Some sporting facts for you to unquestioningly accept

By Ben Pobjie / Expert

Sport isn’t about feelings or impressions; it’s about cold hard facts.

For example, Essendon defeated Hawthorn in the 1985 VFL grand final. That’s a fact. Dirk Wellham scored 103 on his Test debut at The Oval in 1981 is another one. Sport is full of facts, and it behooves us as sports fans to accept and embrace them.

With that in mind, here are some solid, irrefutable facts about sport that every sport lover should know. I do not submit these for discussion; they are here for you to learn, agree with and internalise. Educate yourself.

  1. The solutions to the problems plaguing Rugby AU will be difficult and complex, but it is certain that they do not involve Alan Jones in any way.
  2. Twenty20 cricket is nowhere near as good as Test cricket and never will be.
  3. Men who feel the need to publicly announce, unprovoked, that they don’t watch women’s sport are locked in a ceaseless battle to prevent themselves being swallowed up by the vast well of sadness that dwells within them.
  4. The Sydney Roosters are inherently unlikeable.
  5. Mankads are absolutely fine and bowlers should be encouraged to perform them at every opportunity. Anyone who says they are unsportsmanlike is a big fat crybaby.
  6. Michael Hooper would be better on the wing.
  7. The Waratahs are doing it on purpose.
  8. Nick Kyrgios is a pretty fun guy.
  9. AFLW games are worth paying for and should charge for tickets next time around.
  10. What sports you like and dislike is purely a matter of subjective personal taste, except for horse racing. Horse racing is awful.
  11. Josh Dugan is slowly turning into Andrew Fifita.
  12. The haircuts in the NRL this year are the worst they have ever been.
  13. Sportsmen who think it’s no big deal to suffer repeated head trauma are a bit weird.
  14. Being suspended for 12 months means after 12 months you get to play again without being told that you ‘owe the public’ something more.
  15. The Western Bulldogs are probably the AFL team you’d most like to go camping with.
  16. Day grand finals are better than night grand finals. The NRL grand final is worse at night. The AFL grand final will be worse if it ever moves to the night.
  17. It is perfectly reasonable, going by recent history, to conclude that NRL coaches are mostly jerks.
  18. Basketball is okay. But don’t get carried away.
  19. We are paying nowhere near enough attention to Ash Barty.
  20. Rugby union needs to introduce mandatory yellow cards for penalties conceded inside one’s own 22.
  21. Rugby league needs to introduce contested play-the-balls.
  22. Aussie Rules needs to introduce half of every TV commentary team to unemployment.
  23. Footy ground hot dogs are usually better than footy ground pies.
  24. The best sporting publicity campaign ever was rugby league’s 1989 campaign featuring Tina Turner’s What You Get Is What You See. They should bring that back. For every sport.
  25. Netballers should be allowed to run all over the court whatever their position.
  26. Professional sportspeople are almost always pretty damn sexy.
  27. God doesn’t care who wins any sporting contest and He never will, so you can stop all that praying stuff.
  28. The Footy Show has been dead for five years and somebody needs to inform Channel Nine of the fact.
  29. Again, Ash Barty.
  30. Sportspeople smiling and joking with opponents after a defeat is a sign of good sportsmanship and a healthy sense of perspective, and should be applauded.

That’s all for now. You got that?

The Crowd Says:

2019-04-10T03:29:51+00:00

IAP

Guest


I find the carry-on about women's sports, particularly the contact sports that they just started playing, incredibly condescending and patronising. Case in point - Taylah Harris's kick. It was like it was the greatest kick ever, even though men have been doing exactly the same thing for 100 years. The unsaid words at the end of every superlative about women's sport is "for a woman". That's what everyone means but is afraid to actually say. Just call it as it is; have some respect for them as people, not just women.

2019-04-09T04:12:31+00:00

Wal

Roar Guru


More so a reflection on Tomic and Kyrios getting far to much attention. On results alone they should be buried on about page 6 or 7 of the sports section.

2019-04-09T00:23:59+00:00

Marlin

Roar Rookie


Cycling

2019-04-08T20:46:18+00:00

Morsie

Guest


AFL players should be allowed to pass the ball properly, even grid iron style, in any direction, and to tackle properly. That would make the game interesting.

2019-04-07T16:58:27+00:00

Spinosum

Roar Rookie


Hello LK - perhaps the players have been hit on the head ten times more than they can endure with brain cells intact. A bit like bull riders who go out with a bag of marbles . . . no marbles left then a rodeo bull rider

2019-04-07T13:55:53+00:00

Chris Love

Roar Guru


I stopped watching the NRL footy shot not long after Sterlo’s exit. It became too much loutish banter and not enough about the game. Even Matty John’s does it way better these days.

2019-04-07T04:42:17+00:00

Don Freo

Roar Rookie


That's the point often missed about Kerry. He knows cricket at every level, he lives and breathes it and he enjoys it. What he says is always insightful (although his 'Jason Sangha is the future' might have been OTT.)

2019-04-06T23:26:43+00:00

Paul

Roar Guru


Why? O'Keeffe has a sense of humour I enjoy and he also makes some telling observations on the game. He's streets ahead of the Warnes, Slaters, Healys, etc who treat the commentary box as a place to relive past glories. As Rellum said, only guys like Rogers, Ponting and Alison Mitchell come close to Skull.

2019-04-06T23:00:12+00:00

Spanner

Roar Rookie


Same with basketball - the last 5 mins is plenty ????

2019-04-06T22:58:18+00:00

Spanner

Roar Rookie


You are being silly, Paula !

2019-04-06T22:42:46+00:00

matth

Roar Guru


Fact: Australian soccer fans are overly sensitive and Australian soccer fans are overly sensitive about being overly sensitive.

2019-04-06T22:39:07+00:00

matth

Roar Guru


But that’s true of all sport. The A-League is nowhere near the standard of the EPL but people still watch it. Same for NBL, In Trust Super Cup. Heck it’s the same for the early rounds in a tennis tournament. Anyone who watches the Titans week after week. People don’t just watch sport because it’s the best otherwise club competitions wouldn’t exist apart from the best one in the world, and in the end those comps would have two teams.

2019-04-06T22:29:24+00:00

matth

Roar Guru


Fact: Breakdancing has been approved as an Olympic sport.

2019-04-06T19:54:25+00:00

Laurence King

Roar Rookie


Swimming fits in with this idea. Best to show only the last 5 metres of any race.

2019-04-06T19:29:02+00:00

Laurence King

Roar Rookie


What's all this talk about fitness, endurance, strength, being an athlete etc., got to do with something being a sport or not? All of the above tend toward you getting hurt because you end up playing against people who are also like that. These sorts of people tend to have issues with body image, arrogance and life-long problems with injuries that all stem from the fact that they tried too hard. Best to be a little over-weight, not too fit lest one strain something. Chess fits into this line of thinking with ease, especially as it allows one to drink beer while PLAYING. Which brings me to my second point. Playing! People who are too serious, aggressive, competitive (you know where I'm going with this) aren't PLAYING sport, they're just got psychological issues.

2019-04-06T19:05:50+00:00

Laurence King

Roar Rookie


But they do qualify by reason of having to carry injuries into middle and old age as do all true sports.

2019-04-06T19:01:17+00:00

Laurence King

Roar Rookie


And chess would fit the bill there.

2019-04-06T14:49:12+00:00

RobPeters

Roar Rookie


1. Not only did Dirk Wellham score a test century on debut, he is only one of three players in cricketing history to score a century on debut at both first class and international level, and is the only player to captain three states in the Sheffield Shield. 2. I also wholeheartedly agree that t20 is the fast food equivalent of cricket, ODIs are the mid priced sit down family restaurants and test cricket is and always will be the fine dining experience. 3. Cricket administrators have strangled the laws of on play behaviour where there are no characters left in the game. 4. Female tennis players should be allowed to wear whatever they want on court if it makes them feel comfortable. 5. If the US wants to export its sports to other countries, they should allow equal share of other international sports into theirs with the same amount of exposure. 6. All commentators of all sports should be trained before being allowed to sit in a commentary box. Just because they played the game doesn’t mean they should be allowed to write or commentate on it. 7. Before any player represents his/her team or country , they should have a good idea of the history of the jersey/cap their putting on and why it means so much to the people they represent. I get very annoyed by sportspersons who lack understanding and importance of their team’s history and great players. 8. E-sports and chess are not sports. 9. What happens on the field should stay on the field. If players have issues with their coach or administrators, they should keep it behind closed doors, and not use social media to criticize or condemn as it is nobody’s friend. 10. Lots of the stuff at the Olympics are not sports. Some examples are synchronized swimming, diving and the ribbon twirling event, equestrian events (eg dressage) and trampoline. 11. Great players do not make great coaches.

2019-04-06T09:47:54+00:00

J.T. Delacroix

Guest


A bit like jazz, Slane. The musicians love playing it, but the vast majority of listeners can’t get away fast enough.

2019-04-06T00:57:30+00:00

Oblonsky‘s Other Pun

Roar Guru


Overhyping Australian tennis players is a curse. She's getting the perfect amount of attention – she gets praise for her successes, and is always supported, but not overhyped so the pressure is too much. Ash is also very down to earth, and not the sort of woman who wants to be in the spotlight all the time.

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