Don't stuff about Laurie, this is your Origin XVII

Laurie? Thanks for coming in. Wanted a word.

Now, as you know, each year on January first we start talking State of Origin, and which five-eighth should partner Mitchell Pearce in the halves.

We talk about which giant quartet of brutes to load the bench with, how we can do something about – and preferably to – Cameron Smith, and how many times in a set of six Paul Gallen should handle the ball, whether that be four times or five.

But Laurie? The Gal is gone. And this year things will be different.

This year you listen to me.

Now, not to say I didn’t enjoy this malarkey that you and old mate Bulldog Ritchie concocted for the back page of the Tele asserting that our NSW Blues have what some are calling an “embarrassment of riches” to pick from in our annual three-prong hate-rumble against the Toads of the North.

According to the Loz and Dog Doctrine, a massive 52 players are in the conversation to slip on a blue jumper.

In terms of marketing and pumping things up, full marks.

In terms of perking up your incumbents to believe they’re in trouble, best practice.

In terms of reality, Laurie, it’s The Wizard of Oz: entertaining, but actually a very bad dream.

Look, mate – you do not have an embarrassment of riches.

Those bastards from Queensland have an embarrassment of riches.

In their decade of dominance Queensland have trotted out the greatest backlines there have ever been.

Better than the ’88 Maroons, the ’82 or ’86 Invincibles, the Raiders and Broncos of the 80s and 90s, the angry Dragons of Gasnier, Langlands, Raper and Smith.

Even this year with Cronk turning 34, Thurston hobbling about with an old man’s bung calf, and the Great Juggernaut of Inglis not able pull on a sock, the Maroons will still trot out a super-formidable backline, blood-gargling beasts in the pigs, and Cameron Bloody Smith, the wily little bastard with all the perfect moves and game smarts, something has to be done about him, a conversation for another time.

Suffice to say they go grouse, Queensland. They are the best there’s ever been.

However … we beat them in game three last year. And of those 52 players whom you and Doggie dreamed up, I would suggest that the 17 who won said game should have first dibs.

Particularly in the halves.

Now, Mitchell Pearce is in good form and appears to be a top fellah who’s turned a corner. Respect.

But if you pick Mitchell Pearce I will hunt you down for meat, and sell your pelt.

Luke Keary? Fine form for the Chooks playing with Pearce.

I love the froth and bother of Josh Reynolds, and the hot-pronking action of my man Blake Austin. I love Blake Austin.

But our halves have got to be: Matt Moylan at 6, James Maloney at 7. And that’s just it.

The former is the next Darren Lockyer – high-skilled and cool, great hands and feet, ability to perform in the game’s biggest stages. Moylan is an absolute gun, and he’ll frighten Queensland with his feet. He reminds me of you.

Maloney, meanwhile, is a winner. He’s smart, competitive, tough. Has long and short kicking game. It has to be Maloney. And it has to be Moylan.

And that’s just it. Talk to the hand.

And you can put Jack Bird on the bench because he’s a ripper, Jack Bird. And if not him my man Austin. You need penetration. You need fear.

I had a yarn with Paul Vautin once, he said Queenslanders are afraid of players who attack them. Bird and Austin attack like angry birds. It’s important.

Elsewhere? Jimmy Tedesco is an attacking superman. He’s your fullback. Don’t even think, Laurie, about putting Josh Dugan there, or ‘Turbo’ Tommy Trbojevic, or my man Jack Wighton though I hope his day comes one day because he’s a gun.

No – just put Teddy at fullback and be done and done. Okay? Thanks.

Wing men! Blake Ferguson’s grown up and busted out, and is a weapon on the flank. Of course he’s a centre. But he goes grouse on the wing. So leave him there, the great leaping muscle man. He’s good.

Brett Morris gets the other flank. He won’t let you down and can run like the proverbial hairy goat afire. The Moz boys go grouse.

That said, grouse as he goes Josh Morris won’t figure for us this year. If it were up to me it’d be Jarrod Croker and Joey Leilua in the centres. Those guys have been shredding for the Raiders, and Croker kicks goals, and points in Origin are premium.

But I know you’ll go with Dugan and Micky Jennings, and it’s hard to argue with those guys given they’re incumbent winners and that’s my criterion, largely, for this XVII.

Do Duges and Micky Jet Shoes it is.

And so into the engine room and onto the bench, and, again, we reward the meat-men from last year.

Old Gal is toast and that’s a good thing. Truly. He trucks it up, hits hard, earns big metres, lot of respect. But he was two seasons too long.

We actually won the bloody series in 2014, and Big Gal did plenty. But he was 33 years old then. Should’ve retired from reps on the spot. Given a punk a go in his stead. Another story.

Punks? Shannon Boyd must – must, Laurie, must – play, if not start, in the front-row. He is a fair dinkum monster. People fear him, Laurie. They actually fear him, like a shark or an evil clown, or a scary movie.

Thunder thighs. Lick of pace. Mal’s picked him for Australia. And you must pick him for NSW.

And if you don’t there we will be very great rage.

You may throw Aaron Woods in the other starting spot, with Jimmy Tamou, Dave Klemmer and Andrew Fifita thundering off the bench to run centre and edge and a combination thereof.

I like our big rigs in the pigs.

Starting back-row? Easy – Wade Graham, Boyd Cordner, Tyson Frizell. It’s unfair, of course, on Josh Jackson, another I like a lot.

But hard decisions have to be made, Laurie, as Trent Merrin would tell you. And JJ is no Kid Dynomite.

Only place I’m worried about – and pretty much the only place I’m going to go against the Pick Roughly The Same Mob That Won doctrine – is hooker.

Now, I love Robbie Farah, as we all do. Top fellah. But see Gal. Faz’s best days are done.

People like that Damien Cook, and Nathan Peats has game. And they reckon Peter Wallace is going well for Penrith, though Penrith isn’t going that well …

Thing is Laurie, I can’t pick any of them.

I hate us at nine.

So for some left-field thinking in a ‘Bring Back Alfie From England Even Though He’s 37’ mould, I give you the NSW Blues new hooker.

Mitchell Pearce.

Ha!

Just jokes.

Or are they…?

Hell – why not Mitchell Pearce? Good service out of dummy-half. Slippery feet around the ruck. Tough enough to rack up the tackles.

Something to think about.

Tough? Maybe Josh Reynolds could bop about at nine. His gig at hooker would be dish to the pigs and go yourself, and back up. All of which he can do, with passion.

And he’ll harass and bash Cameron Smith.

But then he’s a wily one, Smith. You get perfection in his work every game. Simple stuff done well. He’s a pain in the arse. Not much we can do except attempt, as ever, to hurt him.

So step up J.Reynolds.

Okay!

There you have it.

And here you have it also.

1. James Tedesco
2. Blake Ferguson
3. Michael Jennings
4. Josh Dugan
5. Brett Morris
6. Matt Moylan
7. James Maloney
8. Aaron Woods
9. Josh Reynolds
10. Shannon Boyd
11. Tyson Frizell
12. Boyd Cordner
13. Wade Graham
14. Jack Bird
15. Andrew Fifita
16. David Klemmer
17. James Tamou

18. Blake Austin