Super Rugby 2016 power poll 1: The tiers of TV

Now that plenty of teams have played a full third of their games, it’s time to take the temperature of Super Rugby competition.

In the tradition of me using absurd pop culture references to try and trick people into thinking I’m interesting, I’ve divided the teams into a power poll based on quality tiers of TV shows.

The teams are in groups, but the numbered rankings hold.

Greatest (The Wire, The Sopranos)
In the humble opinion of this guy who spends too long on the couch watching TV, The Wire and The Sopranos are on a plane of their own as the greatest shows the medium has produced.

After five rounds of Super Rugby I don’t see a team that deserves to be mentioned among the greats of Super Rugby. Last year the Hurricanes were that team in the regular season. They were all conquering, played with a style that took your breath away, and full of twists and flair.

This year all teams appear to have weaknesses and have stumbled where they shouldn’t have if they aspire to live in rarified air.

A small step down (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The Shield):

1. Chiefs
2. Highlanders

Life isn’t too bad one step below the best. Shows like Breaking Bad, Mad Men and The Shield featured fantastic writing, directors in their element, and a well-rounded experience that is hard to match, even at the movies.

The Chiefs were both exhilarating and measured against the Crusaders, but then got bogged down for a moment against the Lions. This is reminiscent of the early stages of Breaking Bad: a show with an excellent premise and wonderful early episodes that then got a little lost as it worked out what it wanted to be. But once it clicked, it was brilliant.

The Chiefs rolling through the Kings, Jaguares and Force by 34, 4 and 43 points respectively on the road sounds like a team finding a great groove.

The Highlanders are more like Mad Men at this point. They are full of very capable players at this level, who play well as a group. They’re led by the Smiths – Ben as Jon Hamm and Aaron as Matthew Weiner – who add world-class shine.

Ben brings the charisma of a leading man and adds crisp efficiency, bordering on perfection, with just enough emotion to let you know he is real. Aaron guides the side through its paces, gets the team to the right place on the field and points them in the right direction. Use the comments to battle out who is January Jones, John Slattery, Elizabeth Moss, Christina Hendricks and Alison Brie.

The stars abound on this Highlanders side, but they all play with a team-first mentality. They’ll be here for the full seven seasons, with huge re-watchability.

Regularly great (Veep, The West Wing, Fargo):

3. Hurricanes
4. Stormers
5. Brumbies

Some shows are fantastic and worth debating, discussing and contemplating in their own right, but have notable flaws. They’re sometimes a little bland (Fargo), make you wonder why they don’t stick to what they’re good at (Veep) and have brilliant episodes followed by poor ones (The West Wing).

The Stormers, Hurricanes and Brumbies match these three shows respectively, and are three teams going to be there or thereabouts for the rest of the season, it seems, with more ups than downs.

The Hurricanes had an all-time great regular season last year. As of now, they haven’t quite matched their performance, but there are plenty of quality players, patterns they know worked last year and time to work new additions in before the rubber hits the road. Don’t count them out of a grand final victory.

The Stormers are riding a poor South African group that mixes down years for other powerhouses with an influx of new teams. If they aren’t resting players down the stretch because they’re so far ahead, it’ll be disappointing.

Ah the Brumbies. Great on the field, a shambles off it. Veep’s Selina Meyer knows how to put a game face on, but behind the scenes things threaten to bring her down. Let’s hope for the Brumbies sake they begin to resemble a higher class drama – such as their on-field exploits demonstrate – rather than a bumbling mess off the field.

Keep-watching fodder (House of Cards, Suits, The Good Wife):

6. Crusaders
7. Sharks
8. Lions
9. Rebels
10. Waratahs

These five teams deserve your attention every week. They rank alongside shows you aren’t asking the world of, but are happy to either race through or steadily keep up with when they become available.

The Crusaders are working out a new playing style slowly, one they should have adopted last year to be successful. If they keep going down this path they’ll block the second-placed Australian team from a finals spot.

The Sharks couldn’t possibly lose their conference could they? I think they’re going to get into and then be flogged in the finals.

It looks like the Lions are the most likely team to make the wildcard spot from the African group. They’re going to have to watch out they aren’t pulled into a fight with the 11th placed team on this list, but have the team and weapons to keep earning regular points in this competition.

Ah, the Rebels. They were Australia’s great hope, but they’re not ready for the spotlight yet. The match against the Highlanders showed how far they have to go to be an every-week winner in Super Rugby. But they remain a must watch, if only to see how some of the interesting young players continue to develop.

The Waratahs are almost the reverse of the Rebels. If the Rebels were the highly anticipated, yet ultimately unfulfilling House of Cards, the Waratahs are The Good Wife. In its current make up the best days appear to be behind this Waratahs squad, but there is still enough there to keep you coming back for a bit more.

Capable stars, some shared history, and an occasional great episode keep drawing you in.

Nothing else on (Scandal, Empire, Channel 111):

11. Bulls
12. Cheetahs

Depending on your taste, you’ll either stick with a soapy drama when there’s nothing else too exciting to watch and you haven’t found a new binge-watch show. Scandal and Empire both have their moments, so are bearable, especially if the Mrs likes them.

If you have other tastes, you find your way to Channel 111 on Foxtel playing a dependable back-to-back-to-back of some syndicated comedy. That’ll give you enough chuckles to get you through while you answer emails or read the news.

That is the Bulls and Cheetahs this year. They both already have slim chances of making the finals. You’ll tune in if the conditions are right – you can’t bear to miss a game, the opposition is good, there’s nothing else on.

Too early to tell (Daredevil, Mr Robot, Jessica Jones):

15. Blues
16. Jaguares
17. Sunwolves

Some shows start out with a lot of promise but fade (Daredevil), others blow you away every week but haven’t been on long enough to know if it will work out in the long run (Mr Robot), others grind away with an interesting concept and, if they keep it up, will change how you view a genre (Jessica Jones).

The Blues have a new, inspirational coach this year. Tana Umaga was meant to bring something new, something missing, and something great to the table in Auckland. Like Daredevil, the Blues raised everyone’s hope by bringing in Umaga and then beating the Highlanders in Round 1. But since then Daredevil slipped into too many same-old tropes for superhero shows, and the Blues seem to have returned to a familiar recent mediocrity. Next year maybe?

The Jaguares started their Super Rugby existence with a win, away in Africa. That is nothing short of remarkable. Yes it was only the Cheetahs, but they followed that up with a very narrow loss against the Sharks, also on the road. Despite losing three matches they are only minus-12 in for and against. It’s been a brilliant start in a tough competition, hinting at more to come.

Mr Robot was the best new show on TV in 2015. It was a veritable superstar. The show was superbly acted, unique, incredibly directed and of this time. Time will tell if it can come back as strong in season two. Viewers of Mr Robot and the Jaguares are both hoping the next act lifts to another level.

Not long ago I thought the Sunwolves were going to be horrible this year. And while they haven’t yet won a match, they’ve surprised me. I’ve never liked any of the superhero movies or TV series, but Jessica Jones does things a bit differently. With just the right amount of super-ness to be a superhero show, it’s changed my mind about the possibilities of the genre – now it needs to back it up with a stellar season two.

Like Jessica Jones, if the Sunwolves can take one more step up they’ll prove me comprehensively wrong about their entrance into Super Rugby.

Hate watch: (Q&A, The Jerry Springer Show, The Shire):

16. Force
17. Reds
18. Kings

Like Q&A, whenever you tune into Force games (ratings suggest not many of you are), it’s cringe after cringe and continued frustration. You have to admire the effort and even ideals of the producers (players), but at this point it’s just beyond repair. Better to blow it up and start again.

Watching the Reds is like The Jerry Springer Show – something is going to go wrong every week. Whether it’s getting flogged or drawn, there’s always a tragic story. They’ve limped from bad moment off-field to poor moment on the field all year so far. Someone should conduct a worldwide search to find out who the father is.

Remember when that show, The Shire, existed. Why did it? That’s a question you could ask about the Southern Kings right now. Just, why?