“Desperate times call for desperate measures”. It’s a quote often attributed to Hippocrates, the Greek physician, yet it also succinctly sums up the situation the South Sydney Rabbitohs find themselves in after the opening three rounds of the NRL.
Sitting last on the ladder with no wins, and an horrific for and against of -64, the hands of Bunnies management must surely be hovering over the proverbial panic button.
Which naturally begs the question, what would happen if said button was pressed?
One route Souths should possibly explore is to take a leaf out of the book of the English men’s Test cricket team and adopt their famously infamous ‘Bazball’ strategy.
For the uninitiated, ‘Bazball’ is the nickname given to England’s approach of ultra-aggressive batting at all times, irrespective of the game situation … and of England’s actual talent.
It has certainly provided Test cricket with lots of entertainment, via a mix of audacious stroke-play, and utterly brainless decision-making.
‘Bazball’ comes from the nickname of England’s coach, New Zealander Brendon ‘Baz’ McCullum, who has brain-washed – er, I mean encouraged – his team to play without any fear of failure, and to not worry about such inconsequential things like the scoreboard or results.
Recklessly throwing the ball around and attacking at every opportunity is potentially not the worst strategy for the Rabbitohs to try on the field. Considering what else they have attempted – and failed – it’s certainly worth a shot.
Yet it’s less the tactics of Bazball that Souths should implement, and more the pompous lack of accountability which should become their mantra.
The benefits are endless, and when you begin to list them out, you realise that Bazball might truly be the genius level of thinking that England, especially their skipper Ben Stokes, attempts to not-so-subtly position it as.
The first and most obvious benefit is that any loss can immediately be reframed as a “moral victory”.
Cameron Murray talks his teammates at Allianz Stadium. (Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
It’s a move torn straight from Donald’s Trump’s playbook, where not accepting the result throws all sensible people completely off kilter. This supremely cunning moving of the goalposts – fairly apt for football – ensures you simply can’t lose.
It’s the truest interpretation of the phrase ‘win-win’, and therefore a very savvy option for a team that hasn’t actually won a game yet after three attempts.
Furthermore, when an opponent does get the better of you on that increasingly outdated metric of success – the scoreboard – you can even take credit it for it, by boldly suggesting they were inspired by you and your style of playing.
This is an extremely clever way of taking ownership of a victory … even when victory was not yours.
In fact, why limit yourself to the game just finished (and lost), when Bazball enables you to be about something much bigger: the sport itself. You can wax lyrical about how your approach is saving the game and putting bums on seats and eyeballs on TV.
This belief makes intuitive sense too. After all, who wouldn’t want to watch their footy club play the new ‘Bazball team’? It’s almost a guaranteed win.
Another advantage of Bazball is the licence it affords you to is shrug off bad performances by saying you’re concentrating on the process, not the result. Again, this is a fantastic way to avoid any responsibility for losing.
Yet it also comes with the added benefit of allowing you to pretentiously respond to media questions about the loss in a manner that suggests the poor, dumb, simple, archaic sports journalists just don’t ‘get it’, as your approach is too advanced and cerebral for them.
One of the numbers that should make Souths players incredibly keen to be a part of a Bazball revolution is the number ‘one’. That’s the total amount of batters that have been dropped in the Bazball era, solidifying the notion that there really is no consequences to the adoption of a crazy-aggressive strategy. Lachlan Ilias is reportedly keen to hear more about this approach.
Lastly, when it comes to video referees, much like DRS, if ‘The Bunker’ decision doesn’t suit you, you can whinge about technology and say the sport should “get rid of it”, while conversely, saying absolutely nothing when the outcome helps you.
So, in summary: you can’t lose games, you can take credit for your opponent’s brilliant performances, you can claim you’re growing the sport, you can arrogantly dismiss journalists’ questions and criticism, you can’t get dropped/sacked, whilst you can also pick and choose when you support video technology.
Wow, Bazball really is the ultimate ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card for South Sydney’s coach and players.
With Jason Demetriou on the hot seat and clearly needing to do something radical, he’d be as silly as Bazball itself if he didn’t embrace footy’s version of it.
Heck, he could even rebrand it ‘Bunniezball’.
andrew
Roar Rookie
Feeling a bit nervous today BM? I think the Rabbitohs might be in for a tough afternoon against C-B.
BigGordon
Roar Rookie
Spot on, Albo.
Ryan O'Connell
Expert
Yes, I can confirm it was an attempt at humour, and humour only.
Ryan O'Connell
Expert
Fair. I have two kids, and NEED the parties!
jimmmy
Roar Rookie
Burrowers 1 , jumpers 0.
Brett Allen
Roar Rookie
Mate I got three kids, I’m well past the party stage of my life.
Ryan O'Connell
Expert
I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting a lot of the commentary! You can never pick it, can you?!
Ryan O'Connell
Expert
Sound like you’d be fun at parties, Brett?! :stoked:
Big Mig
Roar Rookie
Hardley world beating was England's bazball, and as much as this article tries hard to make comparisons, I am assuming this is a humorous or satirical piece rather than providing any serious analysis. The assertion that "desperate times call for desperate measures" may be a fitting cliché, but it's a gross oversimplification of the situation facing the Rabbitohs. Resorting to panic and adopting drastic measures like the 'Bazball' strategy is not the solution. It disregards the need for patience, analysis, and trust in the team's abilities to bounce back. The Rabbitohs, like any other sports team facing adversity, need to focus on identifying and rectifying their weaknesses through structured coaching, player development, and tactical adjustments, instead of succumbing to knee-jerk reactions Baz BS.
blacktown leagues
Roar Rookie
Nailed it Brett the problem is not attack its conceding 37 points a game and thats attitude and commitment .Nothing about ability a lot of it is mental
Brett Allen
Roar Rookie
The whole thing
WhoDis
Roar Rookie
Actually to be fair Souths supporters probably span the whole political spectrum and then some. You’d have your craft beer swilling Albo worshippers and then you’d have your VB-longneck at 20 to 8 in the morning types who would be more at home at a MAGA rally
mushi
Roar Guru
Even more surprising was the emotional Bunnies supporter who was more rabid about Trump. The Mark Coyne try was more expected
mushi
Roar Guru
Which part did you think wasn't written from a satirical point of view?
BigGordon
Roar Rookie
You're going to win more games than you lose playing this way but not sure it's a recipe for an NRL premiership. It's certainly a really entertaining way to play footy though
Horses for Courses
Roar Rookie
I think you have to expect the unexpected with these people.
Brett Allen
Roar Rookie
Because their method was quickly worked out by Q Cup opponents. No NRL club would ever take that kind of risk.
Brett Allen
Roar Rookie
Actually their philosophy was keep possession for as long as possible, even run backwards if necessary to keep it alive. It was quickly solved.
Brett Allen
Roar Rookie
I might be, but I don’t think the article was entirely comedic.
WhoDis
Roar Rookie
Just in case anyone had any doubt whatsoever: “2000 Mules is a 2022 American conspiracist[4][5][6] political film from right-wing political commentator Dinesh D'Souza. The film falsely[7][8][9] claims unnamed nonprofit organizations supposedly associated with the Democratic Party paid "mules" to illegally collect and deposit ballots into drop boxes in the swing states of Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin during the 2020 presidential election. D'Souza has a history of creating and spreading false conspiracy theories.”