Number three draft pick Hugh McCluggage has surprised the football world by requesting a trade from the Brisbane Lions just 15 minutes after being selected.
McCluggage said that while he was really flattered that Brisbane had chosen to use their first pick on him, he felt he deserved better than being consigned to a team that had only made the finals once in the past 12 years.
“Look, I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I know I told the Lions that I would be happy to go to Brisbane, but everyone knows that’s just what you say to every team,” McCluggage said.
“I mean Brisbane, jeez! In the last two years, players have been getting out of there faster than stray cats on a greyhound track. Even their captain tried to get traded out.
“And everyone jokes about their training facilities being of third world quality. I don’t even know where the third world is and I had to google where the Gabba was.”
McCluggage said he would have been happy to go to Essendon where he would get the opportunity to play in front of large crowds weekly, or GWS, who are clearly now a strong premiership chance.
“When neither of them called out my name I suddenly got this sick feeling, like when you eat two Big Macs too quickly. I felt like my dreams of playing in a great AFL team were about to be shattered.”
“I was sort of numb when they presented me with my Lions jumper and I remember thinking I was going to have to wear that thing in public. I’d rather be seen in a safari suit.”
Other Lions players were sympathetic and advised him to do what they do and play at 50 per cent during games in the hope of getting delisted or traded out.
McCluggage’s parents were also disappointed.
Having hoped his son would be wearing an Essendon jumper, McCluggage’s father had just purchased a new OLED TV because he’d heard it really brings out the colour black.
“I mean what’s the point now if he’s going to be wearing burgundy, blue and yellow? We may as well have stayed with the Panasonic,” he said.
A spokesman for the Lions said that the wellbeing of their new recruits was their major priority and that their medical team was well versed in these areas.
Several recruiters voiced their concerns for the young man saying it proved the current system was flawed when teams like Hawthorn and GWS couldn’t automatically get hold of all the best talent in the country.
Mick_Lions
Roar Pro
The Gabbas a great ground, been to a few AFL games and plenty of cricket. With such small crowds tho the shove General admissions on the fence in a pocket. I watched Browny kick 9 vs the Blues 2nd tier dead centre on a gorgeous sunny winters day with 20k fans. Did I mention I was wearing a t-shirt?
Liam Salter
Roar Guru
Don, that's fair enough. I usually like satire I just personally thought this one wasn't too original. I suppose the writing was good, just the context to it just didn't impress me, if that makes sense.
Lions Forever
Guest
If he did not want to come here ther he should not have put himself up for draft they know they can go anywhere. As for the comment about other players if this is how they feel then they should just up and leave. Like when we started as the Bears we had issues now it is a new begining lets give our team a fair go and see what happens over the next few seasons.
Joe B
Guest
Sounds like a load of rubbish
Don Freo
Guest
I think this one was funny...and I don't usually like such stuff. The idea of dissing a struggling club is not so funny but to sustain satire throughout is quite an achievement. So much of it can be just nasty but this was sustained cleverness. Good writing.
Tricky
Guest
Yep and I'm afraid it will what is already a basket case in my unmighty magpies...........sigh
Paul D
Roar Guru
At the time I'm sure it made sense to someone important at the Lions. But in hindsight, a terrible decision. They would do it differently given their time again.
armchair expert
Guest
Joke or otherwise, the poison chalice which doomed the lions to a decade, maybe 2 of misery was the decision to shaft 3 good players for Fevola, compare that to the Bulldogs with Beverige arriving there and saving Morris and Boyd's careers when they were about to be delisted, the results speak for themselves.
Lroy
Guest
Ah this was hilarious. Love the quip about only playing at 50% ha ha ;-) I recall the very first time the Eagles recruited from the draft, they asked their number one pick to speak to the side about his biggest success and disappointments in footy.. He listed his biggest disappointment as getting drafted by the aforementioned Eagles!! Needless to say he never played a game... but just goes to show, even though this is parody, it could be closer to the truth than some would like to admit.
Paul D
Roar Guru
I think we need to wait and see what it looks like when one or both teams are playing well and back in contention - assuming that does occur in the next few years. There is not a lot to recommend the Gabba to anyone. Both the Gabba and Metricon suffer too from poor public transport connections. Improvements and new connections are coming that will help with crowd numbers there. At this point these clubs just need to keep playing the long game, and ensure that they do not repeat the same mistakes of the past. I've argued before we should go back to one team in QLD but I must concede not enough time has elapsed to call it a failure. I think it would take 20 years of mediocrity before the AFL was convinced to pull stumps, and any decision would be the result of a growing groundswell of opinion to say that 2 teams weren't working.
Brendon the 1st
Guest
It would probably be funny if it wasn't kind of true. Can't help but think that the Gold Coast suns will end up being the death of footy in QLD, there's just not enough fans to spread over two teams. No fans, no cash, both teams suffer. It also seems to me that the GABBA feels a bit soulless, I've never been there so please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems dull, even for the cricket. Perhaps they should have built that nice new stadium and given it to the lions, then bought a second team in later on to share it, GC's stadium looks great, except it's empty all the time, Brissie would have filled that place.
James Bull
Guest
Lol sounds so hilarious Hal, wish he wrote that instead...
hal
Guest
You could have written another satirical article where McCluggage said I am so glad to be drafted by a non Victorian club because I will get to experience a summer. You could have written that he said thank god I get to escape Melbourne's dreary, damp, and cold weather that is constantly shrouded in grey clouds.
Birdman
Guest
agreed, pc - what a bunch o' crankypants posters.
paul cotton
Guest
yes mate with your good recruiting lets hope the lions will be back soon. tho as a demons supporter who has seen nothiong but crap for 50 years I would take a slide dwon the bottom of the ladder for a decade if we could win 3 flags in a row
TomC
Roar Guru
I wasn't outraged or offended, and my post was pretty mild. I'd suggest that you see a lot of outrage and offence around because you are looking for it.
Birdman
Guest
gunning for Titus O'Reily!. Loved it.
Paul D
Roar Guru
6/10. Amusing but nothing original.
DingoGray
Roar Guru
It's the cycle I guess. We the laughing stock right now..... Give us a couple of years and someone else will be the Butt of everyone's jokes.
paul cotton
Guest
This is so bloody funny - I couldnt stop laughing. for f's sake lighten up people - it's satire Hilarious