Origin time legally requires us to fulfil two obligations: magnifying the trivial and over-glorifying Queenslanders.
So because I don’t want to go to gaol, I’ll fill my quota by highlighting the magic of Mal Meninga as an international coach.
Forget the team of Immortals on auto-pilot and New Zealand’s staggering decline, he is the sole reason the Kangaroos have arrested their slide to the fatal darkness of number two in the world.
Make no mistake, besides Michael Hagan and a radical increase in match payments, he is singularly responsible for rescuing a doomed brand from imminent decay.
Meninga has restored pride in the national jersey with a number of forward-thinking innovations that nearly even justify his full-time role.
He has introduced ballsy policy by banning expendable criminals, while also continuing to bravely wade in to head-to-head battles against stiff opposition like David Kidwell and Fiji.
But his proudest accomplishment has to be driving a Kangaroos culture of unity and class.
The former Queensland overlord has rebuilt the crumbling empire on buzzy business words that have no place in the sheds, advocating “professionalism” and “togetherness” and stuff.
He urges his men to act like grown-ups, even showing the way forth by abstaining from pouring his own beers at the Normanby Hotel.
(AAP Image/Paul Miller)
Meninga has also strived to extinguish the factionalism between Queensland and New South Wales that has anchored the Kangaroos to the top of the rankings for too long.
These values are no more apparent than in the advert for Fox Sports’ Queenslanders Only program where the Australian coach wears a maroon gown and brands Paul Gallen and Andrew Fifita as “cheats” and “grubs.”
Some may see insulting your own players as inappropriately divisive, but these people wouldn’t know diplomacy if it squelched a bum-press on their windscreen.
This is Meninga proudly displaying his pride for the Australian jersey, embracing everything it encompasses exclusively north of Ballina.
Think of it as him metaphorically opening his heart to Australia with a proud rendition of the Kangaroos team song “Yippy Yippy Yi”.
Some may selfishly wish their time-rich national coach would present an unbiased front. Others may stupidly believe he should be spending his spare time more wisely, perhaps trying to conceal any conflicts of interest.
These are probably the same people unaware that the Berlin Wall didn’t fall until the West Germans called the East “mugs” and spray-painted the cement with a provocative “#OneInARow”.
This is surely Meninga’s zenith as ambassador, surpassing the time he deliberately gave Wayne Bennett the shits.
Best of all, it’s not like Fifita and Gallen are dangerously unhinged individuals who won’t stew on this for days while pulling the wings off flies.
Meninga’s $300,000 salary provides so much more than beating up on tiny island nations a handful of times each year. It’s the culture of harmony, the vibe of open arms for all Australian footballers from Cairns all the way down to Robina.
In fact, his conduct in high office is so impressive, he should really try politics.
Thank you, Mal, for fostering Kangaroos harmony by welcoming the cheats and grubs.
Tim Gore
Expert
It beggars belief
Tim Gore
Expert
He knows.
Squidward
Roar Rookie
I wonder if Michael Hagan slips pieces of paper for Mal to help him out during QLDers Only
Jeff dustby
Guest
Qld are the good guys. The most honest and hard working people on earth
Jeff dustby
Guest
Where is Yvonne Sampson from?
Jeff dustby
Guest
Yeah right Where is fatty vautin, Lockyer, Wally and the big marn from ? You guys just make stuff up to feel like a victim
Jeff dustby
Guest
Pot kettle shark attach
Jeff dustby
Guest
They love league more than us? It's a decisive show Maybe there should be a Polynesians only show?
Judge Holden
Roar Guru
It's a phenomenal program. I think the advertisements are pure gold. Justin Hodges does like the sound of his own voice though.
Sideline
Guest
I was going to say, Byron and Tweed shires will not be so happy to be included with the Queenslanders.
E-Meter
Guest
I honestly don't think NSW cares about any other state and that's because they don't rate them. Especially that Victorian mob.
Mitcher
Guest
I'm just here to see those from both sides who get their knickers tied up over an obvious wind up. I love origin!
E-Meter
Guest
Rats and filth
Rellum
Roar Guru
I miss the days of the QLD footy show, I have not seen this show yet but if they cover the QRL then I wish it was on instead of the "Broncos insider" or the other football shows nine have on at 1pm on a Sunday.
Jimmmy
Guest
Like Donald Tump with Fox News I never miss an episode . Watching something that panders to your biases , that strokes your prejudices and that confirms your world view may not be the healthiest of activities but it sure feels good.
Nat
Roar Guru
As opposed to 95% of the NSW biased garbage currently on our TV footy panels. Were you expecting Mal to disassociate himself with the QLD team? He creates a QLD juggernaut only for NSW reporters to assert he does nothing as coach. He sets standards and just maybe those mugs, thugs and proven drug cheats should be called out. It is refreshing to see some biased commentary Qlds way for a change. I'm sure Home and Away catch up is on if you don't like it.
Sharkattack
Guest
NSW are hypocrites and total experts at throwing stones at glass houses. They accuse QLD CONSTANTLY about a chip on their shoulder, Ummm have any of you been here? The chip(no, sorry concrete block) is the NSW shoulder....they think everybody hates them, well you're hard to like !!!!! Keep your gobs shut for a change and let's see how it turns out
Magnus M. Østergaard
Roar Guru
Ah yes, the good old sliced ham manouvering.
up in the north
Roar Rookie
Did he really call Gallen & Fifita cheats and grubs? Wonder how anyone could label those two pillars of morality like that.
MrJSquishy
Roar Pro
I just had to check Google Maps...thankfully I'm marginally North of Ballina (although inland). I was starting to think Mal wasn't including me as a Queenslander! Phew, bloody close...