Usually, this is the time of year when people are enjoying the start of their preferred football code’s season – or looking forward to the finals in the case of the A-League – and the most common type of article is one concerning the season ahead.
I wrote one such article just last week. But this weekend includes a different kind of contest, one that relates to a very important facet of sport that has been approached in the wrong way.
In recent times there have been a number of discussions centred around sports stadia policy.
The NSW government is planning on doing something about two of the major sports grounds in Sydney, though what form this will take changes on a too-frequent basis, with NRL teams considering whether to centralise their games to play at the shiny new facilities.
The Queensland government is suggesting that they aren’t that fussed about spending taxpayer money on the facilities themselves aside from minor improvements and increased transport funding.
Meanwhile the AFL has announced that the grand final will continue to be held at the MCG until the 2050s.
The MCG will host the AFL grand final for decades to come. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)
The new A-League expansion clubs are gathering funds to build their own boutique stadia after spending a few years at whatever ground is convenient or not.
While the discussion surrounding these topics has been vigorous, there is something that is lacking from such discussions: that is, to put it bluntly, that every single sports ground is terrible, no matter how great they are.
That may seem to be an oxymoron, but there isn’t a single unnecessary luxury that an architect can include that will take away from the fact that they are just awful places.
That’s not to say that some aren’t better than others but the main thrust of the argument is that there is fundamentally no such thing as a ‘good’ stadium.
I am fortunate enough to have been to a number of great sports grounds around Australia and the world.
I’ve seen the AFL grand final at the MCG, the Super Rugby final at ANZ Stadium, Test cricket at the SCG, football at Parramatta Stadium, rugby league at Penrith, American football at MetLife Stadium, basketball at the Boston Garden, US minor league baseball and ice hockey at smaller arenas and Florentine football in, well, Florence.
I have seen the highest level of sport being played as well as the lowest amateur level. No matter what, the arena is always garbage.
That’s not to say a terrible venue means that what you experience in a place isn’t great.
Some of the best live music I’ve heard has been in a place where I’m glad the dingy lighting meant that I couldn’t see what it was making each step a little difficult.
The great sporting moments I’ve experienced had less to do with the venue than I do with the foreign policy of Bosnia and Herzegovina.
A great moment is a great moment regardless of the venue. And no matter what amazing upgrades are done to a stadium, it’ll still have all the terrible things stadia entail.
No matter whether it’s a sell-out or half full, a stadium will never have enough toilets.
The simple reason for this is that everyone is going to want to go at the same time: during a break in play.
If they were to build a stadium that didn’t have a line at every bathroom it would be one where every seat is a toilet. While that may be attractive to some people, I certainly wouldn’t want to be around someone that interested in such an arrangement.
As such, this is a problem that can be somewhat mitigated, but will be ever-present no matter what the attendance is.
The new Allianz Stadium still won’t feature enough toilets. (Image: Facebook/Allianz Stadium)
Speaking of crowds, getting to a sporting venue is always a hassle, wherever you’re heading to or coming from.
The roads are always clogged, the parking expensive, public transport packed or not all that convenient for the stadium itself, or else a walk through the city where there never seems to be a convenient route to take.
But at least you can time arriving to your own tastes so that you can avoid most people arriving at the last minute.
Once the match is over, that’s when the problems really begin. Getting away from the crowds after a match is never easy.
The car park becomes, well, an angrier car park. The public transport is even more packed and crossing the street is hampered by the hundreds of people trying to get through in the eight seconds the green man gives you.
Although this is more of an external issue, let’s head back inside for what problems the interior of a stadium will always have.
Like the music venues I mentioned earlier, sports stadia are notorious for their sticky floors.
Especially at the end of a season, after many thousands of beers have been spilled all over the place, the sensation of your foot sticking to the ground and having to slightly force it to lift it isn’t something anyone enjoys, which is amazing considering that food and drinks are overpriced to absurdity at every sports arena.
Surely every morsel of food and droplet of liquid that touched the ground would be a tragic loss – I know I hate if I drop anything. Maybe the crowds have something to do with all the dropped and spilled food and drink.
However, a canny fan can plan ahead by timing their toilet breaks away from the rush and with apps now available for many grounds that mean you can order food from your seat, you don’t even have to wait long for the overpriced food.
The stadium even offers free Wi-Fi. Except it doesn’t work, so you have to use 4G anyway. Although considering how awful Wi-Fi is in this country, that might be a boon.
It’s now considered necessary for these things to be included in the design of any new stadium, but there isn’t a single reason why anyone would actually want to use them.
It’s not as though they make the experience better, despite what designers and obstinate fans will tell you.
Even in America, where taxpayer-funded professional sports facilities are very common, stadia are still hampered by the same issues that they all have.
I love live sport. I will continue to go to many games of all types.
However, there is one thing that will never play into my thinking. Just as a wedding isn’t more special because it’s in a cathedral instead of a backyard, the Rose Bowl isn’t special because it’s played at the Rose Bowl Stadium, the FA Cup final isn’t special because it’s played at Wembley, and the AFL and NRL grand finals sure as anything aren’t special because of where they’re played.
Events are special. Event venues are just there to let the event happen.
So, despite what sports leagues, clubs, governments or the population tell you, every new sports stadium ever built is just a newer pile of garbage than the one it replaced.
And the sooner we start getting over the idea that they’re ever going to be nice places to go, the sooner we can get on with our lives by not spending time, money and column inches on what the stadium should have beyond seats and a field or court to play on.
Jordan
Guest
Former Adeladian here, been living in the US for the past 8 years. Visited Adelaide in 2014 and fortunate enough to catch a game at the new Adelaide Oval. The SA state govt nailed it with AO! Couldn't get over how well the stadium worked. Drove into town, parked at a Hindley St multi-story parking, no problem. Grabbed dinner off Hindley, quick walk over the river, plenty of room for the other 50,000 folks to move. Killer seats. Enough time to grab a beer between quarters. Crows win, and a very easy exit. Foot traffic moved pretty quickly, at our car and on our way in 15 minutes. Easy.
Brendan
Roar Pro
A brave article. And, one that I enjoyed. What is the perfect stadium? Well, many patrons would say comfort. For example, it’s within our right to request a roof that will protect us from the elements. Strangely, not every seat at the new $730 million Allianz Stadium in Sydney will have this luxury.
Scott
Guest
Nope. The practical and compelling reason for them to do so is that the measuring system is way more practical to use, and a compelling reason for 300 million people’s lives to be made easier everyday. Billions of the rest of the world went through it easily enough. It should be easier for them to change now, then it was for the rest of the world 50+ years ago. Americans have been using the metric system way more then any other country did before switching. Oh and they know how to count to 10 so they should be fine!
Seymorebutts
Roar Rookie
I went to Windy Hill in 1988.... at quarter time everyone would run up to the beer and pie stands, get two cans of VB and a pie...be ready just in time for the next quarter... gotta admit, after getting there in time to watch the second half of the reserves (a tradition back in the day) dont remember much about the main game. Woke up on me mates front lawn the next morning with the Sunday paper nearby, went inside, opened it up and read that the Bombers had won.
Leonard
Guest
"It really is amazing how the richest and most advanced country in the world is so far behind on such an important common sense thing." Or could it be that being (and I quote) "the richest and most advanced country in the world" there is no practical or compelling reason to do so, to go through the nuisance of such an immense change in an economy of 300,000,000 people? A quarter of a billion people can get along quite efficiently without these changes.
Doctor Rotcod
Roar Rookie
The Kasson Act of 1866 allowed the use of metric units. In 1911 the Littaeur Amendment sought to change the official weights and measures in the US to the metric system but was defeated because some states had a industry selling "customary" equipment to South and Central America. Skyscrapers were built in feet as were sports grounds and railway gauges and crops and metals were measured and still are, in bushels, pounds and ounces. There are still athletics grounds in the States with 100 yard and 100 metre,sorry,meter tracks laid out. If it wasn't for the SU system,science would probably not exist in America. Cultural appropriation at its most malignant. The biggest stadia are owned by the wealthiest few.Ask the ticketholding public how they feel when their team is sold to another city. That is not the path that we're ever likely to take here, but if football abandons the salary cap would another group buy a team and build a stadium?
anon
Roar Pro
One of my favourite sporting memories is a Friday afternoon game at Wrigley Field. Optus Stadium is a hollow bowl built in the middle of nowhere in comparison.
Mister Football
Roar Guru
I'm having a bit of fun with it, I've seen more than my share of live sporting events over the decades. Every now and then, it occurs to me just how good staying home can be.
Pelican
Roar Rookie
Port survived because the SANFL no longer control their finances. Port have turned a profit every year since those theives were shown the door by the AFL.
Doctor Rotcod
Roar Rookie
I remember going to Victoria Park with a Hawks supporter back in the 1970's and the effects on him of having someone pour a container of a pale yellow liquid on him from a stand above are etched in my memory. Not enough facilities was my enduring thought He laid waste to his surroundings and we were both thrown out. I was a broth of a lad myself back in the day so there was some effort involved
Scott
Guest
Your opening a can of worms here. I could rant for hours over the bloody imperial system. The only reason it still exists is because of the US. Only Liberia and Myanmar still use it. Those are nearly the poorest countries of both Africa and Asia, hence 2 of the poorest countries in the world. Apparently, back in the day, religious conservative nutjobs in the US were calling it the devils language. Even today some Americans are still trying to defend it as a better system, it’s insane. It really is amazing how the richest and most advanced country in the world is so far behind on such an important common sense thing. Every time I lose skin of my knuckles, from rounding a 1/2 inch with a 13mm socket, I curse the Yanks. They have literally cost me hours of extra work, they are holding up the world. I bet we’d have flying cars and hover boards by now if it weren’t for them.
Scott
Guest
That all depends on each persons taste. I hate watching my team play at home. If I can’t go to the game I always go to a pub with the best atmosphere. The more people the better for mine, but that’s just me.can understand where your coming from but
Leonard
Guest
Does anyone know why, four decades after changing from imperial* to metric measurements, some things are still in inches? * 'imperial', because in 1824 the British parliament passed an Act to standardise all measurements of everything throughout the empire (then including about one sixth of the world); until then there were many variations to measures like the mile, the pound, the bushel and the gallon. The US uses the term 'customary' instead of 'imperial'; the US gallon was smaller than the imperial gallon, it never used 'stone' for people's weights and short road distances under (I think) half a mile are in feet, instead of our former yards. BTW1, teenagers are now becoming re-familiar with our old measurements through TV, the internet and social media. BTW2, I've never heard teenagers describing their hunks / spunks as 'one-point-eight metres tall'.
Winnie the Pooh
Guest
Don't forget also, you can usually watch from the comfort of your car and rarely are asked to move your auto from the touchlines in Sydney. It's mind boggling they want to build as big or bigger than they had. They only need 15 to 20k venues. To guarantee sellouts you would need to only need around 7,500 k capacity grounds.
Cosmic Wizard
Roar Rookie
The Colosseum also had a private entry and exit for the Emperor, the Senators and their guests; no mixing with the plebs!
Rob
Guest
Lots of words to say "id rather stay home and watch it on telly"! I can only guess you havnt been to Optus Stadium in Perth, and perhaps the AFL grand final you were at was in 1971? Stadiums today are freaking awesome... they are comfortable, have heaps of amenities and are designed with the sports being played there in mind. I personally love going to live sorts events and am so glad were not still being forced to go to places like Victoria Park or the Whitten Oval... but each to their own i guess...
Paul D
Roar Guru
It’s not a great analogy, no. A better analogy would be watching an adult film on the internet vs watching it on the film set as it’s being shot You’re still not allowed to participate but you’re closer to the action. But if you’re watching it at home you can be sans pants and no one cares.
Big Daddy
Guest
Apart from ANZ and the new Parramatta stadium the suburban grounds are pretty ordinary. Sure some have invested in upgrading but while the NRL continue with the current program nothing will change. Secretly they would like to play all matches at ANZ and Parramatta but it's inground in the Sydney clubs this home ground structure. I think one of the prerequisite s back in gallops day was they had to have a ground which was acceptable for the genera public.
Leighton
Guest
Some food for thought here. I would agree there is an inflationary effect as bells and whistles get added. And we all pay. But it is worth pointing out that stadium designs are now predicated on safety. The terrible deaths and injuries from soccer stadiums in the 1970s and 1980s led to huge changes and thank goodness for that. Access and safety are now paramount and we should pause and thank the stars that Australia has never had to experience such disasters as those such as Hillsborough.
Rellum
Roar Guru
Yeah, I remember more us being the ones going to slaughter at the hands of the Windies.