The crowds piled into Central Coast Stadium, an airy square ground nestled in Grahame Park – named after my great-grandfather, mayor of Gosford in the 1930s – to see Usain Bolt attempt a passable impression of a professional footballer.
Perhaps great-granddad William can feel the full force of my indignation echoing across the thick corporeal membrane.
Mike Mulvey spent the prematch coverage talking mostly around the issue of Bolt’s viability as a footballer – this is a trial after all, and it was billed as such by Fox Sports, though their description took on a more Kafka-esque reading, trapped as we are in this perverse, unexplained reality.
Briefly the issue of Bolt’s lack of mobility was mentioned; Bolt has no trouble reaching top speed over 100 metres provided he has an unobstructed straight-line path down which to do so, but his side-to-side agility and his stop-start quickness is all highly questionable.
Almost as important is the issue of stamina. Not the trundling brand of long-distance stamina marathon runners have – though Bolt doesn’t have that either. No, more the ability to maintain enough energy and appetite to complete a lung-bursting chase down the wing in the 88th minute or the ability to maintain a press as the game drags on into the latter stages. A footballer’s stamina must be able to survive the sudden unpredictable spikes in activity over the full course of a match.
Jack Clisby scored after 20 seconds, a tidy strike from distance capping the very first sequence of the match. The Central Coast Select team are a collection of amateur players, and there was the feeling that, no matter Bolt’s current level, pitting him against a team that have paid to play would not be a fair comparison.
The broadcast, meanwhile, had a permanent Bolt-cam occupying the bottom corner of the screen. When Michael McGlinchey scored the second goal after 11 minutes we cut to Bolt for his reaction.
A third flew in, the result of a high line, a lofted pass and a slightly tardy goalkeeper. Bolt was probably looking at that high line licking his lips. He began to warm up on the sideline, and crowds, with their iPhones out, were following him up and down the length of the field, snapping and smiling.
The exposure argument for Bolt is valid; the coverage the Mariners have garnered since hitching their wagon to the Bolt stallion has been astounding. Fox Sports alone dedicate swollen chunks of airtime to it, and it has appeared in novelty sections of the world’s press.
(AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)
The crowd here wasn’t a full house, but it was infinitely fuller than it would have been without the sprinter. Central Coast, a bad team for a while now, have been starved for crowds, and it seems as though they’ve decided that being a popular sideshow attraction is worth the mild debasement.
There is a point, though, when the constant legitimising of this stunt becomes intolerable. Robbie Slater was describing it as “a coup”. In fact it is not, and don’t forget that it was Bolt who approached the Mariners.
Dean Heffernan was talking about how it was important for a player to connect to the area in which he plays – again, the trial is ongoing, and Bolt doesn’t yet have a contract, so he isn’t necessarily playing anywhere near Gosford.
Are the Mariners taking a gamble on a player who might potentially improve their team, on whom they will decide using purely football reasons, as they say? Or are they gifting Bolt the opportunity to fulfil a dream, as they also say? Is it all for the publicity, the scale of which they are constantly agape over, to the detriment of the actual recruitment process?
We keep hearing about how humble Bolt has been, how happy he is to be part of the team, how he’ll be treated as such, when we can plainly see how differently he’s being treated. If a normal player on trial could manage only 15 minutes of match action after two weeks of fairly unimpressive training with the team, would he be persisted with indefinitely? Of course not.
Mariners CEO Shaun Mielekamp spoke on the broadcast about how many new sponsors the club are conversing with as a result of this, but these conversations surely hinge on whether Bolt signs for the season. One wonders how the management can make an unbiased decision when this sort of pre-hype is occurring.
Central Coast were now 4-0 up and cruising. Bolt-cam followed Usain into the change rooms. Clisby scored his second goal direct from a corner, 5-0 now. Half-time.
(AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)
The Mariners have finished either eighth or tenth in the league in each of the last four seasons. In the last three years they have been dumped out of the FFA Cup at the Round of 32.
They have accrued fewer points than any other A-League team over the last four seasons and have a goal difference over that period of -103. They were smashed by Adelaide a few weeks ago in the Cup and are in real need of a player who can actually improve their team, who can actually help tow this club out of the doldrums.
Newcastle went from last place to second place last season, proving that with proper squad construction and a coherent tactical approach that suits the team astonishing rebirth can happen over the course of a single off-season.
As the 70th minute approached, Bolt began strapping on his shinpads. When the training shirt came off, the whoops and cheers began. With 95 on his back, Bolt trotted on with the score at 6-0. He took up a left winger’s position and drifted between the flank and the penalty box seeming pretty unconcerned with tracking back.
The Central Coast Select scored before Bolt had a touch of the ball – a very nice free kick from Tim Knight, preying on the Mariners keeper cheating off his line, expecting a cross.
Bolt was absolutely knackered after five minutes. He was walking slowly and was completely drenched in sweat. As was expected, his touch was heavy, and his positioning wasn’t great.
There was a moment, a few minutes before the end, when Central Coast orchestrated a situation that suited Bolt perfectly – all he needed to do was to run very fast in a straight line towards the back post and a tap-in would be waiting. He ran, but he couldn’t quite get there in time. The crowd’s disappointment was palpable.
Bolt said after the match that it would take four months for him to get fit and in tune with his teammates. If counted from today, that would take us until the end of December. Could this go on for that long? How long will the Mariners and the public humour this?
Mister Football
Roar Guru
I get that this is really about commercial opportunity on the part of the Mariners. Everyone's entitled to work out ways to pay the bills. Conversely, I just noticed that Fox ratings for this game was some 51k, which is hardly the sort of figure that's going to make heads turn and justify a price tag measured in the millions of dollars. It did beat Curious George by 10k, which is a pretty good achievement.
DingoGray
Roar Guru
Having watched the Mariners from afar in the last couple of seasons as a Central Coast resident, I can only see positives from Bolt being involved. Let's be franked, he can't be much worse than what we've seen the last couple of years. They are coming from a pretty low position. Bolt has only just started. He's got a fair bit of marketing pull the fact the same game last year drew about 200 people at a local ground can't be ignored. Not to mention the corporate possibilities for the Mariners. I think the negative outcomes are far out weighed by positives for the Mariners. Hell I haven't been near Gosford stadium in four years, you might just get me there this season.
Punter
Roar Rookie
Oh I assure you I don't care.
Doc Disnick
Roar Guru
This forum attracts very few AFL fans. At best, I could probably count 4-5 who regularly bait. The same occurs on the AFL tab, with one difference: a vast majority just don't care. An example is Cousin Claud (whatever his name is) - a serial pest who no one responds to, resulting in 100 less useless comments on average. I'd advise you do that same thing, but I've already done this countless times. I'd say I'm looking forward to my boys thrashing yours in the UCL, but I just don't see it happening while The Special One is still in charge. He'll be gone soon enough though. I'll just have to enjoy my other boys taking over Sydney and drawing a real crowd. Well, next year when Para Stadium is finished anyway. Go WSW!
Punter
Roar Rookie
For some reason, this forum attracts a lot of AFL fans with little love for football. We are all welcoming here on this forum & like to discuss the AFL to make them feel at home. We know AFL is huge in Melbourne but insignificant in Sydney despite what you think.
Marcel
Guest
Ibini and Rukavytsya both made a living in the A League by being fast and useless.. no reason why Bolt can't do the same.
Doc Disnick
Roar Guru
WTF has AFL HQ got to do with this? I'm continually amazed at how much publicity they receive on this forum. I can assure you — the publicity from this Bolt stunt, in Sydney, is f@3kall to none. Most people are interested in everyday life, with the minority following the NRL & AFL.... in that order.
Waz
Roar Rookie
Whatever you think. Bolt looked clueless when it came to where to run, he often ran the channel the ball should go down. He looked like a junior player end of story, that’ll be hard to fix.
Brainstrust
Roar Rookie
You obviously have never watched a Mariners game recently. They have one foreign player who would be struggling to cover half that distance in a match. The number one problem at the club is him and no one seems to be up to realising it. Orders have obviously come from AFL HQ regarding to play down the Bolt publicity machine. Maybe you need to put some actual legwork in and watch some Mariners game. The Mariners are known for selling off the kitchen sink at bargain prices, not trying to be the best possible side.
Doc Disnick
Roar Guru
Good on the Mariners for giving him a chance. Now they must have the courage to let him go. Why? 1. Technical proficiency — even at A-League level, I doubt he'll ever reach an acceptable level. 2. Fitness — sprinters are born to be sprinters. I doubt he has the genetics to play football at an elite level, just like a white man will never win gold at the Olympics in the 100-metre sprint (do not mistake that comment for blacks being poor at football either). Most likely he would be a defensive liability due to his lack of aerobic on anaerobic capacity. Modern football players cover 10-13km a match (depending on position). Considering Bolt has often gloated about never running a 'mile' in his life, this will be a huge challenge for someone of such ilk. Which leads to: 3. Mental aptitude — Gary Hall Junior (5 x Olympic gold medalist) was famously challenged by Susie O'Neil who claimed the 1500 metres was the real iron man event at the Olympics, not the shorter 50 &100 metre glamour events. Gary Hall Jnr responded: "why would I even bother swimming in the 1500 metres, when I can win a gold medal in around 20 seconds, instead of 15 minutes? Why would I want to train for 8 hours daily, looking at a black line for several hours, when I can do workouts in the gym and pool for only 2 hours coupled with speed training? Why would I want to do that? I don't think I'd have the mental aptitude even if I wanted to!..." 4. Craft — does he have the tactical nous. Is he intelligent enough to make critical decisions or creative enough to make something out of nothing? Well...his resume says no. He can run in a straight line for 10 seconds — that's about it. Not exactly a huge component of football it must be said. He doesn't strike me as the smartest bloke either from the way he speaks. Anyone who says otherwise is either a) simple, b) a football illiterate, c) really, really old or d) all of the above. The Mariners must now concentrate on becoming the best possible football side on the field. Gimmicks are one thing. Becoming the laughing stock of World Football is another and a very slippery slope indeed. Go WSW!
Waz
Roar Rookie
He’s deficient in technical and tactical areas, he clearly doesn’t understand these aspects of football anywhere near the same level a pro-footballer does (which you could expect to have from an NPL player). To your point though his physical and mental capabilities will far exceed anything in their current squad. The question for the coaches is can they live with this imbalance? And the one thing he’s proven is he can draw a crowd and publicity.
Nick Symonds
Guest
NEWS - BRISBANE CITY ARE OUT OF THE EXPANSION RACE - SOUTHERN EXPANSION TO REVEAL $50M LUCAS HEIGHTS TRAINING CENTRE PLANS The Weekend Australian understands the bid is now ranked No 1 on FFA’s key metrics for catchment zones and has impressed the head body with its financial stability (with cash already in the bank) and funds to cover cost of its licence fee, the first five years of operations and a marquee player. - Southern chairman Morris Iemma said the high-performance centre is innovative, will focus on the club’s communities and will be unmatched by any of the other bids. “A high-performance training centre is a crucial element of any modern, professional sporting club, which is why we are delighted to be working in collaboration with ANSTO to develop what will undoubtedly be the finest training facility anywhere in Australia and Southeast Asia,” Iemma said. - According to chief executive Chris Gardiner, the collaboration with ANSTO is a perfect fit for the A-League club-in-waiting. “It means we can tap in to ANSTO’s cutting-edge research and technology and allow our coaches and support staff to apply this knowledge to their medical and fitness operations and performance analysis,” Gardiner said. - My suggestion for a team name - South Sydney Isotopes Go Topes!
Nick Symonds
Guest
This was an A-League practice match that was broadcast in 60 countries and had a slightly suspicious official crowd of 9,958 ... which just happens to match Bolt's record time of 9.58. Amazing coincidence, don't you think?
Nemesis
Guest
I've no interest in practice matches, so I only saw highlights. He looks like he gave 100% in a practice match. That's all I expect from any player who is trying to transition from an amateur footballer to a professional footballer. If you ask people who are involved in recruiting entry level employees in any organization, they'll describe that the recruit who is the hungriest & willing to put in the long hours, do the mundane, tedious tasks are going to be more productive workers than the person with the best qualifications who does not focus on the task. The professional footballer has 4 building blocks: Technical Tactical Physical Mental The only aspect Bolt will undoubtedly have deficiencies compared to other recruits is at the Technical level. But, from what I've observed of professional footballers, deficiencies in the Technical level can often be masked by the Mental & Physical. That's basically been the Blueprint for Aussie footballers in the past.
Brainstrust
Roar Rookie
So the other player in the box, who was about 10 meters ahead of Bolt and didn't run forward despite the crosser being 2 meters ahead of him must be u/8 level.
Waz
Roar Rookie
I’d say the trial was pretty convincing, he is no footballer. His reading/understanding of the game is about the same level as an U13 player. That’s going to be hard to fix. Mariners, like the two previous clubs who offered him a trial but turned him down, are going to have to live with this limitation as it can only be fixed with a combination of game time and coaching and instead, try and figure out what his role might be? Impact sub?
Midfielder
Roar Guru
Actually better than I expected
Buddy
Roar Rookie
The fact that you have written this piece, we are commenting, a huge crowd turned up for a pre season warm up, was televised on Foxtel and I know people who went along who just wanted to see the sprinter tells me that no matter what the outcome is, the idea was a good one and hats off to CCM for daring to be different.
Gloria
Roar Rookie
He went ok. He is a very tall poppy and it is obvious that many are lining up to take him down.