The Melbourne Storm will overhaul their roster after exiting the top eight for the first time in 92 rounds.
The decision follows the humiliation of the club’s atrociously reasonable 2-3 record and the failure to defend their premiership before the Origin period.
Powerbrokers met for crisis talks following another routine defeat to the Wests Tigers on Saturday, a loss that plunged the Storm out of the finals positions for the first time since 2014, leaving only 21 measly rounds to somehow salvage their season.
The club has endured a traumatic week in the lower socio-economic wilderness of the bottom eight, an unfamiliar world of existential dilemma where drifters and vagabonds freely prostitute themselves to Brian Smith.
After experiencing life within earshot of forlorn clubs talking swap deals for Robbie Farah, the club was left with no option but to sack its galaxy of ably-fit premiership stars.
The move will form part of the administration’s new strategy to “look to the future” with a fresh ‘Big Four’, which is tipped to consist of Cameron Smith’s three kids and Todd Carney on-the-cheap after his next indiscretion.
Storm officials are confident a full rebuild can bring closure to one of the organisation’s most arduous chapters, a period described by one official as “a pretty tough 72 hours.”
He also declared a destroyed playing list will restore the club’s image as one renowned for “mortgaging a position at the top table, no matter the paperwork involved.”
Coach Craig Bellamy immediately threw his support behind the administration’s decision, echoing the Storm’s ails being a “whole of team” issue by promptly dropping Brodie Croft.
Exclusive access to his Google history also proves he remains in good spirits about the current season, revealing searches such as ‘how to siege mentality’, ‘honesty session’ and ‘gumtree halfback’.
In addition, Bellamy will embark on a fact-finding mission to help prevent his club’s evolution as a perennially mediocre also-ran, beginning by studying professional ninth place side Canberra and doing the exact opposite.
Additionally, he will also seek legal advice on whether Cooper Cronk’s engagement is an illegal TPA.
bazza200
Roar Rookie
Well BA is meaning that he is also operating at the bottom of the ladder as well
Peter Phelps
Guest
To my knowlege, the Storm have rarely lost twice to any team and never 3 times in a season. This means that should they meet the Tigers in the Finals it will be retribution time.
Beavis
Guest
If the draw is so perfect how do the Storm face Wests twice in 5 weeks and then the warriors have 5 home games in a row.
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Yeah, we're back in the top eight. That was the longest five days of my life.
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Makes you wonder which team is REALLY leading the comp.
BigJ
Roar Guru
No you won’t Barry. With your blue and white Bulldogs blinkers on, you have no hope on understanding the bigger picture
BigJ
Roar Guru
No Barry you won’t be Big J’ing as you said as yet again you miss the big picture. I support teams based on their history of the club, underdog status and their location not whom plays for them I’m not a player follower. Again you have your blue and white bulldog blinkers on as you are going to follow the other teams due to the former bulldogs players not the clubs. Again you miss the big picture. Nice try though
Forty Twenty
Guest
The Storm won't click into gear until Cheyse Blair , the ex Manly champion outside back returns to lead the way. Meanwhile over in Auckland Blake Green and Peta Hiku are leading the Warriors to glory.
Fred
Guest
The Storm need not worry - they don't have to face the Mighty Glorious Wests Tigers again in the regular season.
Tim Gore
Expert
BBA, you can have my hyperbowl when you pry it from my cold dead hands.
Tim Gore
Expert
This is possibly the funniest line ever delivered by Mr Eldridge: "The club has endured a traumatic week in the lower socio-economic wilderness of the bottom eight, an unfamiliar world of existential dilemma where drifters and vagabonds freely prostitute themselves to Brian Smith." I salute you Dane.
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Graham still wears blue and white undies beneath his shorts, TB. Go the St George bulldogs.
Peter Phelps
Guest
Yeah How dare they be this professional. Did no one send them the memo that only heartland thugs with at least 3 brain cells but no more than 5 are allowed to play this game. Don't they realise that by displaying such skills, such intelligent play that players in NSW clubs are feeling discriminated against. Its high time that Todd Greenberg set the PC police on them . Unbelievable
Dogs Boddy
Roar Rookie
Gold Duncan, absolute gold.
Penrith Punter
Roar Guru
The club needs to be kicked out of the competition - they are an absolute disgrace!
The Barry
Roar Guru
That's brilliant thinking Dunc. This season might not be a write off after all. Graham at the Dragons, Blake Green at the Warriors, Reynolds and Thompson at the Tigers, bit skinny at the Panthers but we can claim Tim Browne. Vicarious rugby league supporting...I'll be Big J'ing it in no time !
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Thanks BBA, I live to communicate nude facts
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Dingo, what are you implying?
BBA
Guest
Finally someone who gets it without having to resort to hyperbole. Keep on keeping it real
DingoGray
Roar Guru
It's won't take a rebuild..... Just a review of Profit & Loss statement. Just carry a couple a brown paper bags and you will find it all BALANCE OUT!