CRISIS MERCHANT EXCLUSIVE: The standalone weekend for Origin 2 is the worst thing to happen to rugby league since community standards.
Even though it will shatter ratings records and further brighten the game’s star on the sporting landscape, how could the NRL organise this and then allow it to happen?
I’ve given the concept every chance to succeed by making my judgement on the Friday before it happens, but I can still only draw one conclusion.
In my decades of tirelessly serving the game with my agendas, this is the first turd of an idea in almost 25 minutes that I believe should send heads rolling at HQ.
If Todd Greenberg is pleading for us to #TalkTheGameUp, then I can only confirm that this Rep Round is not a catheter.
Firstly, let me begin by pulling a piece of charcoal out of the microwave.
Does the CEO not realise an entire weekend without club footy provides a fatal advantage to our rivals?
650 sets of AFL goal posts will already be erected in Campbelltown by the time I finish this sentence, and even FIFA are planning to brazenly capitalise with a tournament in the rugby league heartland of Russia.
Boyd Cordner. (Photo by Mark Kolbe/Getty Images)
It’s safe to say the fans too are terrified about the unavoidable takeover, as evidenced by my straw poll of 500 like-minded luddites on social media.
A landslide 145 per cent of the vote urged the NRL to combat the attacks by immediately reverting to a split round format, an idea which I also originally tore down. This way I can demonise it again and demand a better solution, which is obviously a standalone weekend.
But not only will a six-day preparation for Origin result in a third AFL franchise for Sydney, it will also dramatically dilute the quality of the fixture.
PC lefties will say you need to see a game to judge its standard, but I don’t need evidence to know it will be atrocious. That’s because I haven’t watched a match since 1976, as I’ve been preoccupied trying to spot Spud Carroll ordering a pressed juice in Maroubra.
Upon further forensic inspection, I can also confirm scheduling a game for Sunday night is dumb.
Not only is locking horns with Midsomer Murders commercial suicide, Sunday nights are a traditionally sacred time for families to loathe the imminent return on Monday to the slavery of working for capitalist dogs – and that’s just the players.
Why hasn’t the NRL copied the fabulous ladies Origin fixture by playing the match on a Friday night?
More notably, why hasn’t the NRL copied the ladies fixture by selecting some ladies? It demonstrates again the administration is weasely about social issues, unlike the AFL, who invented women.
Sources also tell me food and drink prices will be a disgrace – apparently they will charge money. I’ve also been warned the game may involve refereeing, and that the telecast will not be commentated by Ray Hadley, Paul Gallen or any of my other sons.
I’m calling upon Greenberg to immediately rectify this by moving the telecast back to Channel Two, right after our paper privatises it.
NRL CEO Todd Greenberg. (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)
Despite me labelling the standalone Origin weekend as the worst thing for rugby league since rugby league, many will continue to claim I am still biased against rugby league.
But while these haters will perpetuate their conspiracy theories that I am just a closet fan of the skills of other sports like AFL and soccer, I will always believe rugby league remains the Greatest Game of All for kicking.
And if you still think this makes less sense than a mesh roof tile, be warned; I’ve blocked mesh roof tiles on Twitter.
In summary, this disaster would never have eventuated if Greenberg just stopped Artie Beetson from whacking Mick Cronin.
Tune in next week, when I decry other ridiculous ideas like Magic Weekend and free health care.
Wally bwchara
Guest
Even though this article is taking the mickey it's still better quality than the garbage one newspaper puts out. Afl has psycophantic journalists in whose eyes the sport can do no wrong. League has journalists who aren't really fans of the sport and get more pleasure in writing bad articles about the game
Geoff Parkes
Expert
Superb Dane. And kudos for being man enough to acknowledge the AFL's leadership on social issues. Other sports can only hang their head in shame.
Justin Kearney
Roar Rookie
You better tell that to the nearly 700000 people they watched the game last night steveng
steveng
Roar Rookie
Spot on Dane and this ‘Does the CEO not realise an entire weekend without club footy provides a fatal advantage to our rivals?’ No he doesn’t Dane, the joke of all this is that the WC football in Russia is on and is also taking fans away, irrespective of the ‘Women’s SOO’ which btw conflicted with the Brazil vs Costa Rica game and must have been irrespective for ‘Todd Greenberg who is pleading for us to #TalkTheGameUp’ what game(s)??? There is no game to talk up as we are all watching either the WC or the AFL Mr Greenberg! Origin should be (as I’ve said a million times) a fortnight after the GF is played, that way, NRL will be still with the fans and NRL will still be able to attract other viewers.
Tim
Guest
There should not be a stand alone origin weekend. Someone could die.
Nice
Guest
Love it, Very Funny.... Clipper would have read this with an erection.
KenoathCarnt
Guest
Kinda sucks would be awesome to watch origin on Wednesday and NRL on the weekend.
Renegade
Roar Guru
Classic stuff Dane!!
qwetzen
Guest
Thanks for having the guts to let people know the real reason why Telstra share prices have fallen faster than Warnies hair. btw, how long did you work as Gerry Harvey's PR agent?
Peeko
Guest
Phil, I was in favour of Sunday but your elegant and well thought out explanation for the superiority of wednesdays has changed my mind Pure and simple
Kris Swales
Expert
Can't believe the free kick the NRL have given Hobart's Dark Mofo festival this weekend. Now millions of young Aussies will be making thought-provoking experimental sound-art installations instead of picking up Steedens. #Crisis
tim
Guest
Whoosh!
kk
Guest
Bottler of a go Cobber, From this day on I will visualise Todd as a walking talking pain free catheter. Hope you put in a tender to supply and erect 650 sets of goal posts. Nice little earner. 'unlike the AFL, who invented women' is worthy of a place in the NRL pantheon.
Mango Jack
Roar Guru
And they launched the career of The Killers. Is there nothing the AFL administrators can't do?
Scott Pryde
Expert
Absolutely sensational.
James Ditchfield
Roar Rookie
Hilarious insight my friend. Yes, we should all keep our eyes on FIFA - can't afford to lose that Russian audience and their nursery of young talent! I find it bizarre that their taking a New Zealand - England game to America when it wouldn't even sell out a stadium in either of the countries being represented.
Phil
Guest
Rambling rubbish but origin should be on a Wednesday....simple
rossco
Guest
You missed the main (and serious) point: Play it in DAYTIME.
Nat
Roar Guru
One of your best Dane.
Crosscoder
Roar Guru
I blame the stand alone SOO weekend for the Optus streaming debacle and Toy's R Us going down the toyhole. And no doubt ,altitude sickness for NRL players in Denver. Another episode of Code in Crisis",how many hits can rugby league take"? With apologies to Caroline Wilson. We gotta stop this atrocity. A well researched contribution Dane.