With its early interest in canning the entire NRL 2020 season, it is clear Channel Nine has rugby league’s best interests at heart.
So with this in mind, and the broadcaster’s intimate knowledge of the league’s flaws as publicly highlighted by an unidentified spokesperson, why not just hand them the keys for the entire operation?
Let’s be frank, Nine deserves it. It is more critical to rugby league than anything, even rugby league. And after all, the game has only ever existed since 1908 because it was on telly.
With the network undermining the NRL during lockdown via a battery of calculated and sustained attacks, it has reinforced its position alongside the Murdoch press as one of rugby league’s premier media partners.
Considering its naked disdain of rugby league, where better for control of the NRL than Nine, the self-appointed Home of Rugby League?
If coronavirus has taught us anything, it’s this: despite its small role staging competitions, managing clubs and generating a product of exponential popularity growth, the NRL is now redundant in rugby league.
After becoming irreversibly entangled with broadcasters after years of over-reliance on booming rights values – an unsettling financial model unlike its previous of pokies and fines – networks have now emerged as the new Kevin Humphreys.
By cutting out the middle man and giving Channel Nine full control of rugby league, not only would this formalise the current arrangement, it would also allow the NRL to streamline costs by cutting the NRL.
Additionally, giving Nine control would not only finally eventuate in James Bracey coaching the Gold Coast Titans, it would also see a raft of new innovations introduced to benefit the game’s most important cohort- Nine shareholders.
Phil Gould (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)
This would see kickoffs so late they’ll start after COVID-20, breaks in play for the 6 o’clock news, and four quarter football, which will involve four quarters broken in to four quarters to increase advertising volume, giving every match that big ‘Origin’ feel.
Nine will also ensure the poorer rating teams in the competition get a fair go, boosting their viewership with three marquee players each, with one confirmed as Karl Stefanovic.
If this idea were to tank, programmers would still show the Titans, Warriors and Test match football the respect they believe they deserve – on delay, on GEM. But only if space can be cleared among repeats of the Golden Girls.
As for the tired joke about the Broncos playing on Fridays, that will change. They will now play Friday double headers, plus every Sunday night after 60 Minutes and at 5am weekdays to boost flagging ratings of The Today Show.
Nine will also use control of the NRL to reconnect with that oft-mistreated section of fans- old men.
With games no longer interrupted to cross to Moonee Valley because society has unfortunately evolved from the 1970’s, the broadcaster will go one better and get Ray Hadley to call every set of six like a Group One.
You can feel the terrestrial TV ratings skyrocketing at the mere thought.
And if things go belly-up, Channel Nine can simply do what its been preparing to do all year, and that’s abandon rugby league altogether.
Not only would this rightfully allow Bangladesh and Zimbabwe to clash on the main channel in cricket’s World T20 Cup, it would save the game upwards of $120m, because that’s the inconvenient cost of the four highest rating shows of the year, and thawing Ray Warren twice a week from cryogenic freezing.
So in summary, the NRL’s time in rugby league is up. Let’s cut losses, and let Channel Nine run the game – for the good of the game.
The Late News
Roar Rookie
I bet.
mama
Guest
They run NRL as they run their newspaper now - the SMH has been full of the same stories about a start date for 4 weeks and its a cut and paste every day. So lets have all games replaced on TV by previous season games and the boring ones can just have "highlights" added in with the jerseys "photoshopped" to the right colours eg every game could have the Brooky stoush between Storm/Manly or the Wally lewis/Mark geyer conflict in SOO etc or a thrilling second half comeback where a team is trailing by 20 points at half-time (the bookies and Harrigans favourite!) gets up to win in last minute . Save the channel heaps!
The Late News
Roar Rookie
Four quarters broken into four quarters! Hilarious. Cryogenic thawing of Rabs...even funnier. Well done Dane!
westernred
At last some common sense. Finally Andrew Johns will get his greatest wish; to wipe out 6 of the club's and hand all those territories to the AFL. Obviously something 9 has been toying with for years.
The real SC
Roar Rookie
As much as I dislike Nine's NRL coverage, I would think it's a good idea for Channel 9 to run the NRL. Bec Maddern be the make-up expert, Ben Fordham be the chief cameraman, Joey Johns as lecturer of Nine, The Big Marn as secretary of NRL. How good would that be?
Officer59
Roar Rookie
I'd send Johns, Lockyer & Fittler back to school with Slater! The 3 of them can't string a proper sentence together.......dahhhhh which way did he go.
Officer59
Roar Rookie
What legends lololol.
Clanger McClunk
Guest
Wow!! Ch9 running Rugby League. RL Utopia for sure. Brad Fittler CEO having the office staff running across the grass each morning to feel the earth beneath their toes. That'll get 'em revved up for the day. Then we have Phil Gould managing director of the BSD, (bullsh!t department), Joey Johns a shoe in for social director, Darren Lockyer voiceover specialist, Fatty Vautin make-up director, Erin Molin car park attendant, Ray Warren senior citizen liaison officer, Billy Slater sent back to school to learn the meaning of words he uses, James Bracey publicity officer, and Sterlo, Poor old Sterlo, he's a class above the rest and doesn't deserve to be thrown with them. The best game analyst of them all.
TIGER MIKE
Guest
Haha yes that's the best way forward!! Love your art tickle Dane as always plus I hope they keep my favourite commentator Phil Gould is not a one team spokesman he always supported the Tiges on TV maybe not against the other Cats but he was usually funny especially against the Bunny Rabbs who let it be said must have only been kept on because he was friends with KP who for a time ruled 9 from the grave st of plateaus They would also include my favourite coach after the game commentator Wayne he would be great up against Phil and all the rest Bring it on!
Stevo
Guest
Apparently you're right they did, the game went down hill once the football club committee's run by "old boys" were usurped and handed over to "business professionals". Inclusivity and diversity agendas might give a certain type of person a warm fuzzy feeling and prevent them from being offended for a while, but if it is an act of charity and doesn't pay it's way, it cannot be carried in current circumstances or for the foreseeable future. Even this years NRL publicity campaign was pale copy of the one generated by the ARL under the leadership of old boy ex footballers. I think that was the last one fronted by a woman performer....how diverse of them!
JOHN ALLAN
Guest
Looking at hypotheticals. Would Elvis still be popular if he was alive today? How would Channel 9 be travelling if Kerry Packer was still at the helm? Questions we will never know the answers to. Thoughts.
Noosa Duck
Roar Rookie
yep ! channel 9 are going great guns with the radio station they recently acquired, microphones at 50 paces between commentators . They cannot even get their own core business running well let alone a radio network nor the NRL. Enjoyed the read Dane but not even in jest please.
Big Daddy
Guest
Brad Fittler could be in charge of Media Relations. Andrew John's could be in charge of Health and Safety. Fatty could be the cleaner as he's had plenty of experience. Gould would definitely be CEO with a 5 year plan. We could get Karl to call the games. Erin Molan could be head of ??? . I really don't know. Sterlo should retire as why would he want to be involved with that lot.
Knocka
Roar Rookie
I see where this is heading, said Phil. I can tell what they are thinking. Nine should build their own stadium at the Nine studios in Sydney and all games should be played there on after the other, which would save Nine from moving their old team of has beens around the country. And since Nine would own the competition, it would become the NineRL and the clubs would be the Canterbury Nine Bulldogs, Wests Nine Tigers etc. And there will only be nine players per team and the number of teams in the NineRL will be reduced to nine. If News Ltd want to enter their Brisbane News Broncos in NineRL, they will have to pay NineRL $9m per season, which they will reject, and run off the Brisbane to start the News Super League at their own stadium, poaching the 7 clubs not forming part of the NineRL and adding another club in Los Angeles, so Lachlan can have his own team. Oh well, we always knew that professional sport is just entertainment....
JOHN ALLAN
Guest
I thought by the headline you were serious then realized it was pure sarcasm. You had me fooled. Had the heading been "Erin Molan should be CEO" I would have realised straight away it was a joke. I can recall the Friday night game on replay crammed with ads. Didn't watch it much as I obtained live coverage on the radio or Internet plus it used to finish late. One game I noticed that there was a try in the 1st or 2nd minute then 5 minutes of ads. Head of Channel 9 once stated "people prefer NRL on delay as they like to shop & have tea first". Utter BS & the Channel is BS too. Have to watch it for SOO however I ensure the TV is muted.
George
Guest
Dane, I apologise as I took your story heading seriously and had to calm down and meditate for a while before I actually read your article. Thanks goodness you were being ironic. As long as no one with any association with, or sympathy for, Channel 9 becomes the new CEO, all will be well. I'm sure my eyesight would be better if those buggers had allowed us to watch sport in HD years earlier, like they could have.
George
Guest
I watch Channel 9 for Grand Finals and Origin, nothing else. Some have mentioned Phil Gould as the next CEO, if that happens, I'll try to get interested in another sport. Imagine him being unbiased? I can't.
JGK
Roar Guru
Does anyone know how much all the old legends get paid to sit around and talk about the game on Nine for a couple of hours a week?
kk
Roar Pro
Hi Dane, Let us not forget that CH9 telecasts under the protective cover of anti-siphoning laws. A snapshot of CEO, Hugh Marks reads as follows; Hugh's leadership is embedded in a culture of high performance,creativity,innovation and focused execution. What we have seen to date indicates that the best is yet to come because Hugh seems to has been operating to an Indian Railways timetable. Ch9 and Fox have both run into financial headwinds. We are in for some timely changes on what appears on our screens. The telecast presentation needs to stay in touch with the continuing high standard of play. Maybe, Rugby League needs a Ben Chifley.
Paul
Roar Guru
But Dane, if you did this, you'd kill off one of the major growth industries and success stories on the east coast - those who make a seriously good living complaining about the NRL. Maybe the answer is to keep a cardboard cut out of Greenberg, so every time Channel 9 makes a stupid decision about rugby league, Gould and co can throw verbal darts, all the while telling everyone what they'd do better if they were in charge - which they would be.