BRETT GEEVES: 'Nonsensical' moment the ump love-in brutally ended - and only 10 vodka Red Bulls can set things straight

You can’t bump. But you can put both hands in the middle of your opponent’s back and push them to the moon… if you are a Geelong player, your opponent is wearing a Brisbane jumper, the game is being played at GMHBA Stadium, and the game is within a goal with eight minutes to go.

There is home-ground advantage, and then there is Geelong vs. Brisbane at GMHBA.

Poor Brisbane. They haven’t beaten Geelong since 2003, and they would have felt a strong sense of déjà vu after the experience of the horrible late-game umpiring decision that cost them last year’s corresponding game.

Remember that? Geelong up by two points with 29 seconds remaining on the live game clock when Zac Bailey laid a bone-crunching tackle on Mark Blicavs, who had prior and then dropped the ball like it was a handbag (a reflection of Geelong’s culture past), only for the umpire to call “play on” and the ball rushed over the goal line for a point. Geelong winners.

What people don’t know is that in the aftermath of that game, the officiating umpire, Bob Massingbird, looked at the footage in the post-game review and decided that Blicavs should be knighted in the New Year honours list, and the relatives of Zac Bailey should pay for the grass stains to be washed out of his shorts and jumper. And, in all future games between the two teams at Kardinia Park, Geelong will be granted impunity from the eight-minute mark of the last quarter.

Tom Hawkins of the Cats is congratulated by Tyson Stengle after kicking the contentious goal. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)

As an aside, let me preface what comes next with love for how well the Aussie Rules community have responded to the AFL’s request for greater respect for the umpires and their decisions with the introduction of the 50m penalty rule for umpire abuse.

The first four rounds of the season have been a celebration of the decision-makers. We’ve sung songs of their excellence, we’ve shared LOLs and even ROFLs, showered them in praise and smiled when they’ve made the inevitable blunder. It has been a dinkum love-in.

For all the trivia/history buffs out there, write this down as a key moment for the season and the game’s history.

Round 4 was when the love stopped. Courtesy of Nick Riewoldt.

“When an umpire makes a mistake, don’t give us that disgraceful explanation,” he said.

“That was nonsensical.

“That’s trying to dig yourself out of a hole with a completely absurd explanation.”

The explanation from Simon Meredith – who has officiated in over 400 games of league footy, only one of seven to have done so – to Harris Andrews was “you’re both running forward, the momentum took you forward, he’s held his ground.”

Gulp…

The relationship between players and umpires, across all sports, has always been a sore point for administrators.

Cricket brought in the spirit of cricket as a behavioural protection agent from players hitting each other with bats, but also to shield umpires from players’ verbal. And now the umpires are irrelevant at the professional level through the implementation of review processes, technology, and the third umpire checking every ball on replay for no-balls. They’re glorified hat holders, which they can’t even do in the modern world of covid restrictions, and realistically, the third umpire now has the hardest job. Oh, and the bloke responsible for removing the words stuck in David Boon’s moustache so he can complete full sentences.

Tennis hasn’t protected their umpires at all. You can smash a racquet into the chair umpire’s platform and play the next tournament. Johnny Mac was an icon for it.

NBA referees allow a certain level of communication, but at a certain point of disrespect, they’ll dish out the technical fouls and send you for an early shower. They hold the power.

Nick Riewoldt makes an excellent point. The break down for Meredith isn’t the decision itself, it’s the communication.  

Professional athletes, yes, amateurs too, understand that the umpires are human and that they get one live look, in real time, to make a split-second decision.

How they respond to what everyone on the field knows to be a blunder determines how the game moves forward. Provide nonsensical and physically impossible excuses? Watch the players hit each other with bats, swear loudly and cuss you out for the remainder of the game.

Provide clear, scientifically possible, concise, and honest feedback? Get the reward of respect and sweet love.

I was bowling to Simon Katich at the SCG on a 52-degree day, and NSW umpire, Darren Goodger, gave Katich not out on a strong LBW shout. It was so strong, it picked Michael Clarke up off the ground by his throat.

I was so mad I didn’t even listen to the explanation.

Ten years later, I’m in a Hobart pub, and I get a bear hug, from behind, from someone I can’t see, and whose  fragrance I don’t recognise.

“I F***ED IT UP, KATICH WAS PLUM, I’M SO SORRY, HERE ARE 10 VODKA RED BULLS, LET’S DRINK THEM TOGETHER”.

It was Darren Goodger, NSW umpire, and new best friend.

If the AFL are serious about protecting umpire and player relations following the outrageousness of that non-decision, they will implement the Cricket NSW umpire management strategy for conflict resolution.

Simon Meredith and Andrews going toe to toe at the Normanby Hotel this Sunday night in a live TV drink-off.

It would be more responsible than promoting gambling.