In another pseudo-exclusive from The Roar, we can reveal that Cronulla are planning to conduct a thorough self-assessment of governance at season’s end in the wake of their uncharacteristic run of seven wins in eight matches.
Club bosses are growing increasingly concerned with what they describe as “lingering performance irregularities”, with many condemning certain pockets of the administration for failing to deliver the requisite destabilisation demanded by a Sharks hierarchy.
After an orderly opening to the season with four straight losses, the club now sits in fifth spot on the ladder and in the dangerous position of being under serious threat of a finals berth.
Initially, the board were prepared to treat the revival like Coke Life and assume it will eventually go away, but after Lyall Gorman’s disastrous failure to right the ship with the Fifita bungle resulted in the team defeating the Bulldogs at Belmore, alarm bells began to ring.
Then when coach Shane Flanagan claimed the weekend’s win over the Warriors was “the best defensive effort of the season”, it had become apparent the club had somehow found their way to uncharted and horribly calm waters.
Aware the front office’s dysfunction had grown dysfunctional, the board called a snap meeting and came to the conclusion that it was time to run the rule over themselves to ascertain where everything had gone so terribly right.
Some club officials demanded the review be held immediately, concerned that the sound foundations laid by the supplements scandal were being rapidly eroded beyond repair. Others suggested the appointment of an interim coaching super-duo of Peter Sharp and Stuart Raper to reprise the club’s standards to its unresponsive playing group.
However, the club ultimately decided to opt for familiar practice by vetoing both ideas in favour of dealing with the issue later on, after it’s given the sufficient time required to further fester.
One unnamed board member has described the recent turnaround in fortunes on the field as “completely against club culture”.
“This is tragic. My phone has been running hot. I’ve even had ET offer to be photographed bubbling just to create some unrest.
“We’ve even got a jersey sponsor these days. It’s just not on.
“Keep this up and something silly might happen, like a premiership.”
News of the revival has also made it to NRL headquarters, with David Smith in talks over possible solutions to Cronulla’s unfamiliar prosperity.
Concerned the club’s resurgence could scupper his plans to relocate the franchise to Alice Springs, the game’s head of state has proposed harsh guidelines to be imposed should they not address their in-house issues in quick time.
Smith has urged them to take the lead from market-leading basketcases like Parramatta, even going as far as to remind them of Roy Spagnolo’s services while also tagging their Facebook page with a link to Tony Zappia’s LinkedIn account.
However, Cronulla’s bosses have assured Smith these extreme measures will not be required, confident it has the framework in place to see off the threat of sustained accomplishment.
“Keep the faith, Sharks fans,” said one unnamed director. “A handful of losses and some political infighting is just around the corner.”
3 Hats
Guest
Maybe their back on the peptides? lol
Birdy
Guest
No need to worry at all Dane . The Tigers had their investigation in 2006 and everything has been fine ever since
Pickett
Guest
Cronulla is one James Maloney short of winning the title.
chad Mcdonald
Guest
That's not irrational, the bastards shit-goed us twice in the 70s. Remember the penalty goal that wasn't.?
Sharks Fan
Roar Rookie
Ronald, do you see the two letters at the top of this article? The HA? Did you know that generally means that the article is written in a light-hearted manner? We all know of your absolute hatred for the Sharks. It's not meant to be taken literally.
jamesb
Guest
Yeah it is a bit strange with Cronulla winning lately.... and they are now fifth on the ladder. What's wrong with Cronulla?
Renegade
Roar Guru
Just Poetic...Preach CC, Preach!!
Epiquin
Roar Guru
The Shire is looking for an excuse to secede anyway, regardless of premiership glory.
Epiquin
Roar Guru
He shoots, he scores!
MC Hammerhead
Guest
Just reading this brought a tear of pride to my eye.
Crosscoder
Roar Guru
And I might add,should the nigh impossible happen,and the good guys in the blue .black and white happen to win the BIG ONE,the Shire will declare a district holiday,.In fact they may even secede from Noo Souf Wales. Both the Tom Uglys and Captain Cook Bridge will be blocked to repel outsiders,a statue of Gallen will be consecrated outside the Leagues Club,a walk of fame with the imprint of the hands of Shark's players will be bedded down in the Cronulla Mall. A fun run from Sutherland to Cronulla will take place,with kegs strategically placed every 100 metres for those runners needing fluid injections. The after party will make all prior parties seem like New Years Eve ,4th July tame. Sharks 22 Cowboys 18. Man of the match Valentine Holmes. Gallen will stand proudly with the trophy shouting joyfully"This is for the 180,000 plus Shire residents and the true believers".
bear54
The 2015 Cronulla Sharks snatching credibility from the jaws of mediocrity? This is such a Cronulla story line...... A collection of veterans and misfits drawn from around the league for one final shot at glory and a maiden title for the most snake-bitten-cursed-club of the NRL. The Sharks defeat all comers on an inspiring run to the Grand Final with a groundswell of support from all league supporters who can't help but enjoy the romance and joy for what Cronulla will finally achieve after all these years when they take on the 6 time champion Broncos. Final score, Brisbane 42 defeat Cronulla 2 (Gallen opted for a shot at goal 5 minutes in)
Squidward
Roar Rookie
Sharks certainly had the best and less jerseys for a long time aka no sponsor on them
DingoGray
Roar Guru
ET is certainly having some luck with his "Fishing ROD"
Crosscoder
Roar Guru
I believe Flanagan and Gorman should be tried in a kangaroo court,with no right of appeal. 5th spot is not what us Sharks' fan expect.We are the Best & Less of the NRL ,mostly less. We are never expected to punch or shoulder charge above our weight. It's a bit like Kyle Sandilands going steady with Heidi Klum. Cronulla invented the word mediocrity, we showed the world how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory for time immemorial. The moment Harold Holt went on his never ending deep sea dive,the Sharks were destined to have sand kicked in their face as a rite of adult passage. We had such luminaries as Zappa,G. Bird and the guy who invented the high rise bubbler T Carney.Who could forget our star recruit S Danks,who taught us how to spend money needlessly,and gave us more publicity in 12 months than we had in 48 years. We made negativity our password,despite this the club has a couple of plusses,the Mermaids and the best colour combinations of all the NRL clubs.What more do we need?
Epiquin
Roar Guru
Unless he meant 'cleanskin' in that he is cheap, nasty and often found in bottle shops.
pjm
Roar Rookie
*has a foreskin
Tim Gore
Expert
Dan Eldridge = Genius! I'm still laughing! GO THE SHARKIES!
HarryT
Guest
This is brilliant Dane. The only solution to this errant period of sustained success is a total suspension the whole club for 12 months. Back dated to the 5th August 2014, of course.
db
Guest
Paul Mellor has just released a statement clarifying his position. He says ET is a foreskin.