It’s alive. Aliiiiiive. The Boxing Day Test has been a dead affair for years, but finally we’ve got one that counts.
In truth, Boxing Day has become a Frankenstein’s monster. Cobbled together out of all kinds of disparate parts: a social event, a sporting calendar tick, a bucket-list item, and a political photo-op.
An occasion feted for being an occasion, rather than a sporting contest of any worth.
For years, the actual cricket has been a non-event. Only in the 2010-11 Ashes was Melbourne pivotal to the series. In swinging conditions, England blew Australia away in session one.
In the two Ashes since, the series has been wrapped up with a 3-0 lead by the time we got to the supposed biggest occasion.
Some other series have been technically live, but part of three-Test editions against teams who were never likely to compete: Pakistan in 2016, West Indies in 2015, Sri Lanka in 2012.
But the number of times a marquee series against an in-form rival has approached its business end with a must-win Melbourne match – it feels like an aeon.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m from Melbourne, and proudly so. When it was 45 degrees in Dubai in October I was the guy still getting around in flannel shirts and black jeans. You can take the boy out of the Retreat Hotel…
But as much as I’d prefer not to say it, the Boxing Day Test has become an embarrassment. Every year we invite the attention of the country and the cricketing world to our city, talk it up like it’s the biggest thing in the year, and every year we fail to deliver a decent match.
It’s like asking your friends around for Christmas but your drunk uncle goes on a rampage about franking credits and the turkey is dry and no one can go into the backyard because it’s pissing down rain but somehow it’s still uncomfortably humid and the air-con is faulty and the television breaks so you can’t watch the cricket but that’s just as well because it’s the bloody Boxing Day Test.
Last year was the most infamous, on a pitch so turgid and featureless that they could have left it there for the intervening 365 days and Alastair Cook would still be batting. Changeless, indestructible, it must have been made of army rations.
But the year before that, an exciting finish on day five came after a dreary set of days one through four, and was only possible due to a late burst of Mitchell Starc brilliance and an equal burst of Pakistan incompetence.
Mitchell Starc (AP Photo/Rick Rycroft)
The dreary MCG wickets go back a long way now. Victoria have barely had a result in the past few seasons of Sheffield Shield.
And Boxing Day crowds reflect that, not in size but in attitude. Yes, the place gets packed out in the morning. But that’s because it’s become a tradition to go, not because of the game. Half the potential spectators spend the whole day in the bar, shouting conversations at each other and occasionally pretending to glance at the TV.
Guys (and it’s always guys) who won’t watch another minute of cricket the year round repeat some lines they heard on the train and pretend to sound knowledgeable. “Nathan Lyon, he just bowls too fast sometimes, you know?”
But with the fare on show, nobody could blame them.
Part of that won’t change this year. But part of it will. Virat Kohli’s spikiness and Tim Paine’s smartarse retorts have amused people. India’s bowlers have worked relentlessly as a pack. India’s batsmen have produced two outstanding hundreds. Australia’s have not, but the team has still fought its way to 1-1.
All of this has brought the series to life. And now it seats neatly in the balance, with all three results possible.
After all the pitch scrutiny from last year, including an official ‘poor’ rating from the match referee, former WACA curator Matt Page is doing everything he can to perk up the MCG track. Drainage sand, clay additions, and I daresay a fair bit of grass given the success of the thatch in Adelaide and Perth.
But it’s after this season that the big change will come. The drop-ins are old and tired, and it’s probably time to start over. As reported on ESPNcricinfo, Page will now import the methods used for the Perth Stadium drop-in, which is also run by his former WACA staff.
That method, in turn, was imported from Adelaide when the renovated Oval switched to drop-ins. The main feature is that instead of using concrete trays that block drainage and breathing, they’ll use porous trays supported on pylons, to let things move more freely.
And really, what problem can’t be solved with porous trays and pylons?
So from next season, the Boxing Day Test could find its conditions lively indeed. But then, don’t get too far ahead. We’ve been burned before.
For this year, it will be a matter of making do. And of course for the series, the best MCG result would be a draw, sending the teams to Sydney with all to play for.
But let’s hope, for Melbourne’s sake and for the series, that any draw is a Dubai epic rather than a futile slog. Let’s hope the changes work and the players rise to the challenge. Let’s hope the actual match is worthy of the occasion.
This time, Melbourne can change what’s on offer.
Jeffrey Dun
Roar Rookie
The Boxing Day test is a great occasion - pity about the venue.
Alex Bishop
Guest
On what planet would CA allow the MCG to not have a test? I mean that is the most ridiculous statement I've seen in a long time. It brings in the biggest gate, has the most viewers and is literally next door to CA HQ. Not to mention the history and uproar, its like the ECB threatening to take a test from Lords. Won't ever happen.
Just Nuisance
Roar Rookie
Superb stuff Geoff , your articles are always a must read for me . ...it is crunch time for India, they have been on the road for a year and must be disappointed with results. A win here will set them up for some redemption regardless of the 4th Test. Lose and I think the tank will be empty . Fatigue will be a factor ....Dale Steyns thoughts not mine so expect them to go hard. Conversely Australia have had an Annus Horribilis year and a win here will be massive for them. Despite the lousy time zones watching here from South Africa I will not miss a minute if possible. Bring it on.
Gus O
Roar Rookie
That was certainly how it worked out in Perth - a really good toss to win, and one all half way through the series will increase interest in the boxing day test wherever it may be. Love the author’s comment “Tim Paine’s smartarse retorts”, i dont think anyone has suggested Paine is out of line and the stump microphones give the commentators and audience a bit more interest when the pressure builds. But a close and competetive draw in Melbourne wouldn’t be a bad thing for the series.
Darren
Guest
I used to adore the G Paul but I think it’s all about mythology. I’ve been in Adelaide 25 yrs now so maybe I’ve become parochial but for me for atmosphere. spectacle and aesthetics AO has the G beat.
Matt H
Roar Guru
I think CA would be happy to allow it, but the nature of the drop in makes it difficult. Mind you, even before drop ins the MCG pitch has never really been seen as the best in the country.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
One thing with Australian cricket crowds has so often been that the atmosphere in the stadium is regularly dictated more by the visiting fans. The Barmy Army on Ashes contests, Indian fans rocking up with their drums for Indian matches etc. Back in the day got some nice atmosphere from visiting Caribbean fans when the West Indies were here too.
Jesse Langley
Guest
Its who ever wins the toss wins the game. There should be 1 coin toss at the start of the first game of the series. Then it alternates. Its like a game of naughts and crosses, who ever goes first has a chance to win, the other guys just playing for a draw.
Pope Paul VII
Roar Rookie
Yeah that was a goody.
Gus O
Roar Rookie
Agree, and India scores are limited because the strength of the Australian team is the bowling attack... and the Australian scores are limited because the weakness of the Australian team is the relatively inexperienced batting line up. Although the all new opening pair have performed beyond the expectations of many pundits and are looking stronger with every innings. So far a close and hard fought series, and now we have a week to fixate on pitch predictions and continue the quest for a reliable number 6. Isn’t test cricket brilliant!
Rellum
Roar Guru
It has finally dawned on them that 5 day T20 pitches are not good for the game.
Paul D
Roar Guru
I don't think anyone should hope for that outcome. Boxing Day at the MCG is like the AFL Grand Final at the MCG. It is by far and away the best choice in terms of venue, spectacle and occasion.
Paul D
Roar Guru
India 2003/04 was pretty good. I think also the series v South Africa in 2008/09 where the MCG test saw Dale Steyn take 10 wickets, hit a 50 - and in conjunction with Duminy who cracked that sparkling 166, saw South Africa record their first series win over Australia in Australia I believe? That was a wonderful series. The finale at the SCG with Smith batting with a broken hand in a valiant but ultimately vain attempt to hold off a rampaging Mitch Johnson on a tricky pitch was a great test too
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
It will take more than that to lose the boxing day test. Especially when, while they've brought in a new curator for this season to try and improve it, they are completely overhauling the drop-in pitches from next year. So even if they don't have as good a pitch as they'd like they will be able to point to the fact that they are making the necessary changes to improve things, just haven't got there yet.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
It is quite likely to be more batsman friendly than the last two pitches have been. But even so, after receiving a "poor" rating from the ICC on last years pitch, they can't afford to roll out something similar again, they have to make sure they can produce a pitch which will have more in it for the bowlers than the last few years have.
Chris Kettlewell
Roar Guru
India has only passed 300 once also, and that was only 307. I think the lower scores are just as much a reflection on the fact that the conditions haven't been as batting friendly as we've seen in Australia in recent years. Which most people see as a good thing.
DTM
Guest
I have been critical of the Australian pitches of recent years so will give credit where it is due. The first two pitches provided fair cricket with both batsmen and bowlers having opportunities to shine. Yadav took 2/139 so the Perth pitch did not reward bad bowling and Kohli's century in the first innings proved there were runs there. Even without Warner and Smith, these two teams are quite evenly matched. If the MCG test provides another boring draw with say 25 wickets for 1600, they should lose the Boxing Day test.
Jeansyjive
Roar Rookie
The last shield game at the MCG was a draw. Good chance we will see another road.
Pope Paul VII
Roar Rookie
The match against Pakistan on 2016 was pretty good I thought, even though Pakistan wilted in their second innings. The Pakistani made the often fatal error of visitors declaring in Australia in the first innings. Fair enough it was 9 down but only for 443. And it was the middle of the day and Yassy Shah (at 11) is always on for a quick 20 or 30. Also strange was that opener Azhar Ali was 205 n.o. and on the verge of batting through. I think Australia's galloping reply of 8/624 was a record of some description. Highest reply or something. If the Indians are 5 or 6 down for 550 odd on day 2 lets hope they don't read Aussie cricket history.
Bearfax
Roar Guru
Yep. Australia has been brought very much back to the field. Other teams don't fear them anymore it seems. India, on foreign soil away from the sub continent, often has problems competing effectively. Not this year. Australia are just damn lucky they have such a fine bowling outfit, because the batting line up is the weakest I've seen since the early World Series cricket break up. Only one of the 6 batsmen has managed to just scrape into a 40 average in these two games. Only one time in four innings has Australia exceeded 300, and that was only 326. Gone it seems are the halcton times when 400= was the average. Lucky we have bowlers who can bat a bit otherwise we would have struggled to exceed 250 in any innings. There are a couple of batsmen in this side who are not test standard. Khawaja and S. Marsh are our only test level batsmen with first class averages over 40. Harris is doing moderately well and Head may yet be test quality. But Hanscomb and Finch need to go, because I can see India winning this series as they continue to adapt to Australian conditions.