A tumultuous final hour pitched Australia within touching distance of retaining the Ashes after a grisly day for the beleaguered England cricketers at the baying MCG and the UK media pack is resigned to the series coup de grace.
“We are only halfway through, but already a five-Test tour has become a one-way ticket to perdition,” The Telegraph’s Oliver Brown flourished.
“Even when set against their whitewashed predecessors, this England crop are delivering the full spectrum of ineptitude.
“It would be difficult to script a grislier day than the fate that befell England here. Every time you think they cannot possibly dig themselves any deeper, they find fresh ways to confound.
“As England explored the extremes of their own incompetence, it was the final hour of this second day in Melbourne that held up the clearest mirror to the malaise.”
Nick Hoult, also writing in The Telegraph, said it was a final hour that all but sealed the fate of the Ashes.
“It was an hour that put Australia within touching distance of retaining the Ashes and a reminder of what an electrifying sport Test cricket can be when fast bowlers as good as Pat Cummins and Mitchell Starc get a scent of English blood,” Hoult wrote.
“They hurled themselves at the top order, carried every step of the way by fans beating on the ad boards and plastic chairs at the MCG, to undo all the spade work by James Anderson and leave England reeling at 31 for four, 51 behind Australia and any faint hopes of winning this game all but extinguished.”
Mitchell Starc celebrates after dismissing Zak Crawley during day two of the third Ashes Test. (Photo by Daniel Pockett – CA/Cricket Australia via Getty Images)
The Daily Mail’s Paul Newman said English Test was broken.
“It took just one tumultuous hour and 12 brutal, probing and pulsating overs at the end of the second day to emphasise that – and, even more pertinently, the domestic red-ball system has been broken by a white-ball obsessed ECB,” Newman said.
“Yet there will still have to be casualties from an away Ashes disaster that, barring any third day miracle at Melbourne from Joe Root and Ben Stokes, has been even worse than the last two series in Australia. And as they ended 5-0 and 4-0 that is quite something.
“It is hard to see how Root can carry on as captain once this becomes his third Ashes series without success in charge even if there is a total absence of alternatives.”
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The Sun’s John Etheridge saw nothing but a “humiliating defeat” looming for England at the MCG.
“England’s batting was in ruins once more and they are surely crashing towards another humiliating defeat,” he lamented.
“As for the Ashes? Well, their chances of regaining the little urn disappeared a long time ago.
“By the close of day two of the Third Test, England were in a state of shock with the scoreboard reading 31-4 – still 51 runs short of avoiding an innings defeat.
“So another – and pretty much predictable – batting collapse added to the anxiety of the COVID outbreak sweeping through England’s camp.”
Former England captain Nasser Hussain paid tribute to England’s bowling talisman James Anderson for a herculean bowling effort in Australia’s first innings.
“It would have been chaos in the camp before play, the will we or won’t we be playing, and on the back of being two down and getting outplayed again on the first day of the third Test I thought they showed a lot of character,” he said.
“That’s a word I have always associated with Jimmy Anderson. He has always had character and you could tell from his comments in the media this week that he was bristling at the questioning of the seamers and their lengths at Adelaide.
“He was entitled to bristle because, if you ask me what the problem with English red-ball cricket has been over the last couple of years, I would not say Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad, Mark Wood, Chris Woakes and Ollie Robinson.
“So Anderson, at 39, had to go out there at the MCG yet again and bowl with superb consistency and control to put batters under pressure all the time and dismiss world-class players like Steve Smith. Jimmy did what he has always done.
“For an hour England were subjected to the fiercest examinations by world-class bowling from Pat Cummins and Mitchell Starc in particular and the MCG day two audience were treated to great cricketing theatre. To see the way that crowd reacted, especially when Starc was on a hat-trick, to the Australian performance was incredible.”
Mike Atherton, in The Times, was captivated by the final electrifying hour of cricket as Australia seized control of the third Test.
“It was a magnificent end to the second day’s play; at once, dramatic, cruel, agonising and theatrical,” Athers waxed.
“A great ground and a sizeable crowd witnessing one team straining every sinew to cut the head off the snake — the term West Indies would use when discussing the pressure exerted on an opposition captain — and kill the game; the other barely clinging to the lifeboat in the stormiest of seas imaginable. Nothing in the game comes close to these moments in Test cricket.
“The final hour, dramatic and tumultuous as it was and potentially devastating as it was to England’s cause, did not reflect on what was, until that point, a good day for England, their best of the series. It had taken 11 days, but finally there was some positive news”.
Ali Martin, in the Guardian, painted a similar scenario as Australia fought back late in the day.
“A limp demise to 185 all out the previous day was never going to be easy to overcome but an 82-run first-innings deficit hinted at a possible contest boiling up,” Martin wrote.
“By stumps England’s fortunes were once again nosediving with a degree of familiarity at 31 for four; compelling viewing but ultimately a reversion to the one-sided nature of this series.”
“First came Mitchell Starc, thundering in from the Great Southern Stand End and knocking over Zak Crawley and Dawid Malan in the space of two balls, then Scott Boland, on his debut, vapourising Haseeb Hameed and the nightwatchman Jack Leach in the space of just three to send his home crowd berserk.”
The BBC’s Ffion Wynne described Cummins and Starc as having a “gladiatorial presence” inside the MCG coliseum.
“England’s batting has come under scrutiny in every innings of the series so far. But while their first-innings 185 all out was woeful, with several batters gifting their wickets away, Monday’s late collapse was very different.
“Starc and Cummins were a gladiatorial presence – the Melbourne Cricket Ground their coliseum.
“They had the ball swinging, bouncing and seaming and the inexperienced Hameed and newly-recalled Crawley stood little chance.
“It was ruthless, hostile, and often uncomfortable. It was also compelling viewing in front of a raucous Melbourne crowd.”
Dave
Guest
Good points. Though, despite struggles away (predominantly Australia), Woakes is more than Test standard at home - don't see many bits and pieces players with his record (nor Stokes). Stokes gets a pass (regardless of venue) because he's capable of the odd game-changing intervention.
sheek
Roar Guru
Guys, Let’s not get carried away here. The Aussie bowlers bowled well, but they weren’t challenged. The English batters were rooted in their crease. The Indian batters weren’t timid last year & only Cummins & Hazlewood of the ‘big 4’ held their nerve the whole series. I also bet the Saffies wouldn’t lie down without trying something different. This English team is disgraceful. I reckon the ordinary England teams of circa 1989-2003 had more fight, much more fight. Also, as great as Boland’s debut stats are, there’s a reason why he didn’t debut until the age of 32. That’s because there have been much better bowlers in front of him. What about poor old Richardson & Neser after their excellent performances in Adelaide? Perhaps one of them might have taken 7/55 match figures? Or Hazlewood, if he hadn’t been injured, might have been the guy to take 7/55? While I’m wonderful happy for Boland, he was damn lucky to get a start on his home ground. England are that poor, perhaps any of half a dozen bowlers could have achieved his stats. Remember, Cummins bowled superbly in the 2nd innings without taking a wicket. As one commentator said, he will take a swag of wickets on other days bowling much worse than this. Boland did what he had to do & got lucky. But England handed their scalps to him on a platter. Pathetic from them.
Curmudgeon1961
Roar Rookie
Spot on DaveJ. We have short memories these days. At that time there was so much talk about mental scars etc for India from that game. How did that turn out?
Linphoma
Guest
And that gentlemen is the essence of a Test. It is a test of your cricketing faculties, a contest not just a shooting gallery. And I'm afraid this English side just isn't up to the contest.
GrumpyT
Guest
Where is Colin Cowdrey when you need him.
CW Moss
Roar Rookie
I’m old enough to remember Beefy & Bob Willis breaking our hearts in the 80s but finally the grief has been resolved by this outright win ???? when we scored 267 in our 1st innings and won outright. :cricket: :happy:
Cadfael
Roar Guru
Wait for the comments about today's play. Four for 32 overnight, all out this morning for 68. 6 wickets for 36 runs. The English tabloid press will have a field day.
boxingkoala
Roar Rookie
Alistair Cook scored 165 in county cricket back in Sept. 37 years old. SOS to Cook to fly over and help his team out over the next two years I say.
Ace
Roar Rookie
I bet now Sheek that you are buying lottery tickets after forecasting that result
Ian_
Roar Rookie
And things only got worse after all these articles were written.
JGK
Roar Guru
And these comments were BEFORE the carnage on Day 3!
Mike
Guest
Yep - perhaps I was misguided with my optimism for an England fight back and us having to work hard for a victory. Unfortunately, the “non-cheerleader”English media will launch into a personal character assassination of the English players and squad. What they won’t do is accept any part in the national responsibility about their ability to tour Australia and be competitive. Their whole system and approach needs addressing. Launching a personal abuse of the individuals who are a product of their national system is just one part of the whole problem. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s all swept under the carpet with the thought that it’ll be different in the next Ashes in England. What I can guarantee is that Australia will be more competitive in England than this lot have been in Australia. Even when you look at a player like Ollie Robinson - yes, he has some skill, but he simply isn’t strong and fit enough. He wouldn’t stand a chance of making the Australian team with his lack of stamina and therefore drop off in pace. He simply isn’t up to the physicality of an Aussie summer and conditions. No cool afternoons on a green top and Dukes dished up on a platter for him here. How would he go on a dust-bowl in India on a 36 degree arvo? Not too well I reckon. Still, it’s not our problem. Our job is to keep hammering them and to love doing it! It’s their job to let the penny drop and go through a proper self critique. Will this happen or will it be more of the same? England are facing another 5-0 loss. Maybe they should ask why Australia has never lost 5-0 to England. There are answers to this.
sheek
Roar Guru
England lost by an innings, didn't even pass 81. This would be the most disgraceful performance by an England team I've ever witnessed. Yes, the Aussies bowled superbly, but England are just pathetic. Very sad.
sheek
Roar Guru
Mike, excellent stuff.
DaveJ
Roar Rookie
Another different example to think about - India all out for 36 - lots of handwringing in India over “humiliation” etc and maybe even some derision here about gutlessness/spinelessness etc. Not saying England will turn it around like India did, but just the silliness of dumping on teams in this way.
DaveJ
Roar Rookie
Precisely PIE, that is my reference, to both countries doing the same thing with the first class competition. The yobbo thing is a reference to the slightly snooty tone that creeps in to the Telegraph occasionally, which as you know is the favourite rag for well-off Tories. Having lived in your great homeland for a few years, I am attuned to a looking down the nose attitude towards Australians that comes to the surface now and then and is also sometimes directed at the British lower orders.
Pom in exile
Roar Rookie
The main difference between the two medias is that the English press don’t see themselves as cheerleaders.
Don
Roar Rookie
Great comment TB. There’s nothing better than test cricket where the batters look completely uncomfortable against quality bowling. And that in test cricket, bowlers can attack and set up an over or a few overs where they pressure and constrict, then tempt the batter to play an attacking shot with something a little wider, which might well see 4 runs hit, but also offers the possibility of a wicket if the ball does a bit off the pitch or in the air. Rather than endless slow bowling or wide Yorkers to stem runs rather than get wickets that 20/20 has become. Watching Cummins apply relentless pressure and then Starc doing the same after a loose first over was just terrific.
Pom in exile
Roar Rookie
Dave, that’s exactly what happened though isn’t it?! You’ve added the yobbo bit. No doubt that the English system is about face but I’ve heard the same thing said about the Aussie system last year against India. No one’s mentioning it this year because the Aussies are doing well but the Big Bash is running concurrently with the Test series not SS.
Mike
Guest
The positives for England - Stokes and Root are still in, their bowlers did magnificently, they caught well, one of the 4 wickets lost was bunny Leach so they’re effectively 3 down, and Australia have to bat last. The English press should focus on supporting their boys because if they can get a 150-200 run lead then this is game on big time! If England were to win then watch the English media flip to the other extreme. “English bulldog spirit defeats upstart convicts” “English heroes all deserve knighthoods” etc etc They are a very lampoonable bunch really.