Melbourne Storm’s predicted fade-out is now eight years overdue, raising obvious questions as to whether the club is the climate change of rugby league.
Establishmentarians were promised that the Storm’s domination would subside after the 2010 salary cap penalties, thus returning the competition to its NSWRL glory days of being solely subordinate to the Broncos.
However, almost ten years later, the condescending comparisons to Barcelona keep stacking up.
With seasonally adjusted data now predicting relentless top-four finishes until Cameron Smith’s great-grandchildren retire, do we begin to consider the club’s domination a transient cyclical event or a permanent and irreversible man-made monstrosity?
Is their mystical culture a hoax upheld by conspiracy theorists and pseudoscience or just a routine periodical occurrence like John Hopoate saying something dumb?
As often discussed on many weekly think tanks, the comparisons between the Storm’s success and global warming are stark.
Scientists say the earth’s natural climate cycle occurs over a period of approximately 20,000 years, which is around the same time before the Storm will next miss the NRL finals.
Additionally, with global warming driven by burning fossil fuels and the Storm by Craig Bellamy, both are powered by industrial-scale emitters that have blasted holes in the atmosphere.
So will the globe cool down anytime soon? Or, more importantly, will our descendants ever witness Melbourne run a Raiders-like tenth?
The debate over both topics will rage forever, with some sides sure to selectively overlook evidence like they’re grading a Josh McGuire facial.
But whatever way you lean, it is accepted Melbourne’s domination is here to stay if Bellamy coaches forever – and you can’t rule him out running the team from the grave out of fear of appearing ‘soft’.
As the Elon Musk of the game, Bellamy is able to produce a sustainable militia with minimal resources, much like the Tesla doyen does with cars, only with more hyper-extension.
(Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)
Even with loose cells like Cameron Munster and no halfback, the coach can generate power with the kind of bit-part players who would only qualify as ‘NRL stars’ if they were a suspect in a tabloid crime report.
Should Bellamy keep coaching until the world is swamped in rising seas, it probably means the club’s monotonous stationing near the top of the NRL table will remain an endless phenom like Queensland’s eight in a row or a Nathan Brown rebuild.
This means all we bitter NSWRL apologists can do is continue patiently waiting for the fruit of the 2010 salary cap penalties, and rehashing it at five-minute intervals until it does.
When the Storm salary cap saga revealed the club to be throwing around underhanded sums of money like they were buying political favours from One Nation, it inflicted a black eye on the game and swathes of untold shame for the NRL. As a staunch league conservative, it was awesome.
Stripping the club of its trophies would not only help recoup lost corporate dollars with scrap metal; it would also regain control of the game from its weird new southern stronghold where veganism is celebrated and they call beers ‘pots’.
But over the years the continual forecasts of the Storm finally meeting their maker have never crystallised.
As the club shed blue-chip talent like any regular organisation obeying the salary cap, the experts told us the Storm’s demise was imminent, promised by the simple rule of averages and the arrival of Smith’s seniors card.
But again they sit undefeated at the top of the ladder, even winning matches when they’re not at their best. Just like pizza and sex, even when they’re bad, they’re still good.
Without being dramatic, it’s starting to look like we’ll never be released from the grip of the Storm. Just like climate change debate, we’re all just going to have to blame either anthropogenic factors or News Limited.
Paul
Roar Guru
Peter I have the same sort of dislike for these Clubs as I do for vegemite. It's something deep seated and certainly doesn't involve jealousy.
Papi Smurf
Roar Rookie
"Unfortunate penalty lol Ainscough took off his head" I said fortunate not unfortunate. after a “fortunate penalty try on the siren” Re Mundine not passing to an open man, when did Anthony "showboat" Mudine ever put the team before his own ego? As for your "conspiracy theory" jibe, I answered Duncan at length on this but that reply got supressed for some reason so I won't waste my time again. Some.things are tongue in cheek, some things are not. If the shoe fits... you figure out the rest. ;-)
Ken
Guest
Unfortunate penalty lol Ainscough took off his head as he was scoring lol but u say it was unfortunate, that just makes your opinion a joke lol, conspiracy theory, hilarious, maybe I'd mundine had passed to a open man they would have won dont you think.
Duncan Smith
Roar Guru
Gold medal silliness. Yes, of course it benefits the NRL / News to have a strong Melbourne club. To extrapolate from that, that the 1999 semi finals & grand finals were rigged is laughable. If we believe Mr Smurf, Ricky Stuart deliberately sent a wayward kick across field late in the Melbourne-Canterbury game, for Matt Geyer to run 90 metres and score. We're also to believe Jamie Ainscough was bribed to hit Storm winger Craig Smith in the head over the try line 2 minutes from time, leading to a penalty try in the grand final. I presume stripping Melbourne of their 2007 and 2009 titles was also part of News Ltd's fiendish plan. But please, Senor Smurf, do tell us more.
WarHorse
Roar Rookie
Spot on Papi
Peter Piper
Guest
Melbourne have the 4th highest memberships in the comp and have been growing very strongly over the last 5 years. Whilst a downturn in fortunes may see that dip somewhat, I cannot see it falling as low as some on the memberships / average gates table right now. Melbourne is a very well managed club. It never inherited some of the archaic and jaundiced practices of some of the heritage clubs and doesn't put footballers in board positions just because they used to play well. This will likely mean that a "waning of fortunes" for them is likely to mean that they didn't make the top 4 for a couple of years. You just have to look how they have managed the loss of cronk and now slater and a whole host of origin grade talent along the way. To be able to do that is no accident, it is good management and that is what the Storm and Roosters have in common and that is why they dominate.
Papi Smurf
Roar Rookie
Conversely, this is the sole saving grace in my eyes for the Roosters and the Sea Eagles who stood by the Rabbitohs, Dragons, Tigers and the other ARL stalwarts to make a stand against the dark side of the force.
Papi Smurf
Roar Rookie
"My money is on The Storm to prosper." So is News Corp's along with "FIX Sports" and the NRL. It's called guaranteeing market share. ;-)
Papi Smurf
Roar Rookie
"Disappointment continues as Storm’s forecasted decline nears decade without fruition" Yet hope springs eternal. ;-) Seriously though, how long do you think a national competition would be viable if Melbourne and Brisbane became the perennial cellar dwellers of the competition and interest and support for the game waned over time in both of these key cities? The answer is not long. That is why News Corp Australia (formerly News Limited) pumped money into the Melbourne franchise to ensure it's early success. "Coincidentally" the Storm won their maiden NRL premiership in only their second year in the competition after in January 1999, CEO John Ribot negotiated a deal that saw Melbourne Storm games televised in China every weekend. The club won eight of their first eleven games of the 1999 NRL season. (Source: Wikipedia). How fortunate to have such a run of success early into a multi-million dollar deal breaking into a multi-billion dollar market! To finish the script the Storm went on to finish 3rd on the ladder, then bounce back after losing by 24 points to the Dragons in the quarter final (34–10) to make the GF after "narrow victories" ;-) against the Dogs and the Eels. They then managed to turn around a 24 point loss to the Dragons just a few weeks earlier into a 2 point win (20–18) after a "fortunate penalty try on the siren". ;-) And the rest is history. Once continued success had been guaranteed in Melbourne during the period of News Limited ownership News Corp transferred their interest and ownership to the Brisbane Broncos. Like Melbourne, Brisbane is a club that "coincidentally" achieved success early, largely based on the fact that they were allowed to stockpile talent and to hoard most of the Australian and QLD origin rep players in their starting line-up. But in recent years the Broncos trophy cabinet has been bare with no premiership success since 2006. In 12 years there has been no final lap of victory for Brisbane and no trophy to raise aloft. That's very nearly the same period of time, 14 years (1992 - 2006) that the Broncos won 5 NRL premierships. One can only speculation if this was the overriding motive in News Corp shifting their attention and ownership from the Melbourne Storm to the Brisbane Broncos to rectify this deficit. The truth is that both Melbourne and Brisbane are two of the pillars that support a National competition. Remove either and the very concept will come crashing down. All that remains now is for a franchise to be given to Perth and News Corp (aka "FIX Sports") will have a foothold in the 4 most populous cities in Australia. No doubt THAT was their plan from the beginning. If only those 9 pesky Sydney based clubs had not slowed their progress. ;-)
Dogs Boddy
Roar Rookie
Excellent observations again mate. I thought for sure when Cooper left that would be the start of the rot, but it didn't happen. Then when Slater hung up the boots I thought, "well they have had a great run, time to come back to the pack now" but nope. I find it hard to believe either that Smith departing will have too much of an impact either. I have no idea what they have in the water down there but the Storm just keep going and going and going. They will have to fall eventually right?? Maybe in another 10 years or so.
Tim Carter
Roar Pro
Brisbane Broncos almost destroyed rugby league by creating Superleague. I reserve the right to hate them.
Bearfax
Roar Guru
Clever Dane though you need a few tips on science. The global ice age cycle is around 100,000 years and of course had nothing to do with the present global warming (we should actually be cooling according to the cycle,s not warming). But that's another issue. The big question will be will Melbourne be able to attract around 15,000 to their games in Melbourne when they do start to wane...and it will happen. They've had some good fortune including probably the best coach in the game and a couple of players at the top of the tree in League. But of course they were heavily subsidised by the League and manage to play the game of TPAs, that inequitable arrangement, where they can, as the NRL has shown, over $8 million extra a year to keep or buy at least a couple of top liners while most of the remainder of the League have to survive on less than a million on TPAs and be crucified for even the slightest misinterpretation of the rules. One wonders though whether League will survive in Melbourne when they start to decline. But then wonders whether the game will survive with Greenberg's and Beatie's reactionary and inequitable governance of the game in Australia
Forty Twenty
Roar Rookie
I'm guilty of expecting the Storm to have some lean years and being wrong. It looks to me like Bellamy is very important but Smith is crucial and I'll be very interested to see how they go if he ever retires.
kk
Roar Pro
Hi Dane, Bart Campbell,Gerry Ryan, Matt Tripp. My money is on The Storm to prosper.
Peter Piper
Guest
If you substitute the words "are jealous of" for the word "hate" then I think you have a much more sensible article. No Rugby League club should engender hate (though Cronulla come close), we are all in it to play sport and for the enjoyment of the best sporting code in the world. Rivalry yes even tribalism and certainly jealously but hate no.
Adam Bagnall
Roar Guru
I thought they would come back to the pack a little after their 2006-2012 success but they've managed to stay at or near the top. Got to respect what they do.
Superspud
Roar Rookie
I know the comparison was made to Barcelona but I think the New England Patriots. Ability to keep winning with a great player steering the ship surrounded by good players all performing at their best and everything being run by a great if not the greatest coach ever. The comparison doesn't stop there. Both have been at the cutting edge in pushing the envelope in terms of the rules and spirit of the game. Also we will never know what impact the salary cap cheating had on the long term success.
Paul
Roar Guru
hi Dane, the real reason why the Storm can't finish outside the top 8 just yet is because they're still the team to hate. The Roosters are still serving their apprenticeship, so far only being hated for poaching Tedesco from a hapless Tigers Club & getting Cronk into the Club along with 23 other international or SOO players and still being salary cap compliant. No one from Easts has jumped out of the pack to become the ref whisperer and Robinson hasn't got his guys using new tactics best left in a wrestling mat, that all sides do, but everyone blames the Storm for doing it first. Once Easts find new ways to be hated ( a good one would be getting the NRL to put forward a proposal to relocate rival club Souths), Bellamy and the Storm will slip into the mists of legend, along with Winx and St George's 11 premierships in a row.
Peter Piper
Guest
"There is many a true word in jest" Was true when my mother told me that and it is true today.
matth
Roar Guru
Good one, funny ‘cause it’s true