2018 Super Rugby fashion review, part two

The Sunwolves will definitely set the standard for wildness in 2018, as I outlined in part one of the fashion review, but the rest of the Super Rugby family is a bit of a mixed bag.

The Blues
The Blues are my Kiwi team, but I am not a fan of their 2018 jerseys. They are less blue, unserious and in no way intimidating. They played best when they sported a reserved, darker blue strip. The brighter and lighter their costumes, the sillier their rugby.

The home jersey for 2018 is an impressionistic take on the ridges surrounding the volcano that stands above Auckland’s Mount Eden. But that volcano is dormant, so all we have is a distressed, acid-washed pattern of impotence.

The away shirt is better because it’s dark blue instead of the more predictable white and channels fire and ash from a volcano, which is theoretically active. We can call these jerseys the Emo Luatua Edition.

The Reds
The Queensland Reds are my Australian team. I am excited about the maroon heritage jersey, with a sharp white collar. The home jersey is not much of a change, but it is a little darker than before, which is a welcome ‘change’. Any patterns are sublimated, as should be the case for any rugby uniform.

But the big news is the heritage jersey. The Reds front office extols the raglan sleeve design with contrast underarm mesh panelling, the lightweight two-way stretch base cloth, the tapered v-neck collar with reinforced herringbone tape, the silicon gel chest logos, the drop hem finish and the sleeve cuffs.

But it’s just a beautiful, old-school colour and shape. Look sharp, play sharp. Well done, Reds. I believe Sheek will approve.

The Jaguares
There is nothing wrong with the Jaguares uniforms, really. Channelling the elegance and grace of a predatory feline, the Argentines always look like dashing dudes as the game starts. In fact these are probably the most flattering jerseys in the competition. Even the beef-fed props from Salta look svelte.

The subtle, almost invisible hoops of the dark version are probably the best in the competition. The trouble starts when they don their yellowish jerseys. Referees see yellow, and you know what happens next.

Tomas Levanini is in a three-man competition with the All Blacks skipper and flyhalf and the Australian captain to garner the most cards, but he has a unique advantage over Kieran Read and Michael Hooper with his garish card-inspired strip.

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The Rebels
The main point of the Rebels was to not be the Force, then become the Force. So nobody has bothered to make a jersey for 2018.

If it’s like 2017, it will be the busiest of the Australian jerseys, with a very respectable hoop design reminiscent of Kiwi clubs just below Super Rugby level and a bit larrikin in colour, with Victorian navy blue and white key ingredients, but I am not sure why red always comes in.

Five stars will adorn the chest, representing respect, excellence, balance, ethos and leadership. Perhaps the five stars should just represent the fact that Melbourne has better hotels and bistros than Perth and that Rugby Australia prefers to party there.

The Waratahs
Australian teams for the most part favour a simple approach to jerseys. The Reds are almost always red, even if they dabble with being less maroon than they should. The Brumbies are going back to the future this year, and the 2018 Waratahs are taking the classic approach this year as well.

Yes, they will have the best spandex-infused technology, with high yokes and indestructible webbing. Nobody has ever torn or pulled a modern Aussie’s jersey off, as seems to happen to Saffas every week (Jean Deysel, Eben Etzebeth, and Vincent Koch are recent examples of players who enhanced their reputations by having their cheap jerseys pulled off).

But the silhouette and colour blocking of the Tahs home jersey is impeccably old-school, with Cambridge blue their main sight, no silly patterns and navy blue the secondary shade. The state flower is tastefully depicted; there’s no surreal Kiwi artwork, even if Kiwis made this jersey.

The main point of the Tahs strip is to not be Queensland maroon, and the home version is a good, stark contrast. But the away jersey is a bit more red than you would expect given the raison d’etre of Sydney rugby.

Of interest to a man like Sheek, if New South Wales were really to go old-school with their jerseys, they’d sport heather green.