Under the Pump: Wallaby who France will target, home coach risking fans' rage, and is Eddie whipping up 'turd soup'?

The second week of autumn Tests brings new pressures and resets expectations. Last week the south notched two wins out of two against the north, if Japan is so deemed, but both were achingly close.

The tale of 2022 has been inconstancy except for two teams: Ireland and France.

Who is under the pump this weekend?

Australia

The whole team is under the pump. They are in the Station de Pompage! The Wallabies tossed the caber just right in Edinburgh last week.

Andrew ‘the Bachelor’ Kellaway added to his Instagram rugby portfolio with a decent go at the bagpipes on the Mile. The jubilant team did reconnaissance on World Cup headquarters in Saint Etienne. Noah Lolesio discovered he is not an escargot fan.

But now they are in the capital for a late night party disguised as a Test match.

France are in their and are fine frontrunners. The key to bothering them is to start well; and not to be bullied. Easier said than done. The onus is on the pack; in particular, the tight five. To drill down even more, the biggest Wallabies have to be big.

Dave Rennie left the biggest Wallaby on the bench because he is too big. So, it falls to Cadeyrn Neville, he of the Welshiest name, to play large and wrestle with the likes of Cameron Woki. Neville has to lift, figuratively and literally, or it will be a short night for Aussie hopes. If the set piece or maul defence or restart goes south early, the north will run rampant.

(Photo by Chris Hyde/Getty Images)

We will see how Neville coped by how soon Will Skelton comes on.

The other Wallaby under the pump is prop James Slipper. Many teams target tightheads exclusively, but France is fond of going after looseheads.

Slipper had a bit of bother in The Rugby Championship at scrum time. The French will have studied that and fed the data into their secret algorithms and seasoned it with the insights of their referee on staff.

If Neville is scrumming behind Slipper, look for a second shove from the home team.

Finally, Jock Campbell, meet your moment, son! I don’t know how much is expected of him, but he will be tested as never before.

France

Being called the best team in the world for a year or two with the best player invokes some pressure, at home, hosting a Wallaby team not expected to stay within ten.

Being on top makes one a target. World Cup pressure on France begins now.

The focal point of that stress will be on the coach himself, Fabien Galthie. What has he done to ensure continued excellence?

The one thing about French rugby that is constant is their instant rage at their own team for a loss at home to an underdog.

It will be a party in Paris: a panic at the disco or a disaster at the Stade. An Arc de Defeat will be erected if they lose.

It would be so French to find a way to be miserable; perhaps the only way is to surrender their capital again.

New Zealand

The National Stadium in Tokyo held its collective breath last week as one of the all time greatest upsets loomed. It was not to be, but the sense afterwards was that the All Blacks had been outcoached by a Kiwi coaching team.

Another week, another Kiwi coach in opposition.

Wayne Pivac may not have the same swagger as Jamie Joseph and Tony Brown, but he will know how to counteract the counterattack. The problem? It is one thing to know you cannot afford a sloppy kick; it is another to never scuff a boot.

Still, the pressure to deliver a game plan which yields a definitive win seems to rest still on Ian Foster.

Some of the Welsh series in South Africa, as well as their narrow loss to France in the Six Nations, suggests Foster will need to deal with an opponent that refuses to play deep phase or from deep. On their day, the Welsh can excuse a negation game as well as anyone except France and South Africa.

Can Foster avoid a stodgy and scrappy win, or worse? The Kiwi fanbase is aching for something more akin to Bledisloe 2 or the Hamilton hiding of the Pumas.

Aaron Smith’s favourite place to play is in Cardiff. He may be the key to bringing out a rare Foster smile, because he can find runners and lanes in a second which did not seem to exist.

Wales has no pressure at all. Their alibis are well known and adequately articulated, like my tennis opponent recently who listed six ailments before we played, including the lack of childhood affection by his mum.

Argentina has similarly set the bar so low these Tests are indeed friendlies.

Yes, there is the Randwick Reunion Revenge theme, but this is not the old Michael Cheika. He is an evolved man, seeking some sort of enlightenment, not obsessing on one win or one loss.

Any pressure on Argentina this week is the normal kind all professionals impose on themselves: hit your lineouts, stop getting carded, and take your chances in this intriguing 2023 preview.

South Africa

Speaking of a World Cup preview: here is the mother of all of them, in Pool B.

No Test with South Africa is friendly until after the hooter. Even if they are among the least penalised of teams, their opponents typically sing songs with titles like ‘Fizikaliti’ and make very odd claims about how big the Saffas were, even if Kwagga Smith, Cheslin Kolbe, Kurt-Lee Arendse, and Faf de Klerk could all fit in Tadhg Furlong’s footlong.

The Springboks are in an unusually low pressure scenario. Underdogs, well settled, in good shape for next year, and their manic talismanic Tasmanian devil back in the box. A respectable loss to the number one team at home would do nothing long term to dent Bok confidence.

But imagine what a win would do? A statement indeed.

There are a couple of players who may feel some heat. Fiery Faf is clearly now relegated to second fiddle.

(Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)

He was already being superseded by old soul Jaden Hendrickse before his Adelaide Adderall moment.

But it would not take much for him to slip behind Cobus Reinach. He will need to show better composure and will likely have to either steer a win or catch up.

An excellent chance, but not without pressure because Rassie Erasmus and Jacques Nienaber will never allow a scrumhalf much rope before they hang themself.

Scotland

Adam Hastings takes over the flyhalf hot seat vacated by ill-fated Blair Kinghorn.

The Scottish rugby sport within a sport is to compare what the interloper does with the myth of what Finn would’ve done. Kinghorn was about 1:2 on that ratio last week. Finn would never have outrun all the Wallaby backline, but he would have made ‘that’ pass and ‘that’ kick, because he just does.

Mr. Hastings: prepare for a national forensic exam. The ghost of David Hume will be exhumed and applied to the task.

England

Apparently Eddie Jones could tank in the Six Nations twice in a row and feel no pressure, so why would a match with Argentina expose him to any problem?

Well, there is the problem of confidence. This is a home Test against a 2023 foe.

But if he loses, Eddie will just ladle a big pile of turd soup into everyone’s bowl and tell them it’s pumpkin.

He is immune to shame.

The pressure sits on Owen Farrell’s much-tackled shoulders. (He is the most likely beneficiary of the Luke Law: a bicep to the head is not that bad).

He has been the emotional enforcer all along, sometimes undermining the titular skipper, but now he is back both in spirit and title.

England has won 22 of the 33 Tests Farrell captained. Only three prior skippers have led England more.

Farrell’s manners will be in the dock: Andrew Brace averages two cards a game.

Everyone ready for this week? The pressure builds.