A long, long time ago, I can still remember… As a lad I watched a Bledisloe Cup game. It was in New Zealand, though I can’t say exactly when. At a guess, I’d say it was at Eden Park. As per usual, the whole country was united behind the might of the All Blacks.
This game sticks out because, prior to the match, the whole city had a voluntary “black out”. Like, no lights on anywhere near the stadium. When the lights came up, I remember the National Anthem. It was belted out by some large, incredible opera singer.
The stadium went berserk, and from across the ditch, I could almost feel the deflation of the Wallabies.
It was proper intimidating, and I loved it.
It’s a topic that my friends and I often discuss while bending the elbow. And spurned on by a recent comment by The Roar’s own Red Rob, I now commit to writing.
Psychological warfare is all part of competition (as the Australian cricket team will tell you). It’s all well and good to be mates after the game, but before and during, you should be taking whatever advantage you can.
And I often think about what the ground announcers could be doing to give the home team a leg up.
And why not music?
If given the chance, I would love to get control of the sound system, and unleash musical mind bombs. Remind the opposition, subliminally almost, that it isn’t going their way. Get the song in their head. Let them know they’ve stuffed up.
Imagine if you’re on the visitor’s side, and every time you made a mistake, every time something went wrong, every try the bunker torpedoed, you heard a few bars of a terrible song that was played just to mock you. It would hurt.
What follows is a list of candidates that may be effective.
I’ve tried to follow these criteria –
1. The song has to be catchy
2. It has to be contextually funny
3. It’s objectively incapable of inspiration
Some of these selections I’m proud of; some can definitely be improved. I look forward to y’all’s contributions.
1. Broncos – The Kevin Walters Song
Honestly, not the inspirational tool that it was meant to be, and given the season that followed its release… Can’t imagine the boys would want to be reminded
2. Cowboys – Whip it good – Devo
Imagine the first thing you hear after every mistake – whip it good. I think Rhinestone Cowboy could also be a laugh.
3. Dolphins – Homeless – Paul Simon
This was a hard one, because who doesn’t love the Dolphins at the moment. Best I could do.
4. Gold Coast – Kokomo – Beach Boys
Had to be a Coasty-theme, so Beach Boys was an obvious call. The first few bars would be devastating if deployed correctly.
5. Newcastle – Ecstasy – ATB
Cheap shot, I know.
6. Manly – Lonely – Justin Beiber
Picking up on the ‘Guess what, Manly hates you too theme’. Justin Bieber’s awful lament about how lonely his privileged life is seemed to fit the bill.
George Michael’s ‘Faith’ would also be hilarious. Maybe a spot too controversial…
7. Roosters – FUR – Where did all the people go?
Reminding the Roosters that they are probably playing in front of no fans…
8. Souths – Money, Money, Money – Abba
Though I originally had this penciled in for the Roosters, clearly the Sombrero has moved to Redfern. If that’s a bit too mean you could play just about anything from Rusty’s TOFOG back catalogue, and that would just hurt…
9. Bulldogs – Puppy Love – Donny Osmond
Predictable, but it would be hilarious
10. St George – You Know I’m No Good – Amy Winehouse
I mean, it speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Kick ‘em when they’re down, I say.
11. Cronulla – Baby Shark – Pinkfong
I know, another cheap one, but seriously, if everytime you dropped the ball, you heard “do do do do do”, you’d go mad, wouldn’t you? Just the “do do do do do”’s, nothing else.
12. Wests – One is the loneliest number – John Farnham
Subtle, but brutal
13. Panthers- It’s hard to be humble – Mac Davis
‘Nuff said
14. Eels – Yellow – Coldplay
Chris Martin’s whiney voice to a sad, minor chord background, particularly after a bombed try. You’d cry one way or the other.
15. Canberra – Hey Ricky you’re so fine – Weird Al
Yes, Ricky, not Mickey. Weird Al’s version would be gold. Knowing that everytime the Raiders make a mistake, the camera zooms in on Ricky doing something violent, this is the perfect musical accompaniment.
16. Storm – The Cheater – Bob Kuhn and the In-Men
Footy fans can have long memories. Especially so if you can remember this song…
17. Warriors – How Bizarre – OMC
This one isn’t so much mean, but it would be hilarious. Fumbled play-the-ball? How Bizarre. Offside by a blade of grass? How Bizarre. Having every decision somehow go against you? How Bizarre, how bizarre, how bizarre.
And special mention to the Bunker. Surely, whilst reviewing a decision, any song by Stevie Wonder would get the message across. I would recommend ‘Superstition’.
I think that’s a solid start, but there’s serious improvement to be had.
Over to you, friends.
mrl
Roar Rookie
Brilliant...they are a bunch of muppets.
Noel
Roar Rookie
Devastating... Love it. :laughing:
Mattpoet
Roar Rookie
Rainbow connection for manly surely
Noel
Roar Rookie
I've been to a few slow test matches where the Barmy Army have provided the entertainment. Nobody does crowd participation better than the poms...
ScouseinOz
Roar Rookie
Nice article. As a Brit it does shock me how different the crowd culture is here. Fans here don't really chant to tunes or have specific chants against another team or fans. No better or worse just very different. Its actually quite nice not having grown men quoting football tragedies at rival fans. In the UK if you travel to an away game on train or coach, about 3 nutters are trying to come up with new chants. I do think more NRL teams should adopt more less literal team songs before the matches because it's just a great thing to do. NRL teams seem to commission songs to play but just knick a theme tune or old pop song and the fans will adopt it if you give it a go. I'd love the Roosters to play the old Number 96 tv theme tune prior to kick off.
Tony
Roar Guru
Or inappropriate songs :happy:
Dwanye
Roar Rookie
Lol. Yes
mrl
Roar Rookie
It is a ripper article....you can almost hear everyone thinking about suitable songs!
Dutski
Roar Guru
Great stuff Noel. I’ll be pondering this all day
mrl
Roar Rookie
"The nips are getting Bigger"....Penrith in the off-season.
Noel
Roar Rookie
Mental as Anything... How could I overlook thee?
Big A
Roar Rookie
Hate music blaring at games at every stoppage in NRL and rugby games - maybe go watch basketball or something - bring back the Scottish marching bands at half time
jimmmy
Roar Rookie
I was at Suncorp for the Broncs Panthers and they played that after a knock on, !
Tony
Roar Guru
Gold.
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Slightly off topic but still footy themed, these are actual songs: 1. Ex-St George fans after they give up on the club - 'I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here' - Billy Walker 2. Parramatta (about Penrith) - 'We hate it when our friends become successful' - Morrissey 3. Nick Politis after he sacks Robbo - 'If the phone doesn't ring, it's me' - Jimmy Buffett 4. Dragons players to Ben Hunt - 'If you leave me, can I come too?' - Mental as Anything.
mrl
Roar Rookie
And then the "baby elephant walk" when JWH attempts to collect it.
Tony
Roar Guru
Nailed it :happy:
Tony
Roar Guru
And wouldn't the Roosters just love to hear the Chicken Dance playing every time they drop the ball
Noel
Roar Rookie
"Wouldn't it be nice". Seriously, listen to the lyrics of that song...
Noel
Roar Rookie
I'm going to be laughing at that all day. Top shelf.