Apparently the AFL is rapidly becoming a police state.
Apparently passionate footy fans are being persecuted for their enthusiasm, harassed and ejected from games purely for engaging in good-natured banter and exercising their God-given right to question umpires’ parentage and/or species.
While I enjoy a good brouhaha as much as the next fellow, and I appreciate how great a relief it is when we are talking about anythin’ but what’s happening on the field – which to all true AFL fans is of very little interest – I have found myself strangely unable to summon very much umbrage when it comes to the authorities’ brutal crackdown on innocent fandom.
It’s hard to say why. Maybe it’s because I’m jaded. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen so many causes fought and lost that I fear the pain of seeing another crusade fail. Maybe it’s because most fans at football games are wankers.
Yes. Yes I think it might be that last one, chiefly.
Look. I agree it’s every person’s right to be a wanker. And it’s not just fans at football games. Fans at cricket games and basketball games and rugby games and… Let’s just cut to the chase and be clear: either live sport attracts wankers in disproportionate numbers, or the atmosphere of live sport has a tendency to bring out one’s inner wanker.
Either way, there’s wankers left right and centre.
Does attending live sport bring out your inner wanker? (Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
I love going to the football, but it’s a trade-off: the excitement of being up close to the action is just about enough to compensate for the horrible company of my repellent fellow human beings.
The way they bellow obscenities three feet away from my children. The way they scream “Get up you dog!” at badly injured players. The way they boo incessantly at people who have committed the unforgivable sin of not playing for the booer’s team.
The way they express near-psychotic strength of opinion on a game the rules of which they have only a passing acquaintance with. The way they spill beer on you.
And, yes, the way they abuse umpires. Or referees, or whatever match officials are present.
I recognise that calling an umpire a maggot is a time-honoured tradition and integral to the experience of watching footy for that large segment of the footy-watching community who don’t seem to like watching footy very much, judging from how easily their enjoyment can be spoilt by the prevention of abuse.
But lots of things were time-honoured traditions, once upon a time. Bareknuckle boxing. Burning witches. Racism. And so on. We can get over it.
Not that we have to. Because really, the supposed draconian crackdown on fans is just a few cases of loudmouthed guys getting told to pull their heads in because they’re ruining it for everyone else.
And I’m sure they’ll not stop for long anyway. People are going to keep booing and keep yelling abuse and keep calling umpires names because they made a mistake, something the average football fan is convinced they do on purpose for no other reason than that it gives them a kick to ruin the hopes and dreams of the working class.
Where do we draw the line with the fans? (Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
And that’s fine, I guess. I don’t actually want a ban on wankers at the footy. While there’s always a point at which it can go too far, I’m prepared to live with obnoxious people making the game less enjoyable by their boorishness. The AFL isn’t becoming a police state, but neither do I think it should.
But if you are carrying on like a prize tool at a game, and you feel like security or the cops have been too harsh when they come round to tell you to zip it…well, I just have no sympathy. Because the fact you have a right to be a wanker doesn’t mean you should, and if being dragged off by the cops ruins your night out, now you know how I feel whenever you open your big fat mouth.
Spanner
Roar Rookie
One of my faves is "are you a cricket umpire - because you havent moved from the cricket pitch all day ?"
Goalsonly
Roar Rookie
The AFL has the best of intentions (following the Adam Goodes Doco) in educating it's public (with a uniform) but not having seen this doco I am still not sure the exact reason for that booing. It doesn't make any sense that it was purely racist. Why single out Goodesy? What does make sense is that Goodes was getting some preferential treatement as has been seen commonly with the games stars as they are the main marketing tool used to promote the game. This tallys with recent other booing. Nothing to do with the other. That would be what I call good booing as the administration is being called into order for some sloppy admin. Now if the AFL can make the fans look like they are the bad guys even though the fans were giving them a wake up call, having seen through their little starmaking marketing ploy. Is this an attempt to control perceptions? It's not too hard to find a fan losing their shit in public as it has long been a socially acceptable place to do so. Obviously fan behaviour is now on the agenda and probably this conversation will be beneficial no matter how sloppily it is chaired. But if the emperor has no clothes and the fans can't boo then how do they make an effective protest.
Kewl
Guest
I feel sorry for your kids, you are weak!
Grints
Roar Rookie
I had a friend who use to call out "are your eyes painted on umpire?" - was a great one because its not overly offensive, gave her a way to non aggressivly tell an umpire what she thought and always got a laugh from anyone in earshot reguardless of who they were barracking for
Grints
Roar Rookie
I think we all have been guilty of that one at least once in our footy viewing careers but your spot on – the reason me and most of the crowd are AT the footy not plsying it is because we cant kick for s*%t… but we abuse a player for missing a target or a goal…
Fairsuckofthesav
Roar Rookie
Yep my blood boiled when I watched some Swans fan berate and boo Crow Ken MacGregor when he came off from the SCG in the mid 2000s blood streaming from his forehead. There is a difference between good natured banter and parochialism that lacks any empathy understanding or just plain commonsense. Unfortunately all clubs have such supporters who need to grow up.
Ron The Bear
Roar Rookie
“What you say is offensive. But I’m a comedian; I’m funny or at least ‘edgy’.”
Ron The Bear
Roar Rookie
“Basket of deplorables” talk… it was a winner for Hilary and it’s sure to go down well with footy fans. Crowds were at an eight-year high but the AFL has gone and shot itself in the foot.
M B
Guest
Hello...Frank Walker from National Tiles.
Slane
Guest
I have more of a problem with the government wasting my taxes than with a private citizen wasting his own money. Very cringey ads.
Ball Burster
Roar Rookie
Let's not forget that this is the same journalist that said “Sean Abbott hits Phil Hughes in the head, continuing the tradition of Abbotts f****g up Australia”.
Peter the Scribe
Roar Guru
That’s even worse. A private citizen lecturing on family peace. Utter rubbish and a waste of air time.
Yattuzzi
Roar Rookie
I thought you meant the Cat.
Republican
Guest
........it is a forum to vent, the coliseum. There is certainly a Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde syndrome in respect of some fans, baying for their weekly dose of blood. A school of thought exists that it's far healthier to foster a freedom of less than savoury expression. So is any overt contempt, prejudice, bile et el at the footy a good thing, as opposed to ensuring a clinical lid is kept on it, to one day be released uncontrollably from the pressure cooker, onto the streets? Where is the line drawn and are we too precious these days, I'm not sure but I will call out what Adam Goodes experienced as Racism, whether understood or not by said perpetrators, it was about his aboriginality in my opinion and that's unacceptable. By setting out to temper some of the mobs socially degenerative behaviour, do we actually make any impact on the human condition, i.e. are we effectively capable as a society of educating the masses, or do we force this human condition i.e. prejudice, tribalism, intolerance, racism, underground? Is it too idealistic for us to expect to be able to raise the bar of any social status quo, to absorb these expectations over time, as inherent of footy fan etiquette? I would hope so.
Crosby
Guest
Bingo! They are also at the roar here and are usually the ones to call out everything is PC and then get passive aggressive and angry when you disagree with them. They can attack umpires but you question them about anything and boy they will get angry????
Dwanye
Roar Rookie
Hi all. I only attend test cricket now days with any regularity. I never like the tosser at Sport or any where else in life actually. Much prefer sitting at mates house or by myself in front of tv for Origin. Hate the all knowing person next table over yelling at the screen let alone at a game. Even at test cricket sit with the radio earpiece trying to block out the one twit screaming out a few things every over, whilst those around cringe and hope the move to bar, leave or get removed. Ah, the self important wa*ker.
Jonboy
Roar Rookie
'' Say Sorry ''
Jonboy
Roar Rookie
Gil needs to Jaffa, the AFL certainly got a lot wrong again.
Jonboy
Roar Rookie
Good one Olrac, i always thought Joffa was a flog (idiot) but i was obviously wrong.
Jonboy
Roar Rookie
Flog ? ''brain dead shoplifter " ?