Well may they sing God Save the Queen because to paraphrase Gough Whitlam, nothing will save England after a disastrous third day of the Second Ashes Test.
Apart from skipper Joe Root and first drop Dawid Malan, the English batting line-up crumbled for the third time in as many attempts this series as Australia accelerated towards a crushing defeat.
A late run out, in which Australian openers Marcus Harris and David Warner got horribly mixed up to spell the latter’s doom, was the sole bright spot of the day for the visitors, who now seem destined for a third successive humbling series defeat on Antipodean shores.
Apart from the Donald Bradman-inspired 1936-37 Australian side, no team in the history of Ashes contests has won a series after trailing 2-0, and Root’s bunch of outclassed no-hopers are about as far removed from The Don as humanly possible.
Resuming at a precarious 2-17, England enjoyed a rare wicket-free session to start the day as Root and Malan doubled up from their Gabba efforts to take the tourists into the long break with an unbroken century-plus partnership in front of 27,613 fans at Adelaide Oval.
But when Root nicked all-rounder Cameron Green to stand-in skipper Steve Smith for 62 and Mitchell Starc dismissed Malan for 80 via the same method, the touring team’s soft middle-order underbelly was exposed and their last eight wickets fell for the addition of just 86 runs.
Ollie Pope perished for five via a bat-pad chance of Lyon before Jos Buttler compounded his costly wicketkeeping errors by departing for a duck when he edged Starc to David Warner at first slip.
Ben Stokes (34) fell chasing quick runs after Lyon had started running through the tail by getting rid of Chris Woakes (24) and Ollie Robinson for a duck.
Green’s pace and hostility was yet another bonus for Australia – the young all-rounder has twice dismissed the world’s highest run-scorer for 2021 in Root this series while he added Stokes to his growing list of victims when he inside-edged the West Australian onto the stumps.
Stuart Broad and James Anderson provided a little bit of resistance and a slice of comic relief in their brief last-wicket stand of 16 as England were bowled out for 236, a run shy of half Australia’s total after they had declared 24 hours earlier at 9-473.
Smith elected not to enforce the follow-on after Starc claimed his fourth wicket in Broad, giving his bowling attack a chance to rest and likely begin the fourth-innings formalities late on Sunday afternoon so they can take advantage of the extra swing under lights.
Steve Smith of Australia talks to his players before day three of the second Test. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)
Faced with a tricky 17-over session under lights, David Warner headed out to open with Victorian left-hander Marcus Harris, who was under immense pressure to perform to save his spot in the team after failing in the first innings of each Test.
Warner departed for 13 after he was run out following a dreadful mix-up with Harris, who remained unbeaten on 21 with Australia at 1-45, a lead of 282, with debutatant Michael Neser on two, who came out as nightwatchman for the final few overs under lights.
With two days to play, the match is set up for a second straight lopsided triumph for Australia despite missing two of their best players – captain Pat Cummins as he serves his COVID close contact biosecurity protocols and injured pace cartel comrade Josh Hazlewood.
Cummins is certain to return for the MCG Test while Hazlewood is hopeful of overcoming his side strain to also be part of the Boxing Day contest.
If they cannot somehow jag a draw in Adelaide then England need to win all three of the remaining matches to regain the urn. Avoiding a 5-0 whitewash will be a more realistic goal.
Paul Suttor
Expert
It's not crowing, it's telling it like it is. This match may technically still be live but England's chances are all but dead
Paul Suttor
Expert
Khawaja should open next Test
fabian gulino
Roar Rookie
Harris time is up for opening for Australia.He is no good.
fabian gulino
Roar Rookie
England need to draw this game some how or kiss this series bye-bye.They lack mongrel and fight.they have the Bowlers but the batters looked very weak.Joe root needs time off now.he looks like he is on hoildays instead of batting and try to beat Australia.
Pope Paul VII
Roar Rookie
Harris will never get a better chance to get a 100. Can't see any English miracles.
Ouch
Roar Rookie
Yes, its not over but the wheels have well and truly fallen of the chariot and it is highly doubtful they can be fixed within the next 2 days. Only weather can save England now i reckon. Their chance was last night with the new ball under lights and the only wicket they could muster was a run-out.
Once Upon a Time on the Roar
Roar Guru
Yep. If, for example, Australia get bowled out for 180 and Harris makes 100 not out, then they are genuinely valuable runs as we do want to set them 400-420. However, he has still gone in at 0 for +237, not 0 for 0 like in the first innings.
Big Daddy
Roar Rookie
CA and CH 7 have put a lot into making this series work but so far it's so one sided watching the big bash is a pleasure . England haven't performed here for a long while and don't look like it in the near future . If they win here and in Melbourne , Sydney and Hobart will be very interesting unless your a true tragic . I'm really concerned with the crowds being allowed into Melbourne and even people on this site have said they'll run the Covid risk to attend . A summer that's ok promised so much and delivered so little .
Ian
Roar Rookie
Playing like millionaires when they've only got a dodgy $20 note in their back pockets.
Jeff
Roar Rookie
Playing like millionaires.
Jeff
Roar Rookie
Time in the middle and getting some shots away wouldn't hurt.
Jeff
Roar Rookie
Can't see this wicket or the conditions offering those two much during the day sessions. Humidity is up a bit on yesterday by the looks of it, but not by much.
Ian
Roar Rookie
I would just like to remind my Roar friends that Jos Buttler is the highest paid cricketer in English cricket. He's on a base salary of £1.25 million a year plus match fees. Rory Burns is on £650,000 a year. To say we're peed off about this ashes series back here would be the understatement of all time. Just call it 5-0 now and bring these overpaid pretend test cricketers home.
DaveJ
Roar Rookie
Yeah, I’ll be a bit sorry if a big score saves him. Which I shouldn’t as he’s only trying his best. And he’s looked a bit better so far. Though I think we knew that there is less pressure when you are 250 runs ahead. Although he’ll be feeling a fair bit of personal pressure - maybe it’s not that different in his case?
Dwanye
Roar Rookie
Yeah sure, it not over yet. But there are more things to look at. First being this is a day/night. Second, that Sydney test was third one, after no bowler rotation. Three test in about three weeks I think it was. I’d be pretty surprised if Starc get picked this Sydney test. Thirdly, I big difference for me this year to last is catching. How many Aust drop first test? How many they drop this one? Put those numbers into last year, it would have an effect.
Reds Harry
Roar Rookie
Why the crowing and writing off of England while the match is still live? Australia clearly in the box seat, but they still have to take 10 more wickets. Once the match is won, you can carry on. England will be batting to save the game. Difficult, but as India showed last year in Sydney, not impossible in these days.
Linphoma
Guest
As the song goes, You only answer, perhaps, perhaps,perhaps.
Statler and Waldorf
Roar Guru
:laughing: I think they're allowed a covid Sub as well?? Maybe another avenue for them :laughing:
Ouch
Roar Rookie
Been hearing lots about how Jimmy and Broad were gonna do something this test. Not sure what. Maybe today is the day? :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
Dutski
Roar Guru
I’ve got my tin foil hat on for this but… given Broad was toothless in the first innings with the ball, what chance of him showing delayed concussion symptoms from that bump to the jaw and a fresh Mark Wood coming in as a concussion sub???