NRL season 2018 is finished and all the major media awards and club championships have been handed out. But that doesn’t mean there are no important prizes left to scoop – I proudly present the inaugural celebration of the NRL Crises awards!
Although these are the first iteration of the Crises, there’s a long and distinguished history of teams wasting talent, wistfully thinking of alternate realities and plenty more. Only now we are able to come together and celebrate these efforts.
Here are your 2018 nominees and winners. I’m always keen for new categories, any and all suggestions will be considered. Tell me who should get what. Now let’s get into this!
Nominees
Honourable mention
Penrith Panthers. Sacking your coach when you’re on the brink of the top four? It’s certainly something.
Winner
Canberra Raiders. It’s not often a team finishes tenth with a positive for and against. That’s pretty impressive.
Nominees
Honourable mention
Canterbury Bulldogs: what if they’d kept their clothes on? And what if they twigged to Dean Pay’s system earlier than Round 20?
Winner
Penalty wars 2018. Just imagine if the NRL had supported its officials in enforcing the rules. We’d have a faster game, cleaner around the ruck with more attacking play.
Nah, I didn’t want to see that either.
Nominees
Honourable mention
Peter Beattie doesn’t know who Cronulla are, then confuses a Barcelona jersey with a Newcastle one: it was funny, sure. But hoo boy did it get taken seriously.
Winner
Mad Monday Bulldog-gate. think of the children!
Nominees
Honourable mention
‘Billy Slater/Cameron Smith/South Sydney/The Roosters/The Broncos are a protected species’
Winner
“Let the game flow”. I still need someone to explain to me just what this mythical ‘flow’ actually is.
Nominees
Honourable mention
Whoever let Greg Inglis do a press conference on his own before his suspension was announced.
Winner
Tie: Leilua and Hipgrave. If a team needed someone to attempt an unnecessary offload, to give away a penalty late in a tackle count or perhaps even do both at critical moments in games, Keegan and BJ were reliable producers in 2018.
This being the first ever Crises ceremony, it may seem a tad premature to name an immortal. Yet sometimes someone out there performs to such a level that there’s no choice but to confer their due status.
Congratulations to Phil ‘Buzz’ Rothfield, the spiritual grandfather of these awards. Without Buzz’s years of work cultivating a constant and feverish state of crisis, we’d never know that Origin games may not sell out each year and that referees constantly cost your team the game.
Buzz’s legacy means we have professionals to enjoy like Paul Kent, Dean Ritchie and Paul Crawley, among others. He’s selflessly built a path for others to tread and tread they do, over and over again.
Buzz will stand up and fight moral outrages like nude footballers being stalked by paparazzi at a private event, even if it means having to have lingerie models photographed sitting on his lap. We salute you!
Congratulations to all our 2018 winners! We look forward to next year, as long as there’s an NRL to enjoy. From what Buzz and co. tell me, it’s touch and go right now.
Ray Paks
Roar Rookie
Ok AJ. I thought he would at least get a small cameo in there but yes, he deserves to go out honorably I guess. The best fullback I've seen in my lifetime, no doubt!
The Barry
Roar Guru
Amazing how often that amnesia seems to kick in.
db
Guest
Unsurprisingly, the day after the grand final, James Hooper was glowing in praise of Cronk's performance, professionalism and dedication to the team. He developed amnesia regarding his comments from the day before.
BA Sports
Roar Guru
I think there is room for the journo with the biggest faux crisis of the year; Like James Hooper "If Cooper Cronk plays {in the Grand Final} it's one of the all time selfish decisions from him" Or Peter Badel telling us Maguire was going to the Broncos. In August the $2.4m deal was done... yet he met with Manly last week... Or which ever clown told us Seibold was going to the Broncos Or all the clowns who told us Cleary was going or Cleary was staying - when it still hasn't been decided Or which ever clown created a storm about a Sharks salary cap breach I think the Crwley's Riccio's, Hooper's, Badel's of the world deserve their recognition
Beastie
Roar Rookie
I think, as far as many of the Footy Show viewers were concerned, the footy show died last year when Fatty was given the axe (or knife in the back as it was).
AJ Mithen
Expert
Let a man retire in peace Ray! Billy has more than enough awards. That's why he was 'only' an honourable mention this year. DISCLAIMER: I love Billy Slater. Love him.
Big Daddy
Guest
The reason that crises is down this year is the boys in white have stolen your thunder and every one is in a state of stupor.
Big Daddy
Guest
The axing of the footy show has to be high on that list. Thousands of TV fans committing hari kari because they can no longer see the wobbly head on TV or the unfunny Beau trying to be funny. RIP the footy show, I won't be shedding any tears.
Paul
Roar Guru
Maybe you need a category titled "just call me God", so guys like Gould could create these crises then single handedly come up with solutions because nobody else could - just ask them
Ray Paks
Roar Rookie
Gee, it's amazing how Slater doesn't appear anywhere in there. Can score tries from knock-ons, dive like an Olympian, win medals head and shoulders above everyone else even though he played less games than others and in the losing team, convince judiciary he didn't perform a dead set shoulder charge. You can put that in this category - ABOVE THE GAME GRUB - automatic winner!
AJ Mithen
Expert
If you leave a huge crises mega-sludge ball out in the sun for a month, it makes a great children's playground.
AJ Mithen
Expert
Paul - I had Gus clearly leading both the 'Coach of the year' category and the 'nuke your joint and theirs' category
Paul
Roar Guru
I'm surprised no mention was made of Gus Gould and the crises he's been behind this year, AJ? You touched on a couple of them, eg "let the game flow", but he's been instrumental in creating a crisis for the Tigers they didn't know they had or certainly didn't want. The Judiciary also needs at least an honorable mention for it's Billy Slater crisis late in the season. The outpouring of rage, hatred, etc was akin to the reaction of an Allan Jones interview about what to advertise next on the Sydney Opera House!
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Great read AJ! We should collab next time and create one huge crises mega-sludge ball. I reckon it would look like that massive meteor of nappies they dug up from the London underground
Dogs Boddy
Roar Rookie
If you could combine the Raiders first 60 minutes with the Panthers last 20 you would be unstoppable.
Penrith Punter
Roar Guru
Love your work AJ - honorable mention to what if Penrith actually played for the first 70 minutes of games - a question us Panthers fans will be asking all off-season.
Justin Kearney
Roar Rookie
Ratings are falling through the floor compared to the afl version. One look at Rothfield and it’s off.
AJ Mithen
Expert
Thanks B McC. The Eagles were leading the 'Shambles of the year' category until I realised I had to submit this article...
AJ Mithen
Expert
They'll be driving the train, but will there be as many passengers? R.I.P NRL 360. I used to love that show.
AJ Mithen
Expert
That's the thing Baz - so tame was season 2018 in the pubs and hotel stairwells I was reduced to having to look at onfield matters! Disgusting stuff. (And your last sentence is the first nomination for 'mental image of the year')