The Liebke Ratings: Australia v New Zealand second ODI

Off to Manuka Oval, where Australia ruthlessly crushed New Zealand by 116 runs to claim the Chappell-Hadlee trophy, something that England will never manage, no matter how many times they inexplicably win the Ashes.

Here are the ratings for the second ODI between Australia and New Zealand.

Toss Decisions
Grade: D-

With this game taking place in Canberra, it came as no surprise that the start of play was delayed and over budget, with the toss taking place fifteen minutes after the scheduled start of play and with a rolled up fifty dollar note.

Nevertheless, New Zealand captain Kane Williamson called correctly and elected to allow Australia to run up an almost insurmountable total of 5/378 from their fifty overs.

Steve Smith in turn revealed that Glenn Maxwell was still out. Great work from Maxwell, perhaps the only man in world cricket who can find himself dismissed at the toss. And, of course, excellent work from (presumably) Matthew Wade to have Maxwell not play in either the Victorian Shield side or the Australian ODI teams this week. What a formidable foe he’s turned out to be.

Mitch Marsh fans
Grade: C

After Aaron Finch’s customary cheap dismissal, Smith and David Warner put on a 145-run partnership that was most notable for how tediously efficient it all was. Why couldn’t at least one of them have batted with George Bailey’s new bum-first stance to mix things up a bit?

Oh, sure, Steve Smith got himself hit in the nuts – something that would never have happened with Bailey’s stance – but that’s pretty weak comedy sauce.

Luckily, both Smith and Warner eventually fell, bringing Travis Head and Mitchell Marsh to the crease. Of the two, it was Marsh who provided the comic fodder, via our old pals, the Channel Nine commentators.

With Marsh struggling to get going at first, the commentary team suddenly declared that this was yet another example of Marsh’s wretched luck, because all the bowlers were bowling so much better to him than everybody else.

Now, I have nothing against Mitch Marsh. Or, indeed, his brother, whatsisface. I’m sure they’re lovely young men. Or, y’know, if not ‘sure’, then certainly at least willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

And I think I’d actually quite like to live in a world where I could revel in their successes, such as here when the bowlers finally stopped saving all their good deliveries for Marsh, and he proceeded to pummel his way to 76* (40) with some of the most cleanly struck sixes you’d ever want to see.

But the commentary cheerleading just makes me yearn for the oh-so-delicious schadenfreude of their failure. You know, on behalf of all those other modern cricketers who sadly didn’t get the chance to win over the commentators by being adorable children of one of their former teammates.

Broken bats
Grade: B-

Chasing 379 for victory, Martin Guptill came out and teed off, racing to 34 from just 22 balls after five overs. He was the clear danger man for Australia, which is why it came as such a shock when silly old Josh Hazlewood caught and bowled Tom Latham instead. Really poor focus from the metronomic quick to take the wrong batsman’s wicket.

Guptill batted on, eventually following Marsh’s lead in breaking a piece of his bat and calling for a replacement. Marsh had, in fact, broken his bat on multiple occasions during his innings, each time wasting valuable minutes while he chose his next blade.

Is it time to restrict the batsmen to just one bat per innings? Surely this would add a whole new element of skill and strategy to batting. Yes, you can have your bats that, like Shane Warne’s ego, combine enormity of size with surprising fragility. But if they break, then you’re restricted to dabbing away at the ball with half a handle.

Worth a try, surely.

Pat Cummins’ inexperience and youth
Grade: B

Eventually Pat Cummins had Guptill caught behind following some kind of Scarlet Witch-style magical hand gestures from Smith at first slip. Don’t be surprised to see the match referee investigate this blatant display of match-hexing from the Australian captain.

The wicket was one of four for Cummins, who bounced back well after being below his best in the first game. Good confidence boost for the youngster, because what people often forget is that despite having played his only Test eight years ago, Cummins is still just nineteen years old.

Or some damn thing. I don’t remember the details.

Travis Head
Grade: F

With Guptill gone, Williamson and Jimmy Neesham did their best to keep New Zealand in the hunt with a 125 run partnership. But it was never going to be enough, if only for the fact that 125 runs is much less than the 300 plus runs they needed when they came together. I mean, that’s just basic arithmetic, New Zealand.

Eventually, with Travis Head called on to bowl spin in lieu of the rested Adam Zampa, there was only one point of interest remaining in the game. We all saw in last year’s BBL how Zampa had run the non-striker out with a ball that deflected off his head.

A neat trick, sure. But could Head now do the reverse and instigate a run out with a deflection off his Zampa?

Alas, he could not. Disappointing.