was just as excruciating - because they were still completely susceptible on the fringes. Sure, criticise Siebold. But do not say that Wayne Bennett was needed back there. That is a ridiculous idea and if you were a Brisbane fan with any long term memory, thinking back to every time they've faced the Storm (bar THAT game many years ago), you'd remember that the grass was NOT greener on the other side. No team that gets destroyed (often in the first half) that badly is GOOD. Wayne couldn't fix it and for that reason, his second era cannot be seen as a success. The simple fact is, the game has changed over the last 4 years and Wayne hasn't. What I can't understand is how any of the Broncos can't see the insanely obviously difference between their horrible fringe defending and the myriad examples that you get every single week on how to do it. It does my head in.
Succhi
Roar Rookie
Nice write Dan. The Broncos find themselves in Siliconned Valley - being coned by a player manager to invest in his tech start ups at over priced valuations based on potential - with one out of ten likely to give a return on investment.
kk
Roar Pro
Perfectly put!
The Late News
Roar Rookie
Again Dane...you provide the answers. I guess it's a perspective thingy??
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Good afternoon Kooka. Like you say, Seibold was a pop-up promising the world, and the Broncos immediately provided their credit card details. Maybe delivery is delayed due to coronavirus, or he’s just a box of styrofoam
kk
Roar Pro
Hi Dane, Good to see you on the road again. The Seibold Virus (C4059) appears on the computer screen as a mixture of thirteen maroon an gold spiked circles with four on the side screen and a further thirteen in the box. The well- being of a million or so Broncos fans depends on a cure, real soon. Questions have been asked as to whether or not it is a creatively designed furphy to throw us off the track. After all, Anthony is a qualifies teacher. He did have help from the hallowed halls of Harvard in formulating this/his plan and pioneering software. Beside inviting a visit to the Stewards Room, any team that can improve 0-59 to 18-20 deserves to be seen and heard. We all await the return of the big two, 'F' & 'P'. Anthony may not be Henry Gondorff but he may have conned us again. As for that other teacher/coach. For whom does the Red Hill bell toll? It tolls for Wayne!
Alex Galvin
Guest
wow, you are quite the wordsmith sir.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
TLN, you’ve got me there. I would say unspeakable for Broncos fans but euphoric for others
Dane Eldridge
Expert
No probs Watda. A worthy cause to which I proudly release this line
Scott
Guest
The Titans have never lost 59 to zip so please don't compare us to Brisbane. Long may they suffer and lets hope they keep losing so they are finally off free to air TV.
The Late News
Roar Rookie
Never steal...just borrow.
The Late News
Roar Rookie
Silly question Dane...but if the pain is unspeakable then why all the words? Are the Broncos playing like a Now Showing of a recently deleted Fawlty Towers episode? So many questions...so little time. Like, does vodka kill less brain cells than gin...matters of that import.
Watda
Guest
Excellent article... can I steal a line to use on my ex?...’her arrival extinguishes existing tensions and delivers unspeakable pain’