Following his superb display for Australia in the first Test, selectors have assured Joe Burns of his position in the team by confirming it will still be determined using a dartboard.
While the current squad will remain intact for Friday’s Test in Adelaide, this could see the opener rewarded for his fine knock of 97 with either a baffling spell as 12th man, or perhaps a stint for Queensland – maybe in water polo or state politics.
Burns fell agonisingly short of a century at the Gabba in a splendid return to national colours, in the process combining with David Warner for a 222-run opening stand in a thumping innings-victory over Pakistan.
But despite the Queenslander’s assured performance, and his four Test centuries, career average of 42.06, his fine record with Warner, and the lack of any other better-credentialed replacements, doubts remain over his position.
Selectors were said to be secretly unhappy with his innings of 97, singling it out for poor ticket sales and for “regrettably delaying” the long-awaited return of Australia’s most valuable batting hero, Marnus Labuschagne.
(Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)
Additionally, the panel is still worried by aspects of the Burns’ shot selection, with strong concerns remaining over a shot he recently played in 2001.
They believe the rash stroke shows the opener is still short of being a genuine long-term option at Test level, despite the shot being played when he was 13 years old, and in a game of putt-putt golf, and on a PlayStation.
Questions also remain over his fielding – as per the first rule of Biased and Vague Selection Policy 101 – with his neat pair of catches in the slips written off by the panel because he “used his hands”.
Such logic has seen Burns bizarrely marooned between domestic and national duties since debuting in 2014, with selectors rigidly adhering to their policy of only making decisions on the batsman after at least 15 coldies.
This has contributed to the 30-year-old being dropped five times in his 17-Test career, with his most recent demotion coming last summer after he left selectors no choice with a failed 180.
Prior to this, he was axed two games after scoring 170 against New Zealand, and was one of six victims following the South Africa thrashing in Hobart after carving out a lengthy stay in the side of almost 72 hours.
AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy
But in a break from tradition, the Queenslander was able to demand a recall via Australia A with scores of 0 and 11, however it is believed selectors mistakenly read this in binary code as ‘yoga enthusiast’.
In a crowded race of middling options at the top of the order, Burns’ innings has now seemingly separated him from squad rival Cameron Bancroft. This is not only by numbers, but by demonstrating an ability to execute the classic opener’s trait of taking the shine off the new ball, only without incurring a nine-month ban.
Bancroft, along with Marcus Harris, will remain the greatest threat to Burns’ position, especially after selector Trevor Hohns endorsed the West Australian by declaring “the improvement in his game is quite noticeable”.
However, after 57 runs at 11.40 in the Shield this season, many are unsure what Hohns’ reference to ‘game’ could be. Many have speculated this could refer to Bancroft’s fielding, or perhaps his form on Connect Four. Either way, he’s definitely in.
In the meantime, selectors have vowed to keep treating random players with torturous decision-making and communication, with the panel pledging their commitment to prejudice in the team’s weekly Values Meeting.
They firmly believe illogically axing stuff has worked well in the past, as evidenced by success stories like Usman Khawaja, Brad Hodge, and whatever is currently being broadcast at 6pm weeknights on Channel Ten.
In the meantime, Burns is excited at the chance to be history’s first batsman to be tapped on the shoulder while in the process of raising his bat.
Daniel
Guest
It's the Actuary's Institute. Please take it seriously mate :silly:
Marty
Roar Rookie
So there are no WA players in the 11 and Harris, the only West Australian in the team, was dropped in favour of Burns, and this shows that there is favouritism towards WA players? I think that says a bit more about your own bias than anyone else’s.
Dave the bat
Guest
George will need to learn the run out rules if he is going to continue in the game. (bitter Queenslander)
Dave the Bat
Guest
I was going to suggest the move to New South Wales (low talent often selected) or Tasmania (token selection) but I think these will be ineffective. He could change his last name to ‘Marsh’, perhaps.
matth
Roar Guru
Yeah nah. Burns tonned up in NZ. He has hit 4 centuries and a 90 in 17 matches. It’s more than one good performance. But given your wariness about a ‘good performance or two’ just remember to apply the same approach to a bad performance or two, something Burns has rarely been afforded
Gibbo
Guest
Don't worry about Burns, rumour has it the whole Australian cricket team has been sold to China!
James ward
Guest
Very fun Jphn. To be fair Graeme Marsh was Rodney's brother so that must count for something
Philip Austin
Guest
What Burns needs to do is change his birth certificate to say he was born in Western Australia. It has always worked a treat for the Marsh brothers, Bancroft and now Cameron Green ( potentially the best all rounder I have seen in years according to Langer). Problem solved.
DTM
Guest
His non selection for the Ashes may well have prolonged Joe's career. Had he played and failed, he may well have never been selected again. Given the problems our openers had in England and Burns is marginally better than Harris and Bancroft, it is quite likely that he too, would have failed against some good bowling in challenging conditions (neither of which he got in Brisbane).
Micko
Roar Rookie
“His failure to post a score of three figures in the Gabba Test was quite alarming!”
badmanners
Roar Rookie
Coz Langers still got a daughter to marry off.
Ragnar
Roar Rookie
You forgot Bacchus Marsh
Big Daddy
Guest
One thing is that Joe is used to it. Dropped then reselected, dropped reselected. So it won't come as a surprise if it does happen. What Joe has to do take some photos of a selector in a compromising position and hope for the best.
HR
Roar Rookie
Nah, it's the name Marsh that's important. Go far enough back and they're all related.
Big Daddy
Guest
And now we will have George Bailey replacing Chappell as a selector so we will see a push for Alex Doolan come back into consideration. It also ensures Wade will keep his spot for the next couple of years or even better George might be reincarnated.
Clifto
Roar Pro
"a failed 180", genius! :laughing: Yes the Bancroft thing bemuses me. His technique often looks ropey and his form in the Shield poor - so why is he waiting in the wings to drop back into the XI?
Steele
Roar Rookie
You could argue that he was lucky not to play in England. His reputation could have gone both ways in those tougher conditions. Now he gets to the whole summer to prove himself. He won’t get dropped for the next couple of series. He has been treated shabbily, but he’s no Brad Hodge or Deano either. There’s levels to this!
Jeff
Roar Rookie
"if “he’s the right pedigree” What a shame they're not all actually related as it ruins your attempt to make a point. btw, what connection does/did Justin Langer ever have with Dan Marsh, given he debuted for South Australia and played out his career with Tasmania?
Johnno
Guest
The most bizarre part of the whole Seection process is the continued appointment of Trevor Hohns as Chairman. Hohn's whole philosophy around selection stems back to him reading Wayne Bennett's book and decision making process Bennett went through to demote Wally Lewis and eventually axe him from the Broncos. A decision which ultimately paid dividends for the Broncos. Hohns states that that same philospohy lead to Healy being axed for Gilchrist a decision which again paid dividends. What Hohns forgets is that Wayne Bennett rarely sacks players and does his level best to get the best out of every player, is a great manager of players and their welfare and never makes them feel like the next mistake is going to be the end of their career. I'm sure Burns was thinking he hadn't done enough to warrant selection for the 1st Test and found himself in, then does enough to warrant/justify selection but still thinks he'll be dropped, because the Slip catches he took were too easy and 97 isn't enough. The Chairman of Selectors should not have that influence.
JOHN ALLAN
Guest
Geoff Marsh, Rod Marsh, Dan Marsh, Mitchell Marsh, Shaun Marsh or Graeme Marsh. Oh that's right he was a golfer but what does that matter if "he's the right pedigree".