Imagine your team wins the premiership. That would be a great season.
Now imagine your most disliked team also gets the spoon. That’s an even greater season.
Finally, imagine all sixteen teams magically finishing in your preferred ranking order. That … would be a perfect season!
Perfect seasons don’t happen very often, in fact it’s likely there’s never been one.
That’s because the laws of probability are stacked so heavily against it.
If you start with the assumption that all teams are equal, then there are sixteen factorial permutations of the table.
This is a very large number, nearly 21 trillion possible arrangements. So your preferred final placings are almost guaranteed to never happen.
But of course not all teams are created equal. Some have a more flexible approach to the salary cap than others, and some are not the Titans.
Of course next year with seventeen teams the task will be even more impossible, which is just the sort of challenge I enjoy.
Here’s my perfect 2023 season.
A first-up premiership for the Dolphins (1). They’ve been recruiting very hard and deserve some reward for their efforts.
Wayne Bennett will be the first coach of the Dolphins. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)
The Broncos (2) are my team until next year. I really like Brisbane, but tend to think they’ve won more than their fair share, and it would be nice if someone else, like the Titans, had a turn.
Yes, the Gold Coast (3) are currently my second team, and I always have a good chuckle whenever they beat NSW sides. I just hope one of my great grandkids lives long enough to see them win a title.
I’m also keen on the South Queensland Storm (4) just because everyone loves a winner.
Coming in fifth are the Queensland Raiders. Someone once randomly gave me a pair of their socks and then all my friends sort of assumed I was a Canberra fan and eventually they gave me a jersey which came in very handy on grand final day in 1989.
I do like to see them win, but must admit Ricky Stuart’s press conferences are more fun when they lose.
I put the Cowboys as a reluctant sixth. I’m still a bit annoyed about the 2015 grand final.
Warriors get my seventh ranking. I’ve always admired the way they are not from NSW.
Parramatta were my team back in ancient times (before Broncos) but because they didn’t join Super League I have to push the Eels into 10th spot, below Cronulla (8) and Canterbury (9).
I enjoyed the Raiders win in the greatest grand final ever (1989), but have always had a soft spot for the Tigers (11). If there was any justice in this game Blocker and Benny would have at least one premiership.
I occasionally surprise myself these days by cheering for Manly (12) something I couldn’t have imagined a few years ago. They used to have a great cast of villains … John Hopoate, the Stewarts, Tony Watmough, Steve Matai … but seem a much nicer bunch now.
Souths (13) showed a lot of resilience to come back from the dead so I don’t begrudge them the occasional win against their Sydney rivals.
Newcastle (14) have strong working class credentials and all that, but I’m still bitter their half-back was named an Immortal ahead of the great Alfie Langer.
By the time he retires Langer will have spent more than 50 years behind the Broncos forwards barking instructions. That’s as close to immortal as any player will ever get.
I often watch the Roosters (15) play and wish the whole team, with the exception of Sam Walker and Lindsay Collins, would suddenly fall in a ditch.
My brother is a St George (16) supporter. He jumped on the bandwagon just after their lucky run in the sixties and was unbearable in 77 and 79, so I’m always happy to see them struggle.
Which leaves Penrith (17). I think we’ve all had enough of that human pyramid after every try.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
Yes you've summed it up quite well. They found themselves riding the crest of a wave and stayed there by keeping their team together while adding the best player in the game each year. John Rapper, Kevin Ryan, Graeme Langlands, Barry Beath. Eddie Lumsden played in nine grand finals. They weren't fully professional and many settled for less money to play in a winning team. Frank Facer kept their wages secret. It's all in the past with Illawarra providing most of the players today.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
Yes you've summed it up quite well. They found themselves riding the crest of a wave and stayed there by keeping their team together while adding the best player in the game each year. John Raper, Kevin Ryan, Graeme Langlands, Barry Beath. Eddie Lumsden played in nine grand finals. They weren't fully professional and many settled for less money to play in a winning team. Frank Facer kept their wages secret. It's all in the past with Illawarra providing most of the players today.
David Roderick
Roar Rookie
I think they were lucky to have some initial success that put them in a position to be an appealing club to the better players in Qld and NSW country. If think they were lucky to have large juniors (before the introduction of Cronulla in 1967). I think they were lucky to have the resources to entice the best young player in the game to leave Newtown and then sit out a year in order to play for them. They were lucky there was no salary cap.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
St George had a lucky run in the sixties. Why do you think luck had anything to do with it?
David Roderick
Roar Rookie
Yes, not too many tears in lounge rooms across the land if Gould, Johns and Ennis went missing, but I would be shattered if Vossy went. He is always positive, quirky, and a real old school train-spotter who never takes the game or himself too seriously. Just think of all the stuff we might have missed if it wasn't for Vossy!
Maxtruck
Roar Rookie
Slater and Lockyer go to Fox Ennis and Voss go to Nine Nine looses broadcast rights, no more Gould, Johns, Ennis or Voss
Phil
Roar Rookie
Panthers. you're taking the p!$$ of course. It's wonderful that the Dolphins already have supporters writing articles about them. That's what team support is all about. If you're not taking the p!$$, then it's, sadly, you that is sad. Cheer up mate, Penrith is doing a lot for Rugby League supplying players and coaches to other clubs. You should feel very proud.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
Yes, some Magpies saw the grand final referee Darcy Lawler placing a bet. Wests, the millionaires, were unlucky with the rain.
criag
Roar Rookie
There were also other factors in 1963, according to Wests fans.
Tim Buck 3
Roar Rookie
St George had a lucky run in the sixties. Why do you think luck had anything to do with it? In 1963 Wests had beaten them three times but the grand final was a mud bath that removed Wests’ superiority. In 1964 Balmain failed to find touch and their defence was walking to the scrum when Langlands pulled in the kick and Saints’ potent left side exploited the unlucky tired defence.
Chris
Guest
Not sure when West’s will appear in that GF? However, I agree with you on that. Even if Tigers supporters ( with their real hate of Ivan ) struggle to accept any support from their western neighbours supporters. Though, the only way I would ever like any success to come for the Dolphins. Would be a when they are Bennett ‘less’ club, playing against the Bronco’s in a GF. Or maybe against the Roosters? As horrible it is to have any Queensland team in GF’s that is. :stoked:
criag
Roar Rookie
We’ve all seen a few Roosters fall in ditches untouched and get season-ending injuries….please use your powers more sparingly!
David Roderick
Roar Rookie
Thanks London, I had fun writing the list. I thought it would be easy, but was surprised by how hard it was to finalise the ordering of the vanilla teams in the middle. So glad you wrote 'hate' and not hate. Enjoy your time on top!
Nat
Roar Guru
What and be accountable? It is amazing how many new “fans” show up while their team is going well and disappear when they are not. I remember one that was good for 1000 comments a month…
Adam
Roar Guru
A Panthers fan could even sign up for a username!
Adam
Roar Guru
It really does seem dumb doesn't it...
Tim Carter
Roar Pro
You responded pretty much as I was going to. Both sides paid to defect or stay put. I don't begrudge the Reds switching, since they were compelled to adopt an unsustainable business model to enter the ARL. But they went broke anyway. I only brought it up because the author gave it as a reason in one of the rankings.
London Panther
Roar Rookie
I enjoyed the list David. I really want to want the Dolphins to do well, but I struggle to support Bennett. It’s a bit like the three prequels for Star Wars; it seems like they are supposed to be the good guys, but you know they are going to turn out evil because they are led by a Sith Lord. If Penrith doesn’t win the comp, then my perfect GF would be Parra and WTs, with Parra winning. Both teams have a soft spot for me, but Parra’s drought just wins them my support. Imagine the crowd for that game. Lastly, as Penrith supporter so proud of my team. Only 5-10 years ago we would have been placed 3-8 on this type of list; the ‘vanilla’ plucky underdogs that people don’t really have much of an opinion on. Of course when you win you slip down these lists; trust me it is better than the alternatives. What is most pleasing about it from my perspective is when people are looking for a reason to ‘hate’ us for, it’s not that we killed the game by inventing the wrestle, or we are salary cap cheats, but that our try celebrations are too exuberant.
David Roderick
Roar Rookie
I agree entirely, although I always favour conspiracy theories over logical theories. :happy:
Westie
Guest
Well that’s a little unfair too. To be fair… Parramatta , got 2 sparkling brand new grounds, in the time that Penrith haven’t even had 1 as yet. Plus a new rugby league club facility, new training facilities & land , centre of excellence too. All these extras totally paid for by the government & nrl. So at least Penrith totally paid for their own centre of excellence, when no other club has.