Stuck in neutral? Three reasons to cheer – or jeer – Parramatta in the NRL grand final

It’s the last game of the season, which means for the vast majority of footy fans, there is absolutely nothing left to cheer for.

Your team is dead and buried – some having let you down ages ago, others taking you to the agonising verge of glory only to have it ripped away in this, the cruellest month.

So what to do this weekend when the grand final rolls around? Two teams you don’t particularly care for will be on display, but footy’s no fun if you’re not at least a little bit invested in the outcome, so best to support someone.

Or, if you’re a bitter, angry, shell of a human – AKA a rugby league fan – then you may just prefer to have someone to boo. That’s fine too.

(Some may be eager to point out how I gave it to the Latrell haters last week, but I also clarified that booing is not inherently racist – it’s part of sport and it absolutely has its place.)

So today, I offer you three reasons to get behind, or stand in front of, the Parramatta Eels in the 2022 NRL grand final.

Cheers: The longest drought in the comp could be broken

When Parramatta won the 1986 competition, it was the fourth title they had secured in the ‘80s, a hot streak which included three on the spin from 1981-83.

In the 36 years since, the Eels have managed a grand total of zero grand final victories, although I’m sure there will always be an argument about the merits of awarding them some sort of consolation prize since their 2009 defeat in the decider was at the hands of a Melbourne side that was proven to be cheating and stripped of the title.

Thirty-six years. No active NRL player was even alive the last time there were blue and gold streamers on the trophy.

In the past ten years, we’ve seen Souths and Cronulla end historic droughts, wouldn’t it be nice to see a third?

Legendary Eel Peter Sterling (Photo by Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images)

Jeers: Your team could be a step closer to having the longest drought in the comp

If Parra get the win on Sunday, then the dreaded drought moves on, in this case to Canberra.

But geez the Raiders are a damn sight better than the Warriors and therefore more likely to end their drought before the Kiwi club claims any major silverware. So do fans of the now-once-again-Auckland-based club really want the Eels to win and bring them a step closer?

I know as a Knights fan, our 21-year wait for another premiership will feel even longer if all of a sudden the team we beat on that magical night in 2001 are no longer the thirstiest fans for success.

This is classic ‘my enemy’s enemy is my friend’ logic – and logic has no place in rugby league, so we’ll move on.

Cheers: It’s these players’ last dance together

This is in no way a reference to the Chicago Bulls doco The Last Dance, which every moron with a video camera started saying their documentary would be just like after Netflix paid however many millions of dollars to finally bring that film – which was decades in the making – to life.

Karl Stefanovic has an idea about a State of Origin film? Unless it comes out in 2050, don’t compare it to The Last Dance.

OK, (that) rant done.

I say last dance because this is a side that’s about to be well and truly pulled apart and this game represents their final match together.

Sunday is the final game in an Eels jersey for Marata Niukore, Oregon Kaufusi, Reed Mahoney, Tom Opacic (if he plays) and Isaiah Papali’i (unless he stays), while the injured Ray Stone is also headed for the exit.

That’s a huge chunk of the senior squad to be buggering off and it’d be nice for them to all go their separate ways with a premiership ring.

Ray Stone (Photo by Kelly Defina/Getty Images)

Jeers: Why is it these players’ last dance together?

For those who aren’t across the history of the Parramatta Eels, Andrew Johns summed the club up best on Friday night, calling it a viper’s nest.

It’s a place so rife with boardroom disputes and infighting that there are those who long for the good old days under former CEO Denis Fitzgerald, who oversaw that golden run of the ‘80s, then the first 23 years of the subsequent drought.

Case in point is the leaking of a document only a few short weeks ago – during this finals series – that was hardly flattering for the club.

The single sentence summary of the report is that nepotism is rife at a club where the most booed player in the team is the first-grade coach’s son, but said nepotism actually has nothing to do with the Arthur family – oh and the report may have been instigated because Nathan Brown isn’t getting picked to play and it was written by Nathan Brown.

It’s classic Parramatta.

And it probably had more than a little bit to do with why so many players decided they wanted out.

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Cheers: Mary Konstantopoulos deserves this more than any fan I know

I don’t know of anyone who loves their club more than my illustrious colleague Mary K.

A long, long, long-suffering Eels fan, Mary has been there through the lows – the salary-cap scandal, the wooden spoons, at least half the things Jarryd Hayne has ever done – and got to weigh that up against such highs as, like, um…

Yet she’s never wavered in her faith in and love for her club.

Of course, along with all this love of Parramatta, Mary has also built the ‘Ladies Who’ empire, establishing herself as a voice that genuinely matters and makes a difference in Australian sport.

The kicker? She’s one of the most genuinely lovely humans I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

If only for my mate Mary K, I’ll be supporting the Eels on Sunday evening.

Mary Konstantopoulos

Jeers: All those jerks who booed Jakob Arthur don’t deserve squat

But man, there was that crew of Parra fans who make it just so difficult.

As mentioned a little higher up, Parra is dealing with a question of nepotism, which Paul Kent suggested was due to Nathan Brown – the former Origin backrower, not the coach – having “gone unspotted at Parramatta for much of this season, and parts of others, the street whisper suggesting it happened about the same time Brown questioned coach Brad Arthur about his use of son Jake in the Parramatta team.”

Arthur the younger is 19 and, while a long way from the finished product, he has shown glimpses in his 18 appearances in first grade that he has a future in the NRL.

Yet fans of the club booed the teenager earlier this year. His offence? Running on the field.

You want to level accusations of nepotism, fine, but what do you reckon you’re achieving by booing a boy who is wearing your club’s colours before he’s even touched the ball or made a tackle that evening?

Again, booing has its place in the game, but it’s a response, not a starting point.

And if you think a green but promising talent whose supposed fault is sharing the coach’s DNA requires your ‘response’, I’ll again draw your attention to last week’s column: you’re probably a jerk.

And who wants to be lumped in with those kind of people?