Some years back, Maria Sharapova referred to her on court movement as being something akin to a cow on ice.
It was perhaps a slightly harsh self-evaluation of a great athlete, yet one always destined to appear a little awkward and uncoordinated on her feet.
Thankfully for Maria, she has battled through over the years, made almost US$40 million and ticked off each of the grand slam titles available.
Not bad for a cow.
Similar jibes, though not self-inflicted, have recently been directed towards one of the world’s most recognised athletes.
Just in case you have been living on Mars for the last three months let me fill you in. Usain Bolt has begun his Jarryd Hayne-like dream of playing professional football for a living.
Usain Bolt of the Mariners (Photo by Matt King/Getty Images)
So far, it has been a controversial and moderately successful endeavour, although the narrative did change somewhat recently, when the Jamaican found the net on two separate occasions during a pre-season trial with his current club, the Central Coast Mariners.
Life was so much more logical and settled when Bolt took to the athletics track and ran. Fire a gun and watch him go. It was simple and he always looked completely at ease and assured in his surroundings.
In contrast, his early exploits on a football pitch in the United States, Germany and on the Central Coast have seen him look far from comfortable. In fact, awkward would be a better description.
Such is the case when a player’s aerobic fitness is well off the standard of those around them and Bolt looked sweaty and flustered when he first took to the pitch for the Mariners.
Things have improved somewhat and he certainly appeared more confident in his most recent outing, albeit against non A-League opposition.
Bolt’s quest has brought out the worst in some. Expressions of rather adamant views that his journey is an insult to the game and a circus like farce have been commonplace.
Personally, while being well aware that Bolt’s success and ability to play at the highest level in Australia is something of a long shot, there is also a lovely romance and poetry in his attempt.
Dare I suggest Bolt is in no dire need of financial remuneration and that his motivations are as pure as can be. Furthermore, his and his club’s right to engage in a trial process is legal, adventurous and the terms of it are no one’s business but their own.
If the eight-time Olympic gold medallist is an abject failure, so be it. If he somehow manages to wriggle himself into a squad somewhere and spend a few years enjoying a cameo sporting career as a patron-pulling prop, good luck to him.
When Maltese club Valletta FC tabled an offer just a fortnight ago, I must admit to be being somewhat disappointed. Whether we like it or not, Keisuke Honda and Usain Bolt are the two biggest talking points in the A-League right now.
Yes, that’s right, Steven Lowy has been dethroned and the League has at least made something of a bang to start the season. Admittedly, thanks to the involvement of VAR and some rather rubbish officiating, not all of those reasons are positive. But you can’t have everything I guess.
I had hoped Bolt’s rather mad-capped quest for success might play out for much of the season and the cheap commercialism surrounding his presence provide the A-League with a much needed shot in the arm.
After the Maltese offer, those hopes appeared slim.
Then suddenly, amidst the chaos and drama of the Mariners clash with the Brisbane Roar on Sunday afternoon, the bombshell was dropped.
News of a contract offer to Bolt, who had remained at home and not travelled with the squad north of the border, came to light.
The first reaction of many was, no doubt, denial and when new Mariners manager Mike Mulvey denied any knowledge of the tabled contract in a post-match interview, the head scratching began.
Usain Bolt of the Mariners speaks with coach Mike Mulvey (AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)
It appears that despite the FFA being unwilling to dip into the marquee fund to ensure Bolt’s presence in Australia, the Mariners may have somehow found a way to financially and emotionally keep the great man on our shores.
Now the hunt for the truth begins and the next few days may reveal exactly the nature and size of the offer.
In reality, it is a situation that never really looked like coming to fruition. Bolt does look like a cow on ice and at 32, isn’t blessed with the time to be anything but.
However, have we read this all wrong?
A great athlete with a secondary dream has embarked on a journey. Perhaps his 1.95 metre frame is destined to look a little awkward no matter his ability?
Is it something of an allusion? Behind closed doors, perhaps knowledgeable football people have cited vast improvement and been drafting documents and number crunching, in order to facilitate the A-League debut of Usain Bolt.
If that is indeed the case, they probably should have told Mike Mulvey about it.
damo
Guest
I'm trying not to be cynical because I felt Bolt was genuine but I can't help but think I was mistaken & he's now embarking on a world tour of remaining relevant/ marketing & will continue this charade of wanting to develop himself & become a genuine professional but never finding the right deal. I'm sure there'll be quite a line-up of willing clubs in countries where he also has advertising deals for companies like Optus etc.
Simoc
Guest
Well Honda has been a marquee player everywhere he has played and Australia isn't high on the list of footballing nations. I see the problem for Bolt being that he may see very little playing time now that the season is underway. He is of course worth a lot to the A league as he attracts international attention as zero other players in the A League do.
Lancey5times
Roar Rookie
Who would have thpught when this began that both parties could end up looking foolish....? CCM have done the right thing by offering both what his talent is worth and also what they could afford (good thing for my Mariners that he isn't worth much as a footballer ????). But in putting forward an offer that the superstar that Bolt is would never accept they make this look even more like a publicity stunt. Did they really think Bolt hang out in Terrigal for a couple of years for loose change? Bolt on the other hand is now set to turn his back on his dream of being a professional footballer because the money is not right. He can't play this card anymore. At least wait till you are a professional footballer before you start acting like one. Just really messy
Punter
Roar Rookie
Dogs breakfast.
Alexander Clough
Roar Pro
Is this article a record for ageing the quickest? Unlucky for you Stuart but probably for the best and the right handling of it by CCM. Go in with a low-ball offer indicating interest. Bolt can refuse on somewhat justifiable grounds given his image, and everyone walks away having generated a bit of preseason interest and we can get on with what looks like a very good season of the A-League.
Buddy
Roar Rookie
Not sure where that is aimed really. I can vouch that Kangas attends and he can possibly vouch for me for what its worth. There again I don't come here to criticize the A League. I criticize the team I follow - as objectively as I can and I'll happily debate most topics until it all gets a little personal which it has a habit of doing so here.
Waz
Roar Rookie
The Y-League offers 8 games plus finals, that would be enough to accelerate his development however, the Y League would only further expose his technical deficiencies.
coolncold
Roar Rookie
"I have close to zero interest in who may, or may not, sign for any ALeague club. Even with my own clubs" That is your choice. However, why you want others to do the same?
coolncold
Roar Rookie
How do you know any among chris, Kangas, Mister Football, Buddy and Brainstrust above does not watch A league?
Griffo
Roar Guru
A couple of takes on this latest development from CCM. While Bolt may feel he's worth more commercially, this is really about a professional contract to play. And as Mulvey alluded to, where is he going to fit during the season right now? As a player with little experience a smaller wage contract is where it's at, but then supplimented by a third party agreement. He really needs a fully fledged Y-League to get game time, which may translate to bench appearances this season so he can learn the craft. Whether that fits within expectations and timeframes, as well as earning worth, remains to be seen.
chris
Guest
Kangas this whole exercise is starting to look like amateur hour. How can one be looking for 3million and the other thinking 150k? When they first sat down did they not think to get ball park figures from each other?
Nemesis
Guest
Posers who don't watch ALeague and only ever come here every single day to criticise ALeague are furiously offering their deeply asinine insights on whether a player should sign for ALeague. I follow ALeague. Have rarely missed watching a match my team plays, regardless of where I am or what time it is. I have close to zero interest in who may, or may not, sign for any ALeague club. Even with my own clubs - in AUS and abroad - experience has taught me to maintain no interest in potential signings until the "potential" is removed & contract is signed. But, glad to see The usual Roar Posers here with their petty little snipes.
Kangas
Roar Rookie
Are there many kids running around Melbourne wearing Honda shirts now ? Or is LeBron?
Kangas
Roar Rookie
Deal or no deal
coolncold
Roar Rookie
It is good to see three marquee players are mentioned here. Del Piero is a real marquee player. He plays good football and famous to a celebrity level. Honda, I watched him played in the derby last week with attention. I have ideas but it is too early to call. As for Bolt, he cannot play good football. He is just a commercial product. Probably, some players have learnt a bit from Del Piero but there is nothing worth to learn from Bolt. For decades, Bolt has just been trained to run fast and straight for 100 m or slightly curved 200 m. If money is just out of Mariners' pocket that is fine. Let's watch he plays with joy.
chris
Guest
Cheers
Mister Football
Roar Guru
People keep talking about the marketing value, but if no sponsor is willing to come up with a multi-million dollar package, then Bolt's marketing value is effectively zilch. Daniel Garb tweet: Bolt situation pretty messy now: - Mariners coach makes it pretty clear he doesn't want Bolt and knows nothing of a deal - Mariners refuse to comment on whether a deal has been offered - FFA confirms a deal has been offered
coolncold
Roar Rookie
Latest today, read: Beginning of the end? Bolt won't train with Mariners until agreement is made, https://theworldgame.sbs.com.au/beginning-of-the-end-bolt-won-t-train-with-mariners-until-agreement-is-made. There are 2 parts, the football and the commercial. For football, he may play in the youth league. For the commercial, that is like selling shirts with his icon, FFA will not sponsor. Who to sponsor?
Mister Football
Roar Guru
That's incorrect about Honda, 40k turned up to his first game, and there's no doubt he has dragged in a few thousand on his own. Also, the interest from Japan about what Honda is doing in Melbourne is huge. So it's definitely not an either/or discussion, you can achieve the marketing effect with a world class footballer (as Honda is).
Kangas
Roar Rookie
“Cheap publicity stunts and saturation media coverage work better than quality here. “ Totally agree , doesn’t matter how good Sydney fc were or Honda is , not many people care , it’s a celebrity world full of hot takes and bs “Other sports are low in quality these days yet bigger than ever in this country. “ Tend to agree as rugby union cricket and afl all seem to have regressed . Rugby league is ever improving imo