The soap opera of rugby league: Random NRL predictions for 2022 season

The soap opera of rugby league is more fascinating than any scripted drama, political machinations or ‘reality’ TV you’ll see this year.

On and off the field, the Greatest Game of All can deliver a storyline from left field that nobody saw coming.

Like sands through the hourglass, the days of the NRL lives are never-ending when it comes to entertainment.

Here are a bunch of random predictions for 2022 – some you can guarantee* will happen, some are less likely than others.

(* – denotes not a guarantee)

Whatever happens, the NRL season – which unofficially kicks off with the All Stars clash in Sydney next weekend before Round 1 gets underway on March 10 – will be unpredictable.

2022 random predictions
Calls for the Bunker to be blown up by Round 3 at the latest. Whether it’s a subjective call or an outright clanger, the usual suspects will overlook the vast majority of correct decisions the Bunker makes to call for its immediate disintegration.

New Broncos captain Adam Reynolds will be one of the buys of the season, if not the best of the bunch. Brisbane have named him as their first captain to hail from NSW so you know they respect what he brings to the table. The captaincy role will not be a burden for the unflappable Reynolds, who will also hold titles of halfback, star recruit, goal kicker, chief playmaker, team butcher, baker and candlestick maker.

Story comes out quoting former club stalwart saying pressure is on current player to justify their pay packet.

Current player mutters under their breath that the old has-been is just jealous.

Panthers hooker Api Koroisau is technically eligible for NSW after being fined but not banned for breaking the biosecurity rules last year but he will not be picked again even if first-choice Blues hooker Damien Cook is unavailable.

Several Queenslanders request an early release from their contract after due to personal reasons and/or a serious bout of ‘homesickness’, with the Dolphins having millions of dollars spare in their 2023 salary cap.

NRL will claim to be considering Hawk-Eye-style technology after a match is decided by a dodgy forward pass.

Newcastle and Parramatta don’t qualify after making last year’s finals, with Cronulla and Canberra replacing them in the final eight.

TV commentator says “scrums are a joke these days”. These days of scrums being a joke have been going on for at least 30 years now, if not longer.

The antivaxxer ‘f**kwit’ who claimed on social media that Martin Taupau had died due to COVID-19 makes a much smarter decision to never leave their house to remove any possibility of ever running into the Manly prop.

Martin Taupau’s tweet on January 10.

Josh Addo-Carr scores fewer than 16 tries for a full season for the first time in his career. Canterbury’s backline is improving but it’s nothing like what he’s been used to at Melbourne.

The Maroons claim Origin underdog status for 43rd year in a row

Off-season recruit reveals he has “settled in well” at new club, makes astonishing claim that his teammates are “a good bunch of blokes” and it was “the best move of my career”.

After a couple of false starts, Roosters lock Victor Radley finally makes his Origin debut for NSW.

Rising star Will Penisini solves part of Parramatta’s ongoing problem at centre but Waqa Blake’s hot-and-cold defensive dramas continue to be a source of concern for Brad Arthur.

Shane Flanagan is linked to any potential NRL coaching vacancy.

Kalyn Ponga’s early-release clause will get more of a presence than Santa Claus if the Knights struggle early in the season.

Referees to be officially in crisis by Easter. At the latest.

Shaun Johnson is lauded as the returning prodigal son at the Warriors when he plays well but sprayed deluxe when he doesn’t, jogging his memory as to why he left the club in the first place.

Representative eligibility rules will be brought into question when a player declares they’re available for NSW, Queensland, three Pacific nations and England due to the rubbery rules that only apply in a World Cup year

Nicho Hynes rivals Andrew Ettingshausen’s status as Cronulla’s best of all time… in the looks department.

Titans marquee David Fifita is criticised for not justifying his seven-figure price tag. Anything short of three tries, 30 tackles, 20 hit-ups and five line-breaks per game will be deemed a disappointment by some.

Luke Brooks is blamed for Wests Tigers’ woes.

Jarrod Croker overcomes his knee problems and gets to finish his distinguished Raiders career on his own terms. Let’s hope so anyway.

Valentine Holmes will end up in the centres after again failing to nail the fullback spot, with Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow becoming the Cowboys’ No.1 option.

Player at new club denies having a point to prove before first match against old team, before going out and playing at a breakneck intensity which proves he’s really trying to prove a point.

The rebuilding Dragons will struggle and midway through the season the board will have to make a call on whether they’ll allow Anthony Griffin to continue overseeing the changing of the guard or bring in a new coach.

Rabbitohs newcomer Jason Demetriou becomes the first coach to guide a team to the top four in the year immediately after Wayne Bennett’s exit.

It will be a game of two halves and rugby league will be the winner.