Nothing epitomises the footy off-season for me more than the sound of leather on willow, the smell of sausages sizzling away on the barbie, and the cacophony of cicadas in the late afternoon – unless of course it’s the sound of keyboard warriors thrashing away in response to another footy code war article on The Roar.
Nothing gets footy fans more engaged, enraged and willing to lash out across the net than a disparaging remark about their particular brand of footy entertainment, whether justified or just downright antagonistic, and that holds true whether they refer to their favoured sport as “the world game”, “the greatest game of all”, “the game they play in heaven” or whatever the AFL equivalent is.
Of course, once the sabres have been drawn and are rattling, these reverential sporting titles are well and truly forgotten and quickly replaced with the likes of “aerial ping pong”, “mungo ball”, “kick and clap” and “dive ball”, all of which will draw an immediate response from footydom’s insecure and the easily offended.
If you’re considering making yourself useful by getting on the code war article bandwagon this off-season, it will pay you to remember that more often than not, the contents of the article you are contemplating are largely irrelevant, and most likely won’t even be read, provided that you get the required trigger words into the title.
Remember, actual facts – if any – that support the article’s premise. If any will just confuse everyone, it will be immediately debunked by some googling Wikipedia disciple who believes anything and everything that they read on the internet.
For the best results, and to receive maximum comments and personal abuse, try to offend every footy code at the same time, with the possible exception of your own favourite code.
For example, an article titled “More people play and watch football (soccer) around the world than all the other football codes put together” is bound to draw immediate unfriendly fire from league, union and AFL fans alike. They will then most likely produce rubbery statistics and dodgy article references proving it is, in fact, their own code that has the numbers.
If you don’t have the courage to attract this much heat though, or actually like one of the other codes, just pick a soft target, upload the article and stand well back from your computer. Articles about the non-stop comical diving ruining the once-great sport of soccer will see your screen light up, and sometimes just using the word “ soccer” instead of “football” will earn the same response.
You can easily earn the ire of AFL supporters by merely pointing out that no other country on earth could be bothered to even play their game. But be warned – AFL supporters hunt in packs, largely live in second-rate states, have long memories, and will probably clog your internet existence for decades to come.
Inflammatory articles about both rugby league and rugby union are a no-brainer, literally, but don’t expect a rapid response, as league and union supporters are notoriously slow…….to gather their thoughts, and traditionally spend much more time trying to deal with the intricacies of spell check. Unless of course, they are more comfortable relying upon a monosyllabic response.
Union fans will just love to hear how far Australian rugby has slipped in the last couple of years. Well, from the 1680’s really. Not only in the world rugby rankings but also in comparison to the other codes, particularly following their recent loss to Italy. Any article containing the words “Bledisloe” and “Cup” in the same sentence will also be roaring hot in no time and will drag in both the perennially victorious Kiwis, and the Wallaby losers.
League fans can also be easily baited, even on an online platform. Raising doubts about the validity and relevance of the recent World Cup is a good starting point for new authors, and if that’s not enough, league fans will argue till their migraines become unbearable that there is no evidence to link the constant head trauma received in the game to CTE.
They’ll swear blind that you have just as much chance of a dementia diagnosis from playing lawn bowls as you do from making thirty to forty tackles every week. Just upload the article and then stay out of their way and let them go at it, as you have the same chance of convincing them otherwise as having them attend Israel Folau’s next prayer meeting.
So now it’s time to get busy. Don’t let this footy off-season pass you by. What better opportunity to have a free kick at your least favourite footy code.
Who knows, you may just make a few new friends. You’ll almost certainly make lots of new enemies.
JennyFromPenny
Guest
Tell various size and shape of ball followers that their size and shape sucks. Bait that was obviously set by a Master.
Munro Mike
Roar Rookie
"in all but one of those codes you use your hands, so there’s only one football" So.........goalies don't count? And the sideline throw in doesn't count? Selective blindness?!?! btw - given that Association Football awards goals that are 'scored' and not necessarily 'kicked'; and many, many goals are NOT kicked - - it's very difficult for you to sustain the argument you're trying to make.
Munro Mike
Roar Rookie
Ah Tony......I think we saw the proofs via Folau and Hunt that there's nothing 'elite' about the athletes of the NRL.
Bangkokpussey
Roar Rookie
According to your logic more people plough with a buffalo than a tractor, therefore a Buffalo is better. I must admit what could possibly be more exciting than sitting through a whole match going aaah! and oh! just to see a nil all draw, or even more riveting, a world cup deciding who is the best team in the world, by a penalty shoot out. BTW the list of countries that have won the "world" cup in its entire history is less than the number of teams that have won an AFL premiership since 2000. Most are there to make up the numbers to justify calling it a "world" cup. It would be more accurate to call it the Europe V Sth America cup.
mwm
Guest
It’s quite easy to ‘flare up’ us football fans from time to time. We ‘fall over’ to protect our game.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
They do some kicking, but they all use their feet to run on. Rugby League use a prolate spheroidal football.
George Apps
Roar Rookie
There's no such thing as American football - they don't use their feet at all!
George Apps
Roar Rookie
I can't stand the diving that goes on in the English game - it's cheating and players who do it should be sent off IMO. They'd soon come to their senses if they were.
clipper
Roar Rookie
Yes, upon further investigation, you're right - pretty awful, almost like they couldn't be trusted.
Rowdy
Roar Rookie
I think it was lead by a white guy.
clipper
Roar Rookie
Many people confuse reality with what they want to think
clipper
Roar Rookie
I suspect he's just throwing stuff around. The Aboriginal cricket team of 1868 was the first national team to be let by an Indigenous person for a start - league wasn't even going then.
Rowdy
Roar Rookie
The drop kick died in Australian Football about 1973 or 1974. The kick was too easy to smother. Trying to make out a that a sport doesn’t do it anymore as lacking a skill belies the fact that the skill became deleterious to the promotion of the ball forward. And I’ll add that the Place Kick disappeared from Australian Football in 1911 … I think. ———- And you very, very rarely see a 70m Drop Kick in RL.
Rowdy
Roar Rookie
Net migration over many years has been to Qld. ---------- I have 17 obsessions, if this one doesn't suit l have others :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
Rowdy
Roar Rookie
Thanks for you concern. I love it when people go out of their way to help.
Malotru
Roar Rookie
Very good, but I was actually suggesting your introspection revealed a large empty space much closer to home :happy:
Tony
Roar Guru
:laughing:
Malotru
Roar Rookie
So you're a demographer as well Rowdy. Some Tasmanians head to Queensland, but I suspect more Queenslanders move to Tassie nowadays.
Malotru
Roar Rookie
How many afl players can drop kick a ball 70+ metres Rowdy? None these days caus' they don't have the skill anymore. There's a few in Rugby that can though.
Rowdy
Roar Rookie
It's not what my Psychiatrist said and now he's in conflict with my Psychologist