V’landys promises to change laws of physics to avoid repeat of forward pass debacle

Chairman of the Australia Rugby League Commission Peter V’Landys has promised to have the laws of physics changed in time for Round 6 to avoid a repeat of the forward pass controversy that followed the epic Eels-Sea Eagles match.

V’landys is confident that he can have the long-standing laws altered so that passes that leave the hands backwards will no longer float forwards from the momentum of the player.

It is understood V’landys initially approached Prime Minister Scott Morrison who told him he agreed with the change but his hands were tied, and that the league boss would need to go above him.

“It turns out that I already knew the person in charge of these things”, V’landys said. “I’ll be having a quick chat with him on Sunday at my local Greek orthodox church”.

He said he may need a “couple of weeks” to get the change made, but expected it would be quicker than getting a response from the Victorian government.

Controversially, V’landys also claims that last time they spoke, the ‘Man Upstairs’ (not referring to the Bunker) told him confidentially that rugby league was now the game they play in heaven.

The Biggest Boss had explained to the league boss that the traditional game they played in heaven had been replaced after scrum resets in the 15-man code were seeming to take an eternity, trying the patience even of those who had an eternity available.

“They are much happier since they switched to rugby league”, claims Vlandys, “though like us, they were still trying to work out the right balance with speed of the ruck”. For this reason, V’landys is confident of getting His support to fix this latest controversy.

The plan hasn’t gone down well with everyone though, with a spokesman for the scientific community saying “the sense of entitlement of the NRL is breathtaking. If this happens, it will prove that the god that we mostly don’t believe exists, is unfair!

Why should the NRL be given preference? And how will this affect cricket among other sports?”

But the referees association has supported the move, saying that “everyone would win” from the change. Referees boss Graham Annesely admitted the referee and touch judge let the pressure from the fake crowd get to them.

He reported that the touch judge had been involved in an aggressive incident after full-time with a Manly fan (a cardboard cut-out of an Alsatian from Narraweena). Mr Annesely was otherwise pleased to report that the virtual crowd had been mostly well behaved.

Author’s Note: inspired by the wonderful satire work of Dane Eldridge.