Women’s Ashes Test report card: 'A woman named 'Ash' in the Ashes absolutely an unfair advantage'

The women’s Ashes multi-format series began with the Test match at Trent Bridge. 

The match saw a significant milestone for Ellyse Perry who, in her sixteenth year of international cricket, has now played half as many Tests as Cameron Green. Congratulations, Ellyse!

Here’s the report card for the women’s Ashes Test

Test snitch cricket

Grade: B

The Test match is still shamefully worth a mere four points in the overall multi-format scheme compared to three ODIs and three T20s each worth two points. This seems crazy, right? The Test match should be a golden snitch in this multi-format Ashes.

Worth at least a thousand points. No, a million! A billion!

Sure, some will say it’d be out of whack to have one match in the series be worth so much more than the rest that it renders the others essentially invalid.

Okay, fine. Then to make it fairer, why not have, say, four more Tests, all worth the same amount as the first one. (Under this scheme, you don’t even have to play the white ball games at all. Unless you want to, as maybe a separate lower-valued series.)

It’s a crazy idea for an Ashes series, but it’s one that just might work. 

Sensibly using DRS

Grade: B

Australia’s debutant Phoebe Litchfield looked imperious in her Test debut, racing her way to 23 in her first innings via some glorious strokeplay until she foolishly left a delivery from Kate Cross that crashed back into her pad.

Even more foolishly, she convinced herself that she was out, not reviewing the decision despite the ball-tracking later showing that it would have missed the off stump. Careless from the youngster, who should have taken the lead of Perry. (This, to be clear, is just good general life advice.)

For when England captain Heather Knight threw the ball to her young debutant, Lauren Filer, with the England speedster zipping one past Perry’s defences, trapping her on the pad first ball and the umpire raising an erroneous finger, Perry was having none of it

She sent it upstairs immediately, where the third umpire approved the inside edge and overturned the decision. Still, it would save a lot of DRS time if the third umpire simply looked at the scoreboard. “Perry out for 10? Self-evidently ridiculous. You’ll have to change your on field decision.”

Being Ellyse Perry

Grade: B

Somebody who was doing her best to follow Perry’s lead was Annabel Sutherland, with the young all-rounder batting serenely at eight in Australia’s first innings.

To be frank, I admire anybody who possesses sufficient batting skill to be able to actually place a cricket shot. I’m mostly just grateful if I actually connect with the ball. Imagine also having a say in where it goes after that glorious moment of triumph. 

Annabel Sutherland of Australia celebrates reaching her century. (Photo by Gareth Copley/Getty Images)

As Sutherland rescued Australia from a semi-perilous position, the question soon arose, would she follow her senior all-rounder’s lead and also be dismissed for 99?

No, as it turned out. Instead, she went on to score 137* as Australia were bowled out for 473. It was a decision that had many of us disappointed. Doesn’t want the Perry mantle. Not willing to aim that high.

Although that score did briefly mean that she had a Test batting average 0.14 runs higher than Perry. So perhaps she’s not such a crazy fool, after all.

Mutant Healing Factors

Grade: C+

Not content with scoring a century on the second day of the Test in reply to Australia’s total, England opener Tammy Beaumont decided she’d also score another one on the third day, moving her score from 100* overnight to 208, when she was the last batter dismissed in England’s innings.

Why were the Australians not doing that thing they usually do where they crush the opposition side into subatomic particles? A pretty silly misstep, to be frank. Why would you move away from a tactic that’s worked so well in previous series?

Instead, England, led by Beaumont’s record-breaking innings, inched closer and closer to improbable parity with Australia. Even when Australia reverted to the molecular obliteration tactic, blasting out the tail to gain a ten-run lead on the first innings, and then surging away with a big opening partnership, England showed regeneration skills worthy of top tier X-Men franchise mainstays such as Wolverine, Deadpool or Rocky Balboa. 

Ashleigh Gardner. (Photo by Stu Forster/Getty Images)

The England team’s disintegrated atoms healed and reformed. Once again, they fought back, this time via the marauding Filer, a tall, dorky, fast bowling wizard, who is so much fun that, even when she’s taking Australian wickets, I can’t stay angry with her.

She started a collapse, knocking over both Perry and Tahlia McGrath, before Sophie Ecclestone completed a ten-wicket haul to again get England back into the match, bowling out Australia in their second innings for just 257.

Ashleight Gardner

Grade: A

Frustrated, Australia tried the cellular disintegration thing again, this time via the spin bowling of Ashleigh Gardner, who proceeded to take eight wickets in Australia’s second innings. Ashleight Gardner, if you will.

The haul of 8/66 and 12/165 for the match – the best in Australian women’s Test cricket history – gave Australia victory by 89 runs and a 4-0 lead in the multi-format series.

Imagine having players scoring a double century or taking ten wickets in a Test and still not being player of the match. And having that not even be a controversial decision. That’s the precarious situation in which England find themselves. 

Of course, it’s a massive advantage for Australia to have a woman named Ash in the women’s Ashes. An unfair advantage? Yes, undoubtedly.