Two weeks ago Vic Masters rugby celebrated one of the highlights of their season, what has now become an annual fixture, a curtain-raiser to the Rebels vs Waratahs match at AAMI Stadium, between the ‘Wannabees’ and ‘Old Blacks’.
Two matches were played, between the ‘over 35s’ and the ‘over 45s’; as always, spirited contests both on the field and in the function room afterwards. Rugby Australia CEO Raelene Castle was on hand to show her support for what is undeniably one of Australian rugby’s grassroots success stories.
However it was also an evening tinged with great sadness, with the Masters fraternity tragically losing one of their brothers, 37-year old Mike Ellis, the day before the event.
Born in Canberra, Mike grew up in Dalby, Queensland where, according to his step-father Peter, “He lived for sport. Football (rugby league) mostly, but anything he could get into. And he also had a real passion for racing motor bikes.”
After living in North Queensland, Mike eventually settled in Melbourne, working as a carpet layer, and embracing Vic Masters rugby, this year playing at fullback for the Southern Districts club.
Mike’s story is important because it highlights all that is good about Masters rugby – middle-aged guys enjoying their sport in a supportive, family-based environment, injecting life back into rugby clubs, some of whom are, or would otherwise be struggling.
But at the same time, Mike’s story demonstrates how tenuous, for any of us, connection with life can be. No matter the strength of the support network of friends and rugby colleagues, how vigilant we all must be in looking out for colleagues, friends and family members, who may be doing it tough.
The driving force behind Vic Masters, Ian Barker, explains how the organisation is much more than just a vehicle to organise games of rugby.
“One of our founding principles was to at all times emphasise community, not only by incorporating family, but promoting men’s health.
“Our playing pool of 300 (up 20 per cent on last year) already includes mental health professionals, but what is noteworthy is that some of our players have now gone on to become Beyond Blue ambassadors, because they see that there is more they can do to help.”
The reality is that any cohort of men aged between 35 to 70 will comprise a number who have experienced, or are currently experiencing, relationship breakdown, job loss, divorce proceedings, financial difficulty, estrangement from children and more.
A regular game of rugby and the camaraderie that exists around that is one thing. But as new Vic Masters President Brendon Matthews outlines, “We’ve realised that there is so much more that we can do for guys who might have found themselves in difficulty.
“From conversations that are had in and around the group, it’s usually not too hard to find out who might be at risk, and from there, for one of us to check in periodically and make sure that things are ok. But up until now that’s been an informal process, and it’s become clear to us that we needed to take things to the next level and provide a more formal level of identification and ongoing support for any of our players in need.”
That has culminated in the formation of the ‘Vic Masters Tight Five’, Vic Masters’ own internal Mental Health and Wellbeing working group, a support crew of five professionals within the fraternity who will play an active personal role in the support of any player in need.
With the emphasis clearly on community, the Vic Masters Facebook page is also a hive of interaction between players, supporters and sponsors, with Beyond Blue featuring prominently, alongside hashtags such as #ItsOkToBeNotOk and #RugbyisLife.
Barker and Matthews have worked tirelessly to ensure that Vic Masters enjoys support from a variety of sources, whether that be via commercial sponsorships, and within the game itself.
Both are full of praise for the support of the Victorian rugby union, Rugby Australia and the Melbourne Rebels’ CEO Baden Stephenson, all of whom have embraced Vic Masters just as their organisation has sought to align themselves closely in return, with the various administrative bodies.
Dan Vickerman committed suicide in 2017 after a battle with depression. (AAP Image/Dave Hunt)
“Right from our resurrection in 2014”, explains Barker, “we realised that for this to work to its full potential, we needed to be affiliated to clubs, rather than operate as a distinctly separate, ‘golden-oldies’ style entity. It was important to us to have all players properly registered, and for us to use proper referees, and for the various rugby clubs to be able to enjoy hosting one Masters festival day per season.
“This model allows our players who may be shift-workers and who might have family duties and so who can’t commit every single week, to enjoy the benefits, via the Rugby Australia Xplorer App, to register and pay as they attend. Under the traditional subscription model, players who were required to commit to a full season sub, without being sure of getting value from it, often instead chose to quietly opt out.”
For her part, Castle is unashamedly enthusiastic.
“The Vic Masters is a fantastic model which keeps people involved in the game past their playing ‘prime’ and keeps them connected socially. It is one of the success stories of the Rugby community in Victoria and we are proud to see the great work they are doing for their community,” she says.
(AAP Image/Daniel Munoz)
“The power of the Rugby community is an incredible thing, especially in difficult times like the Vic Masters have come through, and it is a reflection of this community spirit that they are working together to create awareness of, and combat mental health issues among men.”
To this outsider, three things stand out. Rugby has always been a ‘tough man’s game’ and many of us played rugby in an era where adversity, on and off the field, was dealt with by a clip over the ears and message to ‘harden the f*ck up’.
Rugby needed to move on, and in this and many other environments, it clearly now has – all without the game losing any of its physicality or competitiveness.
Secondly, it is clear that for every rugby player who might want to assert his or her individual right to publicly express whatever they like under the guise of freedom of religious expression, there are hundreds more for whom life is an ongoing, complex and difficult battle.
It is incumbent on every person in the rugby community to ensure that their words and actions are at all times respectful of others, no matter how genuinely held their own beliefs may be.
Finally, Vic Masters is one of many pockets around Australia where grassroots is healthy – completely at odds with the ‘rugby is dead’ narrative promoted by many media commentators.
What these examples have in common is a group of people – volunteers – who love the game, who have come together not to whinge about rugby politics or money that isn’t flowing to them, but to create a positive rugby experience for themselves and their families.
While there is enormous sadness at the loss of Mike Ellis, his stepfather, Peter, is full of praise for Vic Masters. “I can’t stress enough how fantastic these people have been. I know Mike loved playing rugby with these guys and our family has enormous gratitude for the support they have offered us during this time.”
The final word is left for Matthews, whose tribute posted on the Vic Masters Facebook Page included the following passage: “Mike, we will miss you running rings around us out wide, your cheeky grin and sharing a drink and a yarn after the game. We are sure you will be a regular starter in the game they play in heaven.
“Rest in Peace Brother.”
A memorial service for Mike will be held next Saturday 22nd June at the Vic Masters day, at Southern Districts Rugby Club, Seaford.
The Roar encourages all readers who may be suffering from mental illness to seek support from organisations such as Lifeline, Beyond Blue or Headspace.
Catherine Frigo
Guest
Wow. I was Mikes partner at the time of his death and even though after his death the club was saddened by his death and though it may hit some feeling afterwards, it is mostly talk. I sore it first hand!! I lived Michael and went through hell and back with him. This article is mainly about the support. An advertisement. I am angered that you used his death to promote the support. As for his step father and an entire family , including a mother who did not even fly down to see their son for last time but had found his car details and bank account and used Michaels money to pay a for his own viewing that was only held because the club pushed for it. This article just angers me. People who use a death to promote themselves is low. No one was there for him. I WAS!!! Drinking once a week so that he can come home aggressive was not helpful.
Mungbean74
Roar Rookie
Sounds like a great initiative! After reading this and knowing I was about to play in an annual Old Boys tournament here in Miyazaki I was initially a bit scared of picking up an injury because i broke my ribs in the biggest tackle I had ever copped last year in the same tournament. I’m more into surfing these days ( I’m 44) but to strap on the boots there’s something very exciting about it! The team we played was one of our rival teams from when I was is my 20’s and 30’s and the game was played hard and fair and in great spirit. We won by 3 points. It was great to get that feeling back of being with my old mates ( who most still play) and an achievement in itself for me to finish the game still on the ground. A shout out to Vic Masters and Geoff Parkes for hopefully motivating others to get out there and go that extra for your mates. I have drifted apart from some of my old Japanese mates due to me not playing anymore and sharing different interests, but to get together at least once a year and have a chat and reunite with them is invaluable. It was Father’s day here in Japan and I had a good quick surf early, played our match then went out to dinner with my family! What a day! Who said rugby is dying at grass roots!
Neel
Roar Guru
Wonderfully written article Geoff. Male suicide and depression is a big problem in the West.
Ken Catchpole's Other Leg
Roar Guru
On the subject of men’s mental health, this is a link to ‘tomorrow’s man’ , one group visiting rugby (and other male dominated) clubs. https://www.tomorrowman.com.au/aboutus
Geoff Parkes
Expert
Thanks for the post 2bw. The Folau reference isn't in there to stir, and it is certainly not "snide". Ian Roberts has spoken stridently about how issues with sexual identity contribute to anxiety and mental health issues in both the wider population and among sportspeople. Of course there are many who support Folau, and that's fine to disagree on that. But even so, it's entirely valid, when talking about the wider community's responsibility with respect to mental health, to reference his comments, and the possible harm taken from them by some people at risk, in this discussion. You will note that 'Gloria' used the term "genuine question". You will understand that this was to try to differentiate from the consistent stream of comments made on my articles made by the same poster, that are anything but genuine.
Geoff Parkes
Expert
Thanks CP.
2 bobs worth
Guest
Geoff I did not want to comment on the Folau reference because of the excellence and great points that the rest of the article contained and we need to see more open discussion about lots of points and stories and hearing this type of thing can bring that about. However it was not Gloria that put that point in it was you, so it was you who bought your own article down a level by putting in a totally unnecessary and irrelant Folau reference into this article. You cant expect others to ignore a part of the article and you cant blame others when it is commented on. I loved the article and where you went with it but you made the choice to publish......Just like Folau did.....a small part of the article but the part you knew would envoke further comment....
Carlos the Argie
Roar Guru
Geoff, “No matter the strength of the support network of friends and rugby colleagues, how vigilant we all must be in looking out for colleagues, friends and family members, who may be doing it tough.” As CP said above, this is easier said than actually done. The ones hurting usually have the ability to hide, not to show their inner pains, their struggles. They will masquerade their inner weakness by showing outer strength. I am not sure how to do this better, as CP said, only half told him about it. I have worked in a tangential way in neuropsychiatry (but I am not a formal scientist) and it is a very difficult area. No one know exactly how the brain works and how these thoughts come. Somehow, your mind starts to get really tired and you hold on because of the people you love, but one day, that love is not sufficient. One day you stop feeling the love of those people to you and for those people. That day, you can’t give it, you can’t receive it. That is the day that matters. You have to get to that person before he reaches that day.
Geoff Parkes
Expert
Being based in Melbourne, my focus here is on the Vic Masters group, KP. But I'm certainly aware that there are similar groups around the country playing and meeting regularly, plus other guys who participate in more one-off type 'golden oldies' events. Despite what some people like to tell us, the game has a bit of life left in it yet, mate!
Geoff Parkes
Expert
They're so inclusive they even welcome Scots, robbo. :)
Rhys
Roar Rookie
Fantastic writeup Geoff, I'm not in the age group you've identified but it's certainly something I've dealt with personally in my life and a topic close to me. Positive mental health is all about talking and expressing how you feel, but I've only just realised that opening up for the first time myself. An utter utter tragedy. We can't empathise with his family and the magnitude of feelings they would be suffering unless we've had the dreadful experience affect us in our own lives, but I know by nearly putting loved ones in my life in such a position that it is soul destroying. For the better, we all need to show more love and really ask the question "are you ok?" Again Geoff, thank you for highlighting a bigger issue, it strikes resonant a chord.
Rugby Tragic
Roar Rookie
Thanks for sharing Ken, quite touching.
Kashmir Pete
Roar Guru
Redheavy Will do - indebted! Cheers KP
redheavy
Roar Rookie
Hi KP. There are indeed special rules for us older players, and many clubs in Aus that provide the camaraderie that you are missing! Just google “golden oldies rugby Australia” and hopefully there will be one near you ???? Cheers, Redheavy
Kashmir Pete
Roar Guru
Hi Geoff I was a bit slow in comprehending your focus - initially was thinking what a happy story about successful grass roots rugby story. The serious side of your article I respect. On separate note: I often remiss that such an excellent game, can't readily be enjoyed into mid or old age like tennis, golf, ski, surf. Especially, as most of the latter activities, lack the team element that rugby so embodies. To me, a sport is all about participation, the TV focus on top level, merely a bonus. I wonder, if 300 (relatively) older players in Vic could become 30,000 nationally. ie Might there be some refinements to the game, without losing its core, that would make it practical for oldies? I don't know, but interested if anyone could come up with an idea(s). Cheers KP
Cynical Play
Guest
Geoff I am a GP (believe it or not). I have had several patients suicide. Half were on the mental health radar. Half were not. Of those that were, most had convinced me they were managing, shortly before they acted on the thoughts of ‘checking out’. In the darkness of a desperate night there is no conceivable tomorrow and no conceivable reason not to act. Anything to stop the pain. Reaching out is to be encouraged. But the true depressive gets sick of repeatedly reaching out. Often they’ve been thinking about acting out for s long time. However there are times when I know I’ve kept someone going with a sincere inquiry and offer of weekly checkins. Love each other. Ring every day for no reason. Don’t take “I’m alright” for an answer. ????
Kia Kaha
Roar Guru
Great piece, Geoff. My mother died shortly after my father. What it said on the death certificate was not the root cause. People talk about the brave battle against cancer and rightly so. My father battled leukemia for ten years and I’m grateful for every extra day after the doctors initially gave him less than a year. Depression, in my view incorrectly placed under the banner of mental health, does not evoke in others anywhere near the same amount of empathy. A lot of this can be attributed to the lack of knowledge and the complexity of this issue. Anything that sheds light on this matter and brings out more understanding and a willingness to clearly identify what is a major problem is most welcome. And congrats to the organizers and supporters of this event. Rugby may be a bruising sport but it has the power to heal on and off the field.
robbo999
Roar Rookie
Thanks Geoff - most of the time we do not know that this is happening until something really close hits home. It is vital that these stories are heard and I am glad that Mike's story has been told by someone with your empathy and writing ability. Ignore the trolls and recommend you don't respond to them - it just feeds their maw. I also want to thank the Vic Masters - clearly people like them are vital to our society. I reckon my back would preclude me running out for the "under-seventies" but I am sure their social club is something to wonder about. I should check them out.
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
I feel for your lost, mate. Lost one of my best mates 11 years ago to this, and it is still eating me badly some days.
jeznez
Roar Guru
Thanks mate.