Last week a Donald Trump rally was derailed by an online ruse from teenage TikTok users and K-Pop fans.
But if they want to disrupt something that will really satisfy the public, they should attempt the Roosters’ three-peat.
After vanquishing June premiers Parramatta on the weekend, experts agree nothing can stop the Roosters from another premiership. Not a sophisticated cyber-attack, Korean music groupies, or even something more unlikely, like an NRL team.
On current form, 2020 will be recalled as the time Trent Robinson’s side renewed their premiership defence like a parking spot, turning up on grand final day to stamp their ticket for another 12 months before returning to the car to be envied by everyone else going around in circles.
While another title for us spoilt Roosters supporters will be indifferently labelled as “so 2018”, opposition fans will have their stay extended in an endless dystopia – and it will easily be the worst thing that has happened this year.
(Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)
Is there anything that can stop the reigning premiers that isn’t already on their roster? Or under research for a vaccine?
Rival fans sensed the dynasty was over when the club began the year with back-to-back losses, but it was a false dawn despite no Cooper Cronk, no Latrell Mitchell, no home ground, no fans and no room in the cabinet.
In the face of pandemics and rule changes, the Tricolours have resumed business as usual: dignified beatings of various severity. They still can’t be topped, even with the benevolence of Nick Politis allowing every other club to keep their competition points.
Throughout history, you can never count on the foundation club being down too long. But even by their own standards, this is getting ridiculous. There are infants walking this earth who’ve never experienced the feeling of blaming Mitchell Pearce.
While the ’80s and ’90s were best known for a soft underbelly of excess torpor rates and corporates, now their only danger is themselves – that being either complacency, or Vic Radley folding teammates at training.
Saturday’s clash with the Eels was billed as a test, and it certainly delivered. In a finals-like match that was in the balance throughout, Brad Arthur’s side were dominant throughout and led with 20 minutes to go, whereas the Roosters won 13-plus.
In addition to spending the final 20 minutes minus James Tedesco, the back-to-back champs also endured 48 hours less preparation time because, according to Aiden Tolman’s fierce lockdown directive, the Bulldogs had spent the previous week partying with Novak Djokovic.
Credit where it’s due, the Eels undoubtedly proved themselves as an outfit that could definitely lose this year’s grand final.
(Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)
But Robinson’s men were rarely concerned by them throughout the 80 minutes, much in the same way they haven’t been for the last 30 years.
So what makes the Roosters way better than your bunch of losers?
It’s a dirty topic, but they recruit like the Russian mafia – using ruthlessness, frugality, and an autocrat. They seek to improve on the run, whereas clubs like the Titans adopt unique strategies like getting rid of their best player to pay more for someone inferior.
The Chooks then pimp their roster with superb premiership cornerstones like the Morris twins, before complementing these superstars with valuable bit-part players like Cooper Cronk and Sonny Bill Williams, thus allowing X-factors like Mitch Aubusson to run amok.
At the heart of the operation is Trent Robinson, some guy from Super League who played three games off the bench. After all these years of stereotyping, it’s hardly a shock the club’s mojo was unlocked by a cigarette-smoking, French-speaking renaissance man.
In summary, engrave the Provan-Summons with another ESDRLFC – because they can’t peak too early if they’re peaking all the time.
*taps side of forehead* *readjusts beret* *cracks victory can in June*
But never fear – there is a light at the end of the tunnel for the rest of the competition. Synergy tells me the Roosters’ domination is definitely going to end, probably by the time of COVID-20.
Crow
Roar Pro
Wow your getting excited. The Roosters are the current benchmark but they are beatable. There sure are some threats to the Roosters 2020 campaign. Please consider that Canberra and Parramatta are firing well and the Panthers are putting in some solid performances. The round eight game of Parramatta v Canberra was a great showcase of two big, strong and skilful teams. I think it has the Chooks looking over their shoulder. I think injuries have already made your plight harder. Victor Radley (knee, season), Sam Verrills, (knee, season), and Billy Smith (knee, season). I say again, they are good but beatable.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
Three grand final wins in a row is impressive even if they were lucky to get number two but it is small compared to the Saints eleven in a row. Some say the rules were changed to help defeat them and it was Easts who voted with the others to add Cronulla-Sutherland that would deprive Saints of juniors like Norm Provan. You could understand Easts with few juniors wanting to cut Saints down to their level as they were very weak from 1946-1966.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
The 1975 premiership was very lucky thanks to St.George captain coach playing despite being badly injured. Even at half time Saints, down 0-5, were a good chance to win if they played their reserve full-back. The rest of the team gave up after pleading with him to stand down. Langlands ruined his reputation and Easts were the beneficiaries. The 2019 premiership was very lucky thanks to the two referees stuff-up depriving Canberra of the chance to kick a match winning field goal. It was a complete failure of the two referee trial and it was lucky for Easts and it's no surprise they have scrapped the two referees.
kk
Roar Pro
damo, Magnificent profile icon. Best in show candidate. I am now a vegetarian.
damo
Roar Rookie
COVID-20: avian based virus? Big dent in the chook industry - Steggles unable to sponsor - TPAs decline as potential investors find anyone wearing a chook on their shirt suddenly unappealing - Roosters look to change moniker but find Seagulls is strangely TM'd by the Brisbane Bombers enterprise just in case everyone realises their name is crap - Politis finds the Sydney City Pigeons doesn't have the same ring to it on merch as it seemed in the boardroom but facing little alternative pushes ahead hoping it will eventually catch on - as Sydney City push ahead regardless, a hugely successful PR campaign to replace the now unavailable chicken with the much safer alternative of the widely available rabbit in the hearts of Australian consumers sees the situation become dire - a production error which sees a leak of white paint in equipment producing the new "pigeons" graphic ruins millions of dollars worth of aforementioned merch which sees Politis' fortunes tumble - the final straw: big Russ calls big Nick on the QT & offers an uncirculated AUD $1 coin from the last year of the Rooster (2017) & a book of 100 tickets in the Rabbitohs Leagues Club meat tray raffles & an autographed pic to take over the whole kit & kaboodle - Politis drives a hard bargain & retires to live in an undisclosed location on the NSW mid-north coast - emerging reports from the CSIRO indicate that small mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha coming in contact with bats before being sold at rural markets may in fact be the "ground zero" of COVID-20 rather than poultry.....
Paul
Roar Guru
Poor Dane, the trap was baited and you fell into it. We're only 6 rounds into a 20 round season and already Dane's cruelled his teams chances, by declaring them absolute certainties to win the premiership. I hope you've done a few other things to help out the other 15 teams, like cashing in your ticket early on a Roosters premiership, pre-ordering your Roosters 2020 premiership winners t-shirt, celebrating the Roosters premiership in July by having a 48 hour bender and getting another line added to the obligatory Roosters premiership winners tattoo. I wonder if it's easier to cross out a tattoo that says "Easts premiership" 2020 and put "Raiders premiership 2020" underneath, or simply go to an Eastern Suburbs laser fat removal joint and have the tat removed?
ppa19696837
Roar Rookie
Another Luke Keary concussion (Allah forbid) may destroy this satirical narration!!! I do remember being envious of other great teams in the past… people forget our bad days, they forget how the draft was over turned by the then cashed up Magpies pursuit of Terry Hill…who’s fans now call for a draft to save them.. My dad was always saying throughout the 80s and 90s that he wont see another premiership since the 75 win….but here he is at 85 years old and has another 4…some people just want to see their team in the semis let alone a GF let alone winning one!!! Thank god Paddington was a working class migrant melting pot when my old man arrived for Malta, fell in love with the game and bestowed on us his love for this great club!!! (Even though we ended up growing up near Parrismatta where we endured years of watching my class mates celebrating in the 80s …some have recently just re-surfaced!!!)
kk
Roar Pro
Oops 2018-2028. The nightmares start in the daytime.
kk
Roar Pro
Beautiful piece of work. Dane. I keep having nightmares that Nick Politis plotted with fellow Kytherian Peter V'Landys to introduce the '6 again' rule, ensuring eleven years straight premierships, 2019 - 2029. Strewth!
Big Daddy
Guest
Dane, you smooth tongued devil. Uncle Nick will be banging down your doors with the keys to a brand new Ford, Mercedes who knows aaand a seat in the corporate box. I don't know how you do it.
kk
Roar Pro
That's as perfect as a Sam Snead golf swing.
Flexis
Roar Rookie
“can’t peak too early if they’re peaking all the time” He’s done it. That crazy s-o-b has done it
Kman
Roar Rookie
This is hilarious, Dane, and I say that as a hurting Eels fan :laughing: Unfortunately, I agree with everyone you (humourously) say and predict!! The Eels are in the battle for 2nd place only. Lock in the 3-peat :crying:
Andy F
Roar Rookie
Some people are going to read this the wrong way but I thought it was very funny. Loved the Mitchell Pearce reference and the Eels proving themselves as a team that can lose this year’s grand final. Jokes aside it looks to me that the lockdown did the Roosters a favour. Coming off a long pre-season and the world club challenge they looked a cm or 2 off the pace in rounds 1 & 2. Robbo would also have been planning for a long season with SOO interruptions. Instead they get a shortened season. They had to start the new season at pace and they certainly look the most refreshed side. I don’t think they’re a shoe in for the premiership but I certainly like their chance better because of the shortened season (despite a crappy draw). This weekend against STI could be a banana skin game but the Roosters look ruthless this year. Barring injuries I reckon they’ll be there when the whips are cracking.