What a dive: why this league fan just cannot commit full-time to soccer

I am rugby league through and through. Born into it, raised with it, forever live it, absolutely love it. (13 weeks until the NRL 2023 season kicks off but who is counting?)

What I am not, is a ‘soccer person’. I don’t hate the game, it’s just not for me. Never has been.

I will however always happily cheer for Australia in sport. I’ll watch pretty much anything when green and gold are involved.

And I can admit, just like a huge chunk of our nation, I watched John Aloisi wave his shirt around in the air after scoring THAT goal against Uruguay in 2005, when Harry Kewell etched his name into the history books in 2006 by sending us into the Round of 16 for the first time ever, and more recently Andrew Redmayne’s audition to join The Wiggles which also funnily enough got us into the 2022 FIFA World Cup.

I have watched the Socceroos past two games over in Qatar. I even branched out and dabbled in a few of the other nation’s matches just so I could join in the discussion at our Monday meetings here at The Roar without resorting to my usual reply of “Yay sports!”

Now, what I am about to tell you is a secret, and I will deny it until I am blue in the face … but I have been really enjoying it! I don’t know all the names, and definitely don’t know all the rules, but have been genuinely been getting into the World Cup.

“That bald guy is really good!”

“Danielle, that’s Aaron Mooy,” my husband informed me.

“Wow, not-Grey Wiggle is on fire!”

“That’s Mat Ryan.”

“Why is the ref spray painting the ground?!”

“It’s a special foam like shaving cream, and it’s so he can mark where the defenders need to stay behind in a free kick.” He is a patient man, my hubby.

I was disappointed when we lost our first match to France and was on the edge of my seat screaming at the TV during Saturday night’s victory over Tunisia.  I knew it was a big deal when Argentina lost to Saudi Arabia, same for when Japan beat Germany.

I’ve been chatting with friends who are huge followers of the game, and they were shocked that I could engage in a conversation with them about the World Cup.

Could it be? Is a rugby league girl actually going over to the dark side? It felt good. It was nice. I was having fun.

You almost had me soccer. You almost had me.

Just as I was getting a little too comfortable, it hit me. Along with the ridiculous way of how soccer officials keep the time and then for some unknown reason hold on to how long is actually left of the game like a secret, l remembered the main reason why I just cannot and will not follow this sport full-time.

Diving.

When two players run next to other, one then throws themselves on the ground, grabbing a part of their body that did not make any contact with the opposition, and proceeds to roll around in absolute ‘agony’ like they have been shot by a sniper from the crowd.

Ugh.

And I got so angry! I had been lulled into this false sense of happiness and then slapped in the face with the ridiculous reality.

Did these players ever read ‘The boy who cried wolf?’

Even the late great Robin Williams took the mickey out of this ridiculous spectacle.

Don’t get me wrong, diving is not isolated to just soccer. It has reared its ugly head in my beloved league on many occasions.

Who will ever forget the vision of Paul Gallen winking at his teammates after he laid down long enough to earn his team a penalty after some soft contact? I’m grinding my teeth just thinking about it.

Last season, we had players ‘allegedly’ remain on the ground holding their necks, forcing the referee to stop play and have a look at the horrific act of violence that absolutely no one else saw and in fact did not happen.

But thankfully, it hasn’t reached the levels that soccer produces. And I hope it never does. We all remember this beauty.

If the NRL can nip it in the bud before it becomes a big issue, we may be able to avoid what the soccer community will never be able to.  And it may help people like me turn from a casual viewer into a complete supporter.

Well, not me exactly, I’ve learnt my lesson. But there may be others.

Penalties, five-minute sin bins, making the players sit in the corner with their noses against a wall – I don’t care what rugby league needs to do, just do it. Feigning injury has no place in sport.

I will continue to watch the Socceroos campaign and will be cheering them on in Thursday morning’s must-win game against Denmark like many of you reading this. But as quickly as I learnt all of the words to Ole Ole Ole Ole, I will unlearn them. I tried, soccer fans, I really did try.

As for the players, coaches and administrators of the NRL, you are on notice. Don’t let our game end up here.

Earlier this year I wrote a piece on which rule you would change if you were Peter V’landys for a day. While working out what to include like the bunker, captain’s challenges and eligibility, my nine-year-old son yelled out from the lounge room “anyone caught milking should immediately get sent to jail.”

Harsh, but fair.