Selectors will sack Australia’s impatient batsmen following another collapse against India, with specific instructions to return to Big Bash cricket to learn to “bat time”.
The widespread changes have been mooted after the home side’s cluster-barney performance against India on Day 3, with the top six crumbling for a measly 151 in a stunning return to form.
A review of their dismissals left no other option but a stint in the Big Bash League, with coaching staff agreeing the technical frailties exposed could only be rectified with a heap of wide yorkers on a concrete strip, and because there is nowhere else to go.
As a result, those axed will be instructed to return to their respective franchises to “patiently occupy the crease”, preferably at “around 11.5 per over.”
While the discards are said to be struggling with the news, selectors have urged them to do what “every axed Aussie Test batsmen has done before them” and “earn a recall smashing journeymen for Alinta maximums”.
This flush-out of rejects back to the Big Bash – the first since the last flush-out almost a year ago – will finally see a raft of internationals return to Australia’s famous Test breeding ground.
The League has established itself as the nation’s premier Test shop window in recent summers, where simple skills like a cultish floss or “danger value” can earn the attention of selectors.
Additionally, it has operated successfully as a workshop for discards to patiently tinker with their game, mainly as it allows the luxury of facing 20-odd balls coming in at four, usually from a bloke from Campbelltown with “wheels”.
With Australia currently in fifth in the Test rankings and relying on an anonymous batting line-up which they are currently considering dumping to a T20 league to regain form, it’s obvious the Big Bash League has had a significant influence on the baggy green.
Just look at Peter Handscomb, whose blistering 70 for the Melbourne Stars on Thursday night proved the domestic competition is providing the adequate depth the Test squad craves, especially when it comes to bowlers.
The Victorian was axed from the Test team following its win in Perth, partly due to a string of low scores but mostly because his technique is ugly and Shane Warne didn’t like it.
Critics rightfully compared his methods to witchcraft, with many pleading with coaches to save his career with an overhaul or by simply burning him at the stake in the town centre. Either way, he was dead to Australian selectors.
But now Handscomb has overcome the disappointment to be back in red ball contention, putting him on the cusp of returning to the game’s challenging places like India and the front foot, and all it took was one T20 knock and a batting epidemic.
There is no doubt having Test cricket underpinned by the Big Bash will continue to reap immediate results for Australia, probably within three days.
Rooster lover
Roar Rookie
We get the joke The CunningLinguistic but that is the problem it has got beyond a joke now. First team to lose to India on home soil it looks like. Alot of work to do.
Mitcher
Guest
It’s my feeling that the level of actual understanding of cricket in the wider population - and seemingly general intelligence - has declined at the same alarming rate as the quality of batting. I’m not at all surprised at a few of the names above being those to completely miss the point of this one. Disturbing is indeed the perfect word.
Rabbitz
Roar Guru
Lord help 'em, they just aren't that bright.
TheCunningLinguistic
Roar Rookie
I’ve got to say, Dane- I’m a little disturbed and disappointed that so many missed the satirical tone of the article. Not to offend, but it wasn’t particularly subtle... And yet many didn’t pick up on it. Troubling... That said, a fine pice, I enjoyed it thoroughly!
TheCunningLinguistic
Roar Rookie
It’s a joke, son...
TheCunningLinguistic
Roar Rookie
Did you guys seriously miss the joke? I’m troubled by the lack of wit & reading comprehension these days, Dane- I fear your fine, sardonic humour was lost on them.
TheCunningLinguistic
Roar Rookie
— COMMENT DELETED —
Rooster lover
Roar Rookie
Well said Geoff and Big Daddy!
Geoff
Guest
And what will that do? We need batsmen that can build an innings, and play with a straight bat. It’s about time the administration took responsibility for degrading Sheffield Shield. You reap what you sow.
Reesy
Roar Rookie
Yes next time I’ll read the article properly. ????
Big Daddy
Guest
All the time in the world spent playing T20 is not going to help some of these guys. Its about having the talent, consistency and application and a couple of these guys just don't have it for test cricket.
Rooster lover
Roar Rookie
Hahaha well said Jorge of Brisvegas, i admittedly didn’t look at it like that which in itself is a sad reflecion on the state of Australian cricket at the moment or more so the Aussie batters.
1st&10
Guest
Well said, Reesy.
Cadfael
Roar Guru
I feel there is an oxymoron here. Play BBL to spend time in the middle? It isn't called thge Big Bash for nothing.
AREH
Roar Guru
Classic piece - good to read. What irks me possibly the most is that Australia's top 6 contains - for mine - 4 names that are far superior at white-ball cricket than they are at the longer stuff. Finch, Head and Marsh x2 are more than valuable limited-overs bats, who don't seem to have as great prowess in long-form. Granted, Head has adapted better to test cricket than most thought, and Shaun Marsh has played some classy, important test innings during his time (once he gets past 20, of course) Meanwhile you have players like Joe Burns that can occupy the crease and display 'test match batting' sitting on the sidelines. What Australia would do for their own Pujara, who can dig in and bat for an extended period. I think the only man capable of that, is the suspended former captain.
Leonard
Guest
To "spend solid time in the middle"!!! Has to be a 'tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek' bit of satire, poking mullock at both our cricket's idiot HQ, and at the nature of the T20 version of this great game itself!! Surely not meant to be taken in any (let alone 'all') seriousness!
Kris Swales
Expert
Such a shame Herath retired before the SL series in Jan. A month of facing off against Clive Rose’s hair would have our bats primed to end his career.
Slapsy
Roar Rookie
Ha! Ha! Ha! Well said Sir. This current test,is the perfect example,of why the BBL should be the last reference for picking the test team.
Big Steve
Guest
cant tell if this is serious or not. well done. although it says more about cricket australia.
Jorge of Brisvegas
Roar Rookie
@Reesy @Rooster Guys, C’mon........pretend reading is different to inhaling ...... do it, pause , reflect , then ask yourself “What WAS the author really trying to get across to me, the reader ?” As KH sports fanatic articulated later than your posted comments , one of the greatest lost arts is irony. My friend Dane here gave us a slower ball. Knuckle ball Yorker that took out middle stump. Well played sir, well played.